Islamic family-life ethics
chapter 2
[ The Twelveth Talk
1 Love And Blessings At Home Our discussion today will be on love, affection and generosity. Perhaps this is the p: 149 best topic amongst the topics discussed so far in this series of talks. Therefore I intend to analyze and discuss this subject in more detail. I pray to Allah for His help so that I am able to do justice to the discussion. In this world love is like the gravitational pull. Just as the world exists in a stable condition because of the gravitational pull, so do the families stay together because of the love amongst their components, the members! In this universe, from small particles to the Milky Way, all the things are in their places because of the gravitational pull. If this pull is removed for one moment, the entire solar system will go haywire! Similarly, if there is no love in a home, it will scatter into small nondescript entities. We can say that a house where love doesn’ t exist is like a grave, whose dweller is being punished. A house devoid of love is like an abode of the living dead! Without love, life is akin to a slow death accompanied by troubles and tribulations. But it is Allah’ s kindness that when a family is formed, He bestows the natural instinct of love to its members. The Holy Quran says: رَحْمَة وَ مَّوَدَّةً بَیْنَکُم جَعَلَ وَ إِلَیْهَا لِّتَسْکُنُواْ أَزْوَجًا أَنفُسِکُمْ مِّنْ لَکمُ خَلَقَ أَنْ ءَایَتِهِ مِنْ وَ And of His signs is this: He created for you helpmates from yourselves that ye might find rest in them, and He ordained between you love and mercy( …… Sura ar- Rum, p: 150 30: 21) The Holy Quran says that among the signs of Allah in this world, one of the signs is that He has created woman for man, so that they can join together to establish a family. They also provide comfort to each other. To help the formation and growth of the family Allah has endowed the instinct of love and affection to human beings. As you know, for every foundation there will be the Need of cement and concrete. No building can be constructed only with stone and steel. With stone and steel the correct quantities of sand and cement have to be used to provide the right binding quality to the structure. The matrimonial foundation too has similar requirements. If you can recall, in one of my earlier talks I had narrated a tradition of the Prophet ( s) in which he has said: “ In the eyes of Allah, the foundation of matrimonial alliance in Islam is the most likeable( " . Wasailus Shia, Vol 14, page 43) The sand and cement to bind this foundation are the instincts of love and affection between man and wife. If there is no concrete in the foundation of a building it will be weak, similarly if there is no love among the inhabitants of a house it will be desolate. Two things require our consideration in this connection. The first is to find out what is the thing that is harmful to the formation and growth of the family. The second thing is the consideration of p: 151 the factors that promote love and affection in marital lives of people. 2 Actions That Reduce The Love - Anger The first thing that harms love is misbehavior and anger. If the wife uses coarse language and gets angry with her husband, then her words will be like a slap on the husband’ s emotions. Similarly, if the husband is ill- mannered, his initial misbehavior will strike a blow to the love of the woman. And if the trend continues for long it will destroy the love between them, and then love will turn into abhorrence and hate. It is very important that we refrain from tongue- lashing at home to maintain the atmosphere of love and affection.
3. Abusive Language And Beating I have said repeatedly that if a man or a woman has the habit of using offensive and abusive language, then they have no character. Allah, the Prophet ( s) and the Imams ( a. s) . have strongly disapproved of this habit. One person was a constant companion of Imam Jafar al- Sadiq ( a. s; ) . wherever the Imam ( a. s) . went, the person followed him. One day the Imam ( a. s) . was traveling and the person was with him too. Due to the fatigue of travel, the person’ s slave was falling behind. He called for the slave, but he didn’ t hear the master. Even when he called for a second time the slave didn’ t hear him. Now the person got angry and shouted profanities at the slave calling him the illegitimate issue of his parents. When the Imam ( a. s) . heard the use of foul language, he sat down and pressed his p: 152 hand to his forehead as a mark of displeasure. Then he said“ , You have accused the slave’ s mother of adultery! I was thinking all the time that you are a good person while, in fact, you are not” ! The man said“ , O son of the Prophet ( s)! The slave’ s mother is a foreign idolatress” ! The Imam ( a. s) . said“ , Every nation has some norms of matrimony. From today you have no right to be with me or travel with me” ! The narrator said that from that day he never saw the man in the company of the Imam ( a. s). . What lesson do we draw from this narrative? When someone abuses his child or wife in anger, even if they are at fault, he will earn the displeasure of Allah. This abuse takes a terrible human form and will be with the person in the Barzakh, and on the Day of Reckoning and put him to shame! Hadhrat Ayesha was once sitting with the Prophet ( s). Two or three Jews came there with the purpose of ridiculing the Prophet ( s). One of them passed near him and mispronounced the greeting as “ Asam alaikum” ! meaning" , death on you” . The Prophet ( s) replied“ , Alaikum" ! Meaning“ , I wish the same for you” ! Hadhrat Ayesha was upset at the impudence of the Jew but kept quiet. After a while another Jew came and repeated the same act. When the third Jew came and did the same thing, Hadhrat Ayesha lost her cool. When someone gets angry, p: 153 it becomes difficult to be patient and just. In her anger she said“ , What are you saying you sons of pigs” ! She had remembered from the Holy Quran that the Jews are the people whose ancestors had become pigs. The Prophet ( s) was angry at her utterance. He said“ , Ayesha! What have you done” ? She said“ , You are seeing what these mischievous Jews did” ? The Prophet ( s) said“ , Whatever they said was properly replied to by me. There was no need to abuse them” ! He then added“ , Ayesha! Don’ t you know that an abuse, if it takes on a form, it will be a very ferocious thing and will chase the person in the grave, in Barzakh and on the Day of Reckoning” . بَعِیدًا أَمَدَا بَیْنَهُ وَ بَیْنَهَا أَنَّ لَوْ تَوَدُّ سُوءٍ مِن عَمِلَتْ مَا وَ محُّْضَرًا خَیرٍْ مِنْ عَمِلَتْ مَّا نَفْسٍ کُلُّ تَجِدُ یَوْمَ On the day when every soul will find itself confronted with all that it hath done of good and all that it hath done of evil ( every soul) will long that there might be a mighty space of distance between it and that ( evil( ) Sura Ali- Imran, 3: 30) This means that all the good deeds that you do during your lifetime will accompany you on the Day of Reckoning and your bad deeds will accompany you too, but they will have such terrifying forms, that the person will be ashamed. The Holy Quran says, on that Day these persons will utter“ , How I wish there was p: 154 a great distance between me and my foul deeds” ! Therefore, a Muslim has to take care to control his angry outbursts and abusive language. Among the maxims of Imam Jafar al- Sadiq ( a. s) there is one that he has specifically said about the Shias. He said“ , O Shias! Be upright in your morals! Your behavior should prompt others to say in appreciation that you are the followers of Imam Sadiq ( a. s)! . It is not befitting for a lady to use abusive language against her children and the husband or others. Similarly a teacher should always speak softly in the class. Corporal punishment and beating is such a sin that the Prophet ( s) used to announce from the pulpit that if a person slaps his wife, he will go to the Hell with shame on the Day of Judgement! The caretaker of Hell ( Malike Jahannum) will be ordered to slap the person 70 times with Hellfire! A good Muslim and a decent person never beats anyone. And if there is a woman who beats her husband, then she deserves to be called a witch and not a wife!
4. Insulting Talk Another thing that destroys love is hurting people with ones talk. The retribution for such acts is so much that Imam Jafar al- Sadiq has said that Allah says: " A person who insults any of my ‘ wali’, wages a war against Me” . Everyone knows the consequences one has to face in this world as well as the Hereafter for waging a war against Allah. If a husband praises p: 155 the looks of a stranger woman in front of his wife and a wife praises the handsomeness of a stranger man in the presence of her husband, then there is no chance of virtue prevailing in that house. The Prophet of Islam ( s) says that if a woman says to her husband that she has not found anything good in his house, then all her good deeds will become null and void. Similarly if a husband tells his wife that he has found no good in her, his good deeds too will become null and void. We must take care that we don’ t insult or ridicule anyone. The wives must exercise special care that they don’ t talk against their husbands in front of others. Similarly men should not talk ill of their wives in front of others, because these acts invite great punishments. Injury through words is of two types. Some injuries heal quickly. This means that someone does strike a blow through his tongue, but it does not injure the heart much. Now this assumes the form of a scorpion, which goes with that person to his grave, and troubles him for some time. Then this punishment is withdrawn. However, if the injury inflicted by the tongue is deeper, it assumes the form of such a scorpion that will not only trouble him till the Day of Judgment, but also keep stinging him in Hell. Someone saw a pious old person in a dream. When asked about his condition, the p: 156 old person said that he was very comfortable, he owned gardens, had palaces and Hoorul Ein; the angels visited him and he had many servants to work for him. His only problem was that a scorpion bit his foot every morning. When asked why he was continuously suffering this bite, he said that during his life he had hurt someone with his talk and had not bothered to apologize. He said that he had assumed it to be a trivial matter and so had not repented ( tauba) for it. By not repenting, he had let the scorpion remain alive. The water of repentance ( tauba) can clean everything and can repel every danger. Unfortunately, some people actually feel relieved after having insulted someone. Some people say that they will feel at ease only when they have given a thorough verbal thrashing to those with whom they have some differences! What they are actually saying is that they will not be at ease until they have produced a hoard of scorpions which will keep biting them from the first day in the grave to the Day of Reckoning. Women can hurt people with their tongue- lashing as if it is done with a sword. Then she says: now I am at peace but she is mistaken. She is not at peace, because she is unaware of the type of snake her action has formed. These snakes and scorpions can only be seen by those people who have the insight to do so; they p: 157 see these through the eyes of the heart. That snake has entwined itself around their necks. Do they not see it? But they will see it before going to the grave when Izraeel comes to take away their spirits. At that moment, according to the Holy Quran, their vision will become very sharp. Then the wife and the husband will see the verbal injuries they have inflicted on the other, in the form of a black snake which will have wrapped itself around their necks. This black snake will go with them to their graves and keep biting them till Qiyamah. Then they will know how dangerous it is to inflict verbal injuries on others. The husbands and wives should take care to abstain from tongue- lashing. They should not belittle each other, particularly in comparison with others. These acts strike such a blow to love, that sometimes love turns into hate. Kindness turns into hard- heartedness. Then life becomes a burden and the home appears desolate like the grave. I appeal to all the ladies and men to control their tongues and save themselves from such troubles. The Prophet ( s) once asked his companion about the strongest aspect of the Iman ( Faith). What is the thing that can earn deliverance for a person? One person said“ , O Prophet of Allah ( s)! It is salah ( prayer” )! Some said it is fasting, others said it is charity, fighting in the way of Allah, and so on. Everyone tried to mention something or other. The p: 158 Prophet ( s) said“ , Everyone is right in his own way! But the thing that is very important for the deliverance of a person is that a person befriends his Muslim brothers for the sake of Allah and is the enemy of the enemies of Islam, for the sake of Allah! He should befriend his wife not for any carnal reasons but for the sake of Allah, because she is a Muslimah! If he befriends her only for his carnal satisfaction, it is not a sign of his masculinity, because then he is no different from an animal! As I have mentioned earlier, carnal satisfaction is a small benefit among the benefits of marriage. But a man should love his wife because she is a Muslimah. The wife should love her husband because he is a Muslim, she should be proud that he is a Muslim. In the same way, the husband should be proud that his wife is a Muslimah, recites salah and fasts, Muhammad ibn Hakim says that he was seated with Imam Muhammad Baqir ( a. s) . when an old person, with bent shoulders and a staff in his hand came there and first greeted the Imam ( a. s) . and then greeted every person present individually. Then he told to the Imam ( a. s“ , ) . O Son of the Prophet ( s)! I am desirous of sitting near you” ! The Imam ( a. s) . replied“ , You may sit” ! The person sat down and said“ , O Son of the Prophet! I accept what you have declared legitimate as p: 159 legitimate; and the things that you term as forbidden, I consider them forbidden! I consider your friends as my friends not because they are my relatives, but only on account of their being your friends. I consider your enemies as my enemies. Am I among those who will get deliverance" ? Imam Muhammad Baqir ( a. s) . was very pleased and said“ , Definitely! I was once seated with my father, Imam Sajjad ( a. s) . when a person came to him and talked the same way as you have done today. Imam al- Sajjad ( a. s) . told him‘ , May your heart always remain happy! At the time of your death the Prophet ( s, ) Hadhrat Amir al Mu’ minin ( a. s, ) . Hadhrat Fatima Zahra ( a. s) . and Hasnain ( a. s) . will be there. Then your thirst will be quenched with the water from the pool of Kauthar. You will be in the company of these Five Infallible persons” ! Muhammad ibn Hakim further says that when Imam Muhammad Baqir narrated this, the old person started crying with joy and said“ , O Son of the Prophet! Kindly relate the tradition once again” ! The Imam ( a. s) . acceded to the person’ s request. Thereafter the old man became restless and fell unconscious. The Imam ( a. s) . revived him. After regaining consciousness the person touched the body of the Imam ( a. s) . as a mark of respect. The Prophet of Islam ( s) used to milk the sheep, sweep the floor of his house and make bread. We will be truly respected men when we extend a helping hand to our p: 160 wives with their chores at home. Similarly the ladies must take care of the husbands’ comfort when they return home after a long day’ s toil to earn the livelihood for the family in the highly competitive environment. Earning a livelihood and dealing with all kinds of people in the workplaces is not easy. When he comes home in the evening, he needs rest, he needs a peaceful place. Your offensive language, stern talk, and unethical behavior will not provide him with the rest he needs. The wife should desire for her husband what she desires for herself. If the husband becomes irritable, the wife should respond with a smile. When a husband returns home and finds that his wife is not dressed in the apparel of his choice, he should not express his displeasure. If the wife is short- tempered, despite the tiredness after the day’ s toil, the husband should enter the house with a smile to soothe her disturbed nerves. You should desire for her what you desire for yourself, and you should not desire for her what you do not desire for yourself. Inshallah, Allah’ s blessings will be upon you in this world and in the Hereafter.
The Thirteenth Talk 1. The Birth Of Imam Hasan ( a. s) . Today is very auspicious! On this happy day Imam Hasan ( a. s) . was born! Let’ s all congratulate Hadhrat Fatima Zahra ( a. s) in celebration of the happy event! I do pray, and hope, that the Prophet ( s) will bless this gathering on the happy occasion! I hope, and pray, that every one of p: 161 us goes from this meeting with attainment of our legitimate wishes! To suit the happy occasion, I shall first narrate a tradition about Imam Hasan ( a. s). . I hope this tradition becomes a beacon of guidance for all of us. Once a person came to the presence of Imam Hasan ( a. s) . and made a fervent appeal for help. The Imam ( a. s) . came out of his house with the person. When he found Imam Husayn ( a. s) . on the way, he asked the person“ , Why didn’ t you approach this brother of mine for help” ? The man said“ , O son of the Prophet! I had noticed that Imam Husayn ( a. s) . was in the mosque doing his I' tekaaf ( retirement to the mosque for continued prayer). At that moment Imam Hasan ( a. s) . said the following words that should be a source of guidance for us: “ If you had approached Imam Husayn ( a. s) . during his I' tekaaf for his help, and he had fulfilled your need, then the reward for him would have been more than continuous prayer ( I' tekaaf) for one month( ” ! Bihar, Vol 74, Page 335) If someone provides relief to a Muslim, his reward will be more than that for spending a month in the mosque praying day and night! I, therefore, appeal to all the believing men and women that, to the extent possible, they should provide help and assistance to Muslims. A wife who helps her husband and a husband who takes care of the needs of his wife too shall earn this reward.. This will be p: 162 the theme of our talk today. 2. Conceit One thing that destroys love and affection is conceit and pride in persons. If men and women are proud and conceited, then they are exposed to great dangers. Allah’ s Prophets ( a. s) . used to object to proud persons because they used to interfere with the mission of the Prophets. They were so conceited and proud that they never lent their ears to anyone. Conceit and pride are so dangerous that the Holy Quran says that if people acquire these foul traits, then these traits become a part of their nature and they become rebellious and vain. They become so rebellious that on the Day of Judgment too, they will remain conceited and proud in front of Allah. The Holy Quran further says that when these conceited, proud and vain persons are brought to the grounds of Judgment on Doomsday, they will learn that, in fact, they are destined for Hell. Then, they will object to Allah and accuse Him of making a mistake. They will swear that they are good people and will say that Allah is making a mistake by unjustly assigning them to Hell! الْکَذِبُون هُمُ إِنهَُّمْ أَلَا ْءٍ شیَ عَلیَ أَنهَُّمْ یحَْسَبُونَ وَ ْ لَکمُ یحَْلِفُونَ کَمَا لَهُ فَیَحْلِفُونَ جَمِیعًا اللَّهُ یَبْعَثهُُمُ یَوْمَ On the day when Allah will raise them all together, then will they swear unto Him as they ( now) swear unto you, and they will fancy that they have some standing. Lo! Is it not they who are the liars( ? Sura Mujaadalah, 58: p: 163 18) ) The Holy Quran says that even on the Day of Judgment these proud and conceited persons will behave the same way as they did in this world. They don’ t see anything other than their own point of view. Those who are proud in this world will be the same in front of Allah. I fervently appeal to the ladies and the men that they should refrain from becoming proud. The woman should not think that she is better than her husband. She should not boast about herself, her parents or other family members to her husband. She should not be vain about her good looks. If she is educated, has a diploma, attends darse kharji, then she should not brag about it to her husband. If she becomes proud and develops self- love, the first person she harms is herself. Such women cannot rule over the hearts of their husbands. Similarly the husband should not be proud about his wealth or family. May Allah keep us all away from this danger. The ladies should be very careful and never consider their husbands inferior to others. They should not air pride over the qualities of their fathers, brothers and others. This is wrong, even if her husband is poor, while her brother is rich. Even if your parents are rich and influential in the society, your responsibility is to keep your husband happy at all times, and consider him better than your relatives. The ladies should always uphold the respect of their p: 164 parents. They should be kind to their siblings. But all this should not be at the cost of the attention that they have to give to their husbands. The husband should also respect others, but must take special care of his wife. There are several types of conceit and every type has its own bitter fruits. One very bitter fruit of conceit is that it destroys love between people! 3. Types Of Conceit One type of conceit results in argument and quarrel. This means that the person insists on getting his way and wants others to accept his point of view. This trait is more pronounced in some persons. They tend to force their opinions on others. They come up with meaningless arguments and expect others to agree with them. They interrupt during conversations and they are very voluble. Being wrongly stubborn is a sin. Abu Dawood says that he was amongst those two or three persons who used to argue about certain matters of Islam, each one wanting to present Islam according to his own opinion. Once, when they were in the midst of a heated argument, the Prophet of Islam ( s) arrived there. He heard their heated argument. Abu Dawood says that he had never seen the Prophet ( s) so angry. Then the Prophet ( s) said“ , Quarreling and arguing is not the way of Muslims. I will not intercede on their behalf on the Day of Judgment if they indulge in such things" . He ( s) added“ , First Allah ordered me to stop people p: 165 from idol worship and polytheism. The next thing he ordered me to do was to stop people from argument and quarrel” ! Ponder upon the severity of this tradition. This is an illness, which has no cure, but 90% of people suffer from this ailment of arguing and quarrelling. The Holy Quran says that quarrel and argument is instigated by Satan. لِیُجَدِلُوکُمْ أَوْلِیَائهِمْ إِلیَ لَیُوحُونَ الشَّیَطِینَ إِنَّ وَ … Lo! The devils do inspire their minions to dispute ( Sura al An’ aam, 6: 121) The Shayateen instigate their friends and followers to argue and quarrel with you. Therefore, every person who argues and fights is a friend of Satan, and in turn Satan is his friend, because these are satanic activities, not righteous ones. If a woman creates a hue and cry in front of her husband just to get her way, or if a husband picks up a fight with his wife for the same reason, they destroy the roots of love. Quarrels destroy love. Therefore, I request the ladies, in particular not to fight or quarrel with their husbands. Don’ t try to impose your way or your opinion on your husband. If the husband is wrongly adamant, the best course for the wife is to exercise patience. If the wife, in her ignorance, becomes adamant, the husband should discreetly avoid argument with her. The Prophet of Allah ( s) has said whoever exercises patience at the time of an argument, will be rewarded with three gardens in Paradise. Of these three gardens p: 166 two are named Ridwan and Aden. The third garden has no particular name. 4. Stubborness Another type of conceit manifests itself in stubbornness in behaviour with others. There are people who are so stubborn that they prefer to jump into a deep well rather than change their point of view. This is a very harmful trait. The Holy Quran says that people are of two types. The first category is that of persons who accept the truth. When they recognize the truth, their eyes water with sheer happiness. الْحَق مِنَ عَرَفُواْ مِمَّا الدَّمْعِ مِنَ تَفِیضُ أَعْیُنَهُمْ تَرَی الرَّسُولِ إِلیَ أُنزِلَ مَا سَمِعُواْ إِذَا وَ When they listen to that which hath been revealed unto the messenger, thou seest their eyes overflowing with tears because of their recognition of the truth ( Sura al Maida, 5: 83) On reading the Holy Quran, there is a group of people who recognize the truth and their eyes water in recognition of this fact. But there is another group who are not willing to recognise and accept the truth. They are willing to eat stones, or burn in the Hellfire, but stubbornly refuse to accept the truth.. أَلِیم بِعَذَابٍ ائْتِنَا أَوِ السَّمَاءِ مِّنَ حِجَارَةً عَلَیْنَا فَأَمْطِرْ عِندِکَ مِنْ الْحَقَّ هُوَ هَذَا کاَنَ إِن اللَّهُمَّ قَالُواْ إِذْ وَ And when they said: O Allah! If this be indeed the truth from Thee, then rain down stones on us or bring on us some painful doom( ! Sura al Al- Anfal, 8, 8: 32) There was a group of people who refused to accept the p: 167 truth and said: We are waiting, send a boulder from Heaven and destroy us, but we will not accept the truth. Some ladies are stubborn. They refuse to accept facts and reality; rather they even refuse to listen. Similarly, some men simply refuse to listen. The poor wife is talking for the last half hour, but the husband refuses to listen. He keeps saying “ no” to all that she says, but if you ask him what his wife has just said, he is unable to answer. If she says that you are saying no, but what did I say, that you have responded with a “ no”, his answer is“ : no”. Occupation and colonization are horrific acts and grave sins because these things turn individuals or masses into slaves. May Allah curse those who established the concept of mass slavery. Those countries that unjustly control other countries are destined to doom. But when a wife is able to conquer the heart of her husband, it is a virtuous thing. Man and wife should make efforts to conquer each others’ hearts. But alas, the wife does not know how to conquer the heart of her husband or rule over his heart. One of the two things that come in the way of conquering the spouse’ s heart is stubbornness. Those who are stubborn are mentally ill. If, god forbid, your children are stubborn, you have to gradually cure them from this malady, but you can do this only if you yourself are free from p: 168 this illness. 5. Unrealistic Expectations Another type of conceit results in excessive expectations. Some women have excessive and unreasonable demands that their husbands cannot fulfil. For example, a husband earns 5, 000 a month, but the wife demands a dress costing 5, 000 for eid. The husband says that he cannot afford to buy so expensive a dress. The wife insists that she must have it. Do not have unrealistic expectations. Even the men should exercise care in this matter. If you have not bought meat, do not expect to be served meat- balls.
I appeal to the ladies that if their husbands have limited incomes, they should not insist on spending money like some of their better placed friends. Certain women, whose husbands are officers, want to for example change the carpet. Inspite of the wife repeatedly pleading with the husband, he maintains that he cannot afford to do so. Expecting too much is a sin. Ask only for that which your husband can afford. Men should ask only for what is in the house. If a man taxes his wife with a task which is beyond her ability then, on the Day of Judgement Allah will burden him with a thing which will be beyond his capacity. The fire of Hell is extremely difficult to bear. The destination of people who expect too much from others is Hell, if they die without repenting. A wife who knows that her husband cannot fulfil her desire, and in spite of knowing this embarrasses him by making p: 169 demands, will be put to shame by Allah on the Day of Judgement. Self- respect is the most valuable thing for anyone. A person said that Imam Husayn ( a. s) . gave away everything in the way of Allah excepting two things - his faith and his self- respect! Self- esteem and self- respect for men, especially in front of their spouses is of utmost importance. Wives should ensure that the self- respect of their husbands is not hurt at home in any manner. They must take care not to make unjustified demands. Similarly wives too expect to be respected by the husbands. The husbands are requested to respect their wives. The husband should not wound the personality of his wife, nor tax her with unrealistic expectations. House- keeping and caring for the children are difficult tasks. It is the woman’ s responsibility to keep herself and the children clean and tidy, take care of the house, and be ready to receive the husband when he returns home in the evening. But if it so happens that tea or food is not ready when the husband returns home, he should prepare this himself, instead of complaining. Don’ t expect too much from your partner. Don’ t try to dominate your spouse. If a truck has a load- capacity of 5 tonnes, but you load it with 8 tonnes, it will breakdown after 2 miles. Similar is the case of the wife who tries to dominate her husband, or vice versa. If you overload the truck, it will stop working, it will break p: 170 down. Pity on the husband who has no tranquillity and happiness. Pity the husband who is not thoughtful in dealing with his spouse. According to Imam Musa bin Jaffer ( a. s) . such a person has lost his world as well his Hereafter! Husband and wife trying to dominate each other and expecting too much from each other are the bitter fruits of the trait of conceit and pride. 6. Not Accepting Criticism One of the fruits of conceit is refusing to accept any criticism. The ladies must consider seriously what I am going to say: Backbiting is forbidden in Islam but criticism is not! To seek out other peoples' faults, whether it is meant as a joke or not, done in their presence or in their absence, is not permitted. But criticism is constructive. Like a mirror, it acquaints the person with his faults. Imam Ja’ far al- Sadiq ( a. s) . has said: Amongst my brothers my favourite is one who informs me of my failings and defects( . Bihar, Vol 74, Page 282) Criticising people is necessary but more important is to accept and take constructive criticisms in the right spirit. People face difficulties in this matter. Sometimes the husband points out to his wife her weaknesses. But she should accept this criticism. It is not enough to verbally accept the criticism by saying “ Okay, okay”. She must make practical efforts to bring about changes in her behaviour. When an ill- mannered husband cannot get along with the children, or addresses them using foul language, the wife should politely and discreetly p: 171 point out that his behaviour will affect the children - they may fall ill. Now it is the responsibility of the husband to make a serious attempt to mend his ways. But, generally, in our homes, instead of constructive criticism, we create a hue and cry, and complain. We don’ t accept criticism; especially the ladies are unwilling to accept any criticism. This is a very serious issue, because this attitude destroys the love for the wife in the husband' s heart. When a husband repeatedly tells her something, but the wife pays no heed to his advice and criticisms, he turns indifferent to her. The end result will be that there will be no love left between the two!
The Fourteenth Talk
1. The Causes Of Continued Love And Affection Our discussion is about love and sympathy. Today we shall talk about the acts that promote love between man and wife, even if they have grown very old. They might have children at home; even daughters- in- law etc. But despite all this, there will be no decrease in the love between the old couple! 2. Trivial But Important The psychologists talk about “ small, but big ( important) things”. This means that there are certain things that, although small in appearance, might prove very important for making or marring an individual’ s personality. 3. Taking Care Of Cleanliness And Hygiene One of the most important things stressed by Islam is hygiene. A Muslim’ s house has to be clean, the courtyard, doors and clothes must be clean and pure. The linen used in the house has to be clean and tidy. When he goes to a meeting, he p: 172 should be properly and neatly attired. But we find that a lot of people don’ t take care of their hygiene. They don’ t brush their teeth properly. Their feet stink with sweat. They seldom wash their socks and the feet, considering it to be something unimportant. On the face of it, it appears to be a trivial thing, but plays a big role in disgracing this person. When someone notes foul smell from someone’ s mouth, body or feet: he begins to dislike his company. Sometimes people silently curse such unhygienic persons. Such persons even attend the congregations in the mosques and religious gatherings in their unhygienic state. Some people wear shirts with soiled collars, and consider it to be a small matter, but this can lead to their disgrace. Whenever the Prophet of Islam ( s) prepared to go to any meeting, he always looked at himself in the mirror. He used to take meticulous care of his person and his dress, making sure these were neat and clean, before he left home for such meetings. It is not necessary that a person’ s dress be expensive. What Islam stresses on is cleanliness. Some ladies neglect personal cleanliness while at home. When their husbands return home after the day’ s work, they find the wives shabby with dishevelled hair and crumpled clothes. Probably because she has to look after her children, she does not give much importance to such things. But this amounts to carelessness in acquiring the love of the husband. It is wrong p: 173 to take this lightly or treat it as a joke. It may appear small, but actually it is an important thing. Some men don' t brush their teeth properly, whereas the Prophet of Islam ( s) has said that a person who offers one rakaat of prayer after brushing his teeth will get reward equal to that for offering seventy prayers.. He ( s) also said that if he did not fear that it would put the Muslims in difficulty, he ( s) would have made it obligatory. If the husband does not brush the first, second or third time, the wife may bear it, but then it will create a feeling of aversion in his wife. Even if she doesn’ t show her dislike for him, her heart will no longer love him. Similarly, if the wife’ s mouth stinks, the husband will not like her. It is very unfortunate if a husband dislikes his wife because her mouth or body stinks. Shame on the man who is unclean at home. Cleanliness at home and in the society is of prime importance. The Prophet of Islam ( s) gave so much importance to hygiene that he said" , Cleanliness is part of Faith" If you want to recognize a true Muslim, check whether he observes cleanliness or not. You should look at his cleanliness and hygiene! If he lacks in cleanliness, then his faith is defective. If one observes cleanliness then according to Psychologists, it is a small, but important thing. 4. Expressing Friendship It has come in the traditions that if p: 174 you befriend a Muslim, you must express your friendship to him. It is mentioned in the traditions that a man should express his love for his wife by telling her that he loves her. Similarly a wife should express to the husband her love for him. The Prophet ( s) has said that when a husband expresses his friendship and love to his wife, she will never forget it. In common practice we consider it unimportant to express our friendship and love to others. If a husband and wife love each other, they should mention it to the spouse, at least once a month if not everyday. Not doing this amounts to carelessness. It is embarrassing for some women to do this, but they must say it. Words like these or ' Assalamun alaikum' are an expression of affection. When you meet others you should enquire about them, and express your affection for them, because Islam desires Muslims to be friends with each other. Islam wants us to maintain ties with each other, and has declared cutting of the ties of kinship a major sin. Islam does not like those who do not visit others or those who remain aloof, because these meetings increase our love for each other. Husbands and wives should express their love for each other. Whenever they meet, they should have a smile on their faces. This may seem a small matter, but is very important for gaining love of the spouse. It has been mentioned in the traditions p: 175 that the wife should freshen herself before her husband arrives home after the day’ s work. She should wear the dress of his choice and adorn herself. She should lay the table for dinner with the cutlery etc. She should quieten the children so that they do not disturb their father who comes tired from work! It is also recorded in the traditions that when the husband knocks at the door on his return from work, the wife herself should open the door to welcome him and not ask a son or a daughter to attend on him. She should greet him ( say salaam) with a smile. These attentions might appear trivial, or the women may object that the man is being given too much importance, but these things go a long way in cementing the love between the couple. With such an attitude of the wife, even the most ill- tempered of husbands will, sooner or later, metamorphose into a loving and caring partner! 5. Giving Gifts It has come in the traditions that when a man returns home after a visit he should carry a gift, though very small, for his wife! Every care, worry and anger should throw away when he reaches the threshold of his home. When the wife opens the door and greets him, he should respond with a pleasant smile. In fact, he should take precedence in greeting the wife! Then he should offer affectionately the gift he has brought for her. When dinner is served, he should thank p: 176 the wife, even if he does not like the food. Some husbands might think that these pleasantries are trivial, unnecessary things. But they go a long way in strengthening the love between the man and wife! A few loving words from you is all that is required for her worries, anger and tiredness to disappear. We don’ t take care of these small things and therefore the atmosphere at our homes is cold, devoid of warmth, and dull! When we investigate, we find that in many a home the cause of this cold environment is the wife. The husband enters the house and finds his wife dirty, then she does not even receive him warmly, even if the husband loves her, his love will gradually wear away. When the husband comes home and the wife serves him a dish he does not like and says" , This dish has been cooked by your aunt, eat it if you want you, otherwise remain hungry- ” the result of this attitude is obvious. When the husband comes home, instead of giving her a gift, shouts at her, then a fight breaks out and there is a hue and cry all around. If you want to maintain the cool breeze of love and affection in your house, you must pay attention to these small but very important matters. 6. Asmayee And The Patient Woman Asmayee was Mamoon' s vizier. Mamoon was an evil person. Asmayee was a secretive person. He once went on a hunt and was separated from his group. Islam prohibits p: 177 hunting for pleasure, but the Bani Umayya and Bani Abbas indulged in this act very frequently. They used to hunt and kill animals for pleasure. Asmayee says that when he lost track of his group and was trying to find them, he spotted a tent. He went to the tent and found a young and beautiful woman sitting there. With her permission, he too sat there. He asked for some water to quench his thirst. But she said“ , I don’ t have the permission of my husband” ! Then she added“ , I have some milk for my breakfast, which I can give you” . She gave the milk to Asmayee and he drank it. He waited in the tent for about an hour but the woman appeared restless during all that period. Then he saw a camel rider arriving near the tent. The person, dark and old, was the woman’ s husband. Asmayee was surprised that the pretty damsel was married to the ugly old man. The woman helped her husband to dismount from the camel, helped him to wash his hands and feet, and very respectfully took him into the tent and sat in front of him. The old man was very rude and ill- mannered. The more he got rude, the more polite the woman became. Ultimately the husband became so rude that Asmayee thought it better to bear the heat of the sun than sit in the comfort of the tent. He went out of the tent but the old man didn’ t p: 178 bother about him. Since Asmayee was a guest, the woman came to the door of the tent to bid him good- bye. Once out of the tent he mentioned to the woman that, despite her youth and beauty, she was serving her husband politely, while he continued to be rude to her. The woman said angrily“ , Asmayee! I did not expect you to talk ill of my husband behind his back and try to create a rift between us” ! Then she added“ , I have heard a tradition of the Prophet of Islam ( s) and I try to follow it. Whatever is there in the world is transient. Only the Hereafter is eternal. We have to go to our graves. We have to face the Barzakh. Our destiny is either Heaven or Hell. That is eternal! The transient things of the world, good and bad, will be over in the twinkling of an eye. I want to act on this tradition to become deserving of the Heaven. I have heard that the Prophet ( s) has said: " Faith has two parts— patience during hardships and gratefulness for the Bounties” . A Muslim must bear hardships with patience, and thank Allah for His blessings. I serve my husband and bear his rudeness with patience so that my faith becomes perfect, and it becomes my thanks to my Lord for giving me youth and beauty” . This is a truly Islamic lady. Opposed to this, sometimes women use the foulest possible language. Even a totally mannerless person will not use p: 179 such words A few days ago I had told you that husbands and wives should not insult each other. I had asked the ladies never to compare the financial status of their husbands with that of other men. The husbands too should not praise other women in comparison with their wives. Some men indiscreetly tell their wives that other women are prettier than them. This one indiscreet utterance will destroy whatever little love the wife had for the husband. As far as the husband is concerned, it is a very small sentence, but it is big enough to kill love. On the contrary, the husband should tell his wife that he has not seen anyone as pretty as her. Both the man and the woman should serve each other and pay compliments to each other. One of the situations in which lying is not Haram includes praising the looks of the wife even if she is actually ugly. Similarly the wives should also sing the praises of the manliness of their husbands. These small attentions go a long way in cementing love and affection between the couples. It has come in the traditions that when a woman perfumes herself and goes out and namahram men smell her fragrance; or if her bangles jingle and attract the attention of namahram men, the angels in the Firmament will curse the woman. Similarly when a woman wears a perfume and goes out, the ground on which she walks and everything else on it p: 180 curses her. She will be cursed till she returns back home. I appeal to the ladies that the chador that they wear for going out should not have any fragrance. Again I appeal to the ladies not to
perfume themselves when going out. If namahram men happen to smell their perfume, the angels, the walls, the earth and everything else in the environment curse them. Don’ t be under the impression that the inanimate things in the environs don’ t have any sense. تَسْبِیحَهُم تَفْقَهُونَ لَّا لَکِن وَ بحَِمْدِهِ یُسَبِّحُ إِلَّا ْءٍ شیَ مِّن إِن وَ ….. and there is not a thing but hymneth His praise; but ye understand not their praise( ….. Sura al-’ Isra’, 17: 44) If man has the faculty of hearing, he can hear the pillars of buildings saying Allahu Akbar! A lady who wears perfume only for her husband is praised by the angels the whole night till dawn! Allah, the Prophet ( s) the Imams ( a. s) . and the angels- all will be pleased with her. For a wife wearing perfume before retiring to bed might be a very ordinary thing, but for cementing love with her spouse it is a very important act. Wearing an expensive chador for going out or moving about in the street dressed in attractive apparel, without wearing a chador, does not enhance the personality of the ladies in the least. In fact, this will only serve to tarnish their personality! The Holy Quran ordains: الْأُولی الْجَهِلِیَّةِ تَبرَُّجَ تَبرََّجْنَ لَا وَ َّ ….. and display not your finery like the display of p: 181 the ignorance of yore( ….. Sura al Ahzaab, 33: 33) The Holy Quran addresses the women and says that they are Muslim ladies and possess a personality of their own. They should not flirt around in finery everywhere like the women of the days of ignorance. When they go out on the street their dress should not be such that it attracts namahram men. They should cover their faces with veils so that namahram men cannot see their faces. If a woman has a good personality and wants to adorn herself, she should adorn herself for her husband. Similarly, the husband should try to look good for his wife. No one should be under the impression that expressing ones’ personality means creating a hue and cry at home, shouting and terrifying others like wild animals do. Some husbands say that if they don’ t do this, others will dominate them. This is a major flaw in their thinking. They should try to become men who are soft- spoken. Instead of using harsh language with the wife, the husband should tell her that he loves her and likes her and works so hard so that she can have a comfortable life. He should tell her that it gives him pleasure to see her in comfort. Creating a furore at home and terrifying the members of the family are not signs of manhood! Helping the wife, keeping oneself neat and clean, using a soft and sweet tongue are the signs of manhood. One day the Prophet p: 182 of Islam ( s) was in the room of Hadhrat Ayesha when one of his other wives sent some food for him. Seeing this, Hadhrat Ayesha felt a pang of jealousy and pushed the bowl of food with her foot. The bowl broke and the food spilled on the floor. Seeing this, the Prophet ( s) asked Ayesha why she behaved in that manner. He pointed out to her that not only had she wasted good food, but had also broken the bowl and had also deprived him of his wish to eat the food. The Prophet ( s) told Ayesha softly that she should refrain from such acts in the future. The Prophet ( s) thus set an example for men to behave politely and with maturity with their spouses.
The Fifteenth Talk
1. Polygamy And The Reasons Therefor Today we shall discuss about the reasons for people opting for polygamy. This discussion is neither on jurisprudence nor on the cultural aspect of human life. It pertains only to the morality of polygamy. 2. Need of Having More Than One Wife The first category of people who opt for having more than one wife are those whose first wife is ill and is unable to satisfy their sexual desires and is also physically incapable of performing the household chores. In such a situation the husband is forced to marry a second wife. The institution of marriage is considered to be very important and necessary in Islam. Christianity strictly enforces monogamy, hence its followers are facing a lot of problems. The second category is that of people whose wives are p: 183 physiologically incapable of bearing children. In such cases both husband and wife desire a child. But it is very rare that such wives agree to the husband bringing home another wife to mother a child. I appeal to such women to arrange a second marriage for their husbands. They can look for a suitable girl to adjust with the family and live amicably. 3. Marriage For Carnal Satisfaction Some men opt for polygamy to satisfy their lust. They think that more than one wife will provide a variety to them. Despite having a wife at home, they marry a second wife, and then a third. If possible they make a harem for themselves. This attitude arises from a very serious moral problem. The pursuit of these desires pushes a person into a dangerous valley because such desires can never be fulfilled; the person always wants more and more. There is no end to it. If you try to fulfil your desire, you will never be fully satisfied. Imam Jafar al- Sadiq says that even if a person has a quantity of gold and silver equal to that of a river, he will not be satisfied. Similar is the case of the sexual instinct, the more you try to satisfy it, the more you will crave for it. Thus we find that the caliphs of the Ummayad and Abbasid clans had made special dens of vice, with hundreds of women, but they always wanted to add more. The more they tried to satisfy their carnal lust, the p: 184 more they craved for it. But, what is the source of this craving? Psychologists say that when men stare at women, chase them, when women move around without hijab, boldly look at and talk with namahram men, then the sexual lust is aroused. Once this happens, a man who has a beautiful and young wife, marries a second and a third; and even then continues to stare at young girls, and is still not satisfied! He dreams of setting up a harem like that of Haroun al Rashid. Similarly, those inappropriately dressed women who talk and laugh with and pay attention to namahram men are, according to the psychologists, in a very dangerous situation. Once a woman lands in this condition, she is not shy of exposing even her sensitive body parts like the hair, bosom and the arms to namahram men. For example, we often find young women going to shops wearing sleeveless shirts, so that the shopkeeper can see her bare arms.. Similarly some women sit out in the streets without covering themselves with a chador. Psychologists say that the cause of all these conditions is the craving of the sex instinct in the human race. We also come across some old men, who are sexually weak, but stare at young girls with lustful eyes. If such a person is a shop keeper, he stares at more than a hundred young girls a day and glances at women with lustful eyes. Islam considers this to be a very p: 185 dangerous situation. For a man and especially for a woman to be lounging in the street is a wrong act, especially when she is without proper hijab. Such a woman has no character. A respectable woman would not be out in the streets without proper hijab. She would be in her house, caring for her children, and her home. If she has some free time, she would read a good book, or listen to a religious cassette. Another problem is that when two or three women get together they must backbite, and accuse others falsely. Such women should know that Hadhrat Fatima Zahra ( s. a) is not pleased with them. If such women claim to be the slaves of Hadhrat Zahra ( s. a, ) they are lying because Hadhrat Zahra ( s. a) has nothing to do with such women. Going back to our topic, the basis of the second type of polygamy is a craving for sex. When a person practices polygamy only for sexual lust, he is not only cheating others but is also cheating himself. He says that he is remarrying for reward. In fact he only exposes himself to retribution because he wants to attain a reward by lying. He is really marrying only to satisfy his lust. The moralists condemn such marriages. Beware and don’ t make yourselves the slaves of your desires. Don’ t become engrossed in satisfying your hearts desires. Don’ t fill your stomachs to the full, do not sleep too much, do not be lazy, and do not become talkative. p: 186 Keep to the path of moderation; know that marrying for lust is wrong; the educators of ethics condemn such marriages. We quote here a remark made by an eminent scholar of ethics. Only the people who have developed themselves can utter such valuable words. When we ponder over their utterances, we can’ t help but wonder. One of the senior jurists of Najaf al- Ashraf used to live in Karbala. He was Aga Sayed Ibrahim Qazwini. He was very erudite and because of his exemplary manners he was very popular among the students. The daughter of Fath Ali Shah, Zia al Saltana, took a divorce from her husband. She was a very pretty and young damsel. After taking the divorce she settled down in a place near Karbala. Since she was all alone now, she sent word to Aga Qazwini through someone that she wished to marry him The Aga replied that his marrying Zia al Saltana was not appropriate. They were incompatible because while he himself was an old man, she was very young; she was a princess and he was a poor student of jurisprudence struggling to make ends meet. The following day a message came to the Aga from the princess that she would be proud to marry him and that she wished her name to be joined to his! She said that she didn’ t expect any monetary support from him and, to the contrary, she offered to meet all his household expenses. When the late Aga Ibrahim saw that p: 187 the girl was very determined, he sent word to her that his wife was a middle aged woman of forty and had adjusted very well with his penury. For many years she had put up with his penury, and had tolerated enough troubles. Now by remarrying, he did not want to create further troubles for her; hence he was not at all inclined towards marrying the princess. She was happily spending her life with him. He wished not to create any problems for her bringing home another wife. In these circumstances he forcefully turned down the proposal of the princess” ! Aga Ibrahim' s words may surprise some people. But in my opinion, these words teach us a lot. I appeal to those who want to remarry for the sake of getting reward to, instead, bear the expenses of the woman they want to marry ( and her children, ) this will be a better reward. Imam Musa bin Jafar ( a. s) has said that if he was able to foot the expenses of a needy family for a week, it would be better than performing 70 hajj. 4 Marriage Of Compulsion The third type of marriage is the marriage of compulsion. Human beings have certain desires that get satisfied sometimes, and remain unsatisfied at other times. The unsatisfied desires slowly move from the conscious to the subconscious mind. According to the psychologists, when this happens a kind of a knot is formed in the heart which is very dangerous. If this person has the knowledge and the means, he p: 188 will set the entire world on fire. Sometimes women don’ t discharge their responsibilities. As I mentioned in my previous talk, they are not mindful about the small but very important things and unable to fulfil their small responsibilities that assume bigger proportions later on. For example: when the husband returns home from work, the wife receives him with a glum face instead of giving him a smiling reception. When such an attitude becomes a habit, the husband starts thinking that perhaps he will be more comfortable if he marries a second wife. Thus, he is hurt by his wife and re- marries, assuming that he will be free of such troubles in his second marriage. If, unfortunately, he faces the same type of treatment from the second wife, he might opt for a third marriage. He searches for peace and comfort by re- marrying. These are the marriages of compulsion. I want to ask the ladies if a husband marries again and again, who is really at fault? The wives must admit that they are at fault because they did not keep their husbands happy. They did not discharge the responsibility that Islam had given them. They did not heed the advice of the psychologists. The most important function of a wife is to provide comfort to her husband. She must be careful about the small things in the daily life, the neglect of which might bring about serious consequences for her. What are the things that create trouble and turmoil for the p: 189 wife? It is her neglect, her laziness and her lack of understanding that create such troubles for her. Here I recount a historical event. There was a woman, Umm Sulaym, at the time of the Prophet ( s). She was the wife of one of the Ansaar. She was a native of Madina. Her husband was a craftsman and an intelligent man. Both husband and wife had embraced Islam. Both used to fulfil their duties. They had a son about two to three years of age. Once, the child fell ill. One day after the man had left for work, the child died. The woman sat near the dead child and kept crying. After a while she thought that the child was dead and cannot come back to life. She decided that she should not make her husband sad and restless. So she kept the body of the son in such a place where her husband would not see it, because she thought that if he receives this sad news as soon as he enters the house, he will also become very miserable. Then she changed her clothes and adorned herself for her husband. Upon his arrival, she herself opened the door, and greeted him. After exchanging pleasantries the husband inquired about the condition of the child. The wife said“ , Alhamdu Lillah! He is well” ! They sat down, talked, and relaxed. When it was time for salah ( prayer) they performed the ghusl ( bath). The husband wished to attend the congregational prayer p: 190 with the Prophet ( s). Before he left home she asked him“ , If someone keeps something valuable with you for safe- keeping and returns to claim it after sometime, and you refuse to give it back! What will be the consequence of the act” ? The husband said“ , That would be very bad, not to return what has been entrusted for safe- keeping is a big sin” ! The wife said “ Two years back Allah had given us something for safe- keeping. Now that the time has come for us to return it, Allah has taken it back from us. Our dear child is no more! Therefore go and offer your prayers with the Prophet ( s) and then inform your friends so that they can attend his burial” . The husband said“ , Alhamdu Lillah” ! I don’ t know why the man thanked Allah at that moment. Whatever he praised Allah for was appropriate, but he must have praised Allah the most for giving him a good wife. الْمُحْسِنِین لَمَعَ اللَّهَ إِنَّ وَ سُبُلَنَا لَنهَْدِیَنهَُّمْ فِینَا جَهَدُواْ الَّذِینَ وَ As for those who strive for Us, we surely guide them to Our paths, and lo! Allah is with the good. Sura al-‘ Ankabut, 29: 69) The man entered the mosque. It appeared as if the Prophet ( s) was waiting for him. The Prophet ( s) congratulated him. The same night the woman became pregnant. The couple was blessed with a son again. He grew into a wise, intelligent and learned person. Scholars have written a lot about him. Allah had blessed the couple with p: 191 a son better than the one that was taken away from them! I ask the ladies, that if they try to emulate Umm Sulaym, will their husbands continue to shout or hit them? No. It is your own fault that your husband doesn’ t appear happy at home, shouts or becomes violent. This is because you don’ t look after your husband and children properly; you don’ t take care of the house properly. Come morning and the woman is out in
the street, and that too without hijab, talking and laughing. In the afternoon the husband returns home only to find a dirty house, a dirty wife and dirty children. There is no trace of any lunch. When faced with this situation, he is forced to consider re- marriage. He thinks that, perhaps, the second wife will keep his home; the children and herself clean, and prepare meals on time. When he re- marries, the first wife starts crying. Ladies! Don’ t become the cause of your own misfortune! If you make yourself a good housewife, take care of your husband, children and home properly, there will be no reason for your husband to re- marry. Times are such that the husband can barely afford one wife, how will he support the second wife. Inspite of this if he re- marries, it is your own fault – you neglected to look after him, forcing him to re- marry. This is termed as marriage of compulsion.
The Sixteenth Talk 1. On Divorce Today’ s topic of discussion is divorce. In Islam divorce is the p: 192 most detested of the legitimate acts. It is well known that the Prophet of Islam ( s) has said: In my view the most undesirable thing is divorce Christianity forbids divorce under all circumstances save one, but this meeting is not the correct place to discuss it. There is so much adultery prevalent in the Western societies, because the couples have to continue with incompatible marriages. When we study the statistics regarding divorce in Iran, we find that the numbers are increasing year after year. This is happening despite the undesirability of divorce. Divorce is becoming like a trend in our society! In Post- Revolution Iran, divorce has emerged as a major problem for the society. There has been a lot of debate on this issue, still the numbers keep increasing. Why is it so? We shall try to find an answer to this question in our discussion today. We know that for our beloved Prophet ( s, ) divorce was most undesirable thing. Today we shall analyse why this undesirable practice has assumed such formidable proportions! Just as marriage was divided into three parts divorce too will be discussed in three parts. 2. Types Of Divorce
Divorce Of Necessity One category of divorce is the divorce of necessity that Islam permits under strictly defined conditions. Islam says that although divorce is undesirable, it is permissible under the law of shariah. If a person’ s hand develops gangrene, it must be amputated. If the hand is not amputated, gangrene will spread to the whole body. The affected person will not be happy, but he is resigned p: 193 to his fate and even thanks and pays the doctor for cutting his hand and saving the rest of his body from gangrene. Necessary divorce can be treated like amputation of the hand when the unfortunate person is afflicted with cancer. Sometimes the husband and wife are totally incompatible, and inspite of forgiving and overlooking shortcomings, inspite of making sacrifices, things just don’ t work out. Sometimes a pious and upright man is married to an amoral woman. Or a chaste woman is married to a lecherous and impious man. This impious man is incompatible with the virtuous lady, he feels as if he has been imprisoned. There is no solution to this problem except divorce, it is impossible to reconcile the two, they should be separated. In such situations, the divorce law is a very useful one, from the point of view of Islam as well as the society. Even Christianity accepts that the Islamic provision of divorce, with all its conditions, is appropriate. Without the divorce law, Islam would be incomplete. This law is applied when there is no other solution except separation. When a woman is not able to adjust with her husband, she becomes wayward and the husband is not able to reform her, then separation is the only solution. If a husband becomes amoral, and is beyond reform, then it becomes necessary for the wife to separate from him. Here divorce is necessary. But such cases are very rare. If these were the reasons for divorce, p: 194 there would not be more than a hundred divorces throughout the country. The sheer number of divorces tells us that these are not the divorces of necessity. Ladies who do not observe the hijab should know that they are oppressors, and on the Day of Judgement they will be grouped with the oppressors. What can be more oppressive than flaming the passions of unmarried men by not wearing the hijab, by displaying ones face and body to unmarried men which then leads them to sin? The fire of passion is not an ordinary one. If this youth falls into sin, it is because of this woman who refuses to cover herself. Some women go shopping and display all their feminine charms to the shopkeeper, just to strike a bargain. Some women exceed the limits of decent behaviour. They sell their respect in order to buy some cloth or a pair of socks. When I say that they sell their respect, I do not mean that they indulge fornication. I mean that they laugh and joke with namahram men and display all their charms to them. This is, in a way, selling oneself. Selling oneself does not only mean indulging in fornication; that is the final step on this ladder. Divorce For Carnal Satisfaction The second type of divorce is one given for vile reasons; this divorce is given for the satisfaction of the carnal desires. For example, a careless man is attracted to a woman and in order to marry her, he divorces his p: 195 wife. Worse than this is when a woman gets attracted to a man, becomes rebellious and wants her husband to grant her a divorce so that she can marry her lover. These are divorces sought for vile reasons. These are divorces sought for satisfying passions. This type of divorce is found to be more amongst careless people. I consider it necessary to point out the reasons for such divorces, and I request the ladies to please pay special attention. This is the result of mingling of the sexes, because men and women look at each other, because men and women talk to each other unnecessarily, and more than all this it is because of a lack of hijab or wearing clothes deemed inappropriate by Islam. One type of ' selling oneself' is when the woman wears a dress that exposes some of her body, goes out of her house and shows her body to namahram men. A type of ' selling oneself' is when a woman attracts the attention of the shopkeeper by displaying her charms and joking with him. He in turn laughs and jokes and talks seductively. This type of woman, who sells herself, should know that she is a big oppressor, because the Satan comes to this shopkeeper or namahram man, and then presents this woman to him. When this happens all the love that that man has for his wife disappears and things reach such a stage that he divorces his wife and the children are left without p: 196 any support. All this happens because the woman displayed her feminine charms to the shopkeeper or to the namahram man. This is a great oppression and attracts an equally great retribution. A thing which brings about great turmoil is infatuation. This is an ailment which is worse than the cancer. All types of infatuations, whether between persons of the same sex, that is between two girls or two boys, or between a man and a woman, are like cancerous diseases. If, God forbid, someone becomes inflicted with this disease he can never get along with his wife. Even if she does everything for him, he wants to leave her. He does not even care about his own self- respect. When we read the poetry of lovers, we find that the first thing a person loses in the path of infatuation is his self- respect and dignity. What is the source of this infatuation? This is born out of lust for sex. Beware! Don’ t let Satan mislead you. When two boys or two girls “ love” each other, this “ love” arises out of lust for sex, even if they call it love. Love, in the name of Allah, love for the sake of Allah only, is rare. The truth is what Imam Ja’ far al- Sadiq ( a. s) has said: When the love of the Lord departs from a persons heart, then the love of someone else occupies its place. Exchanging Glances And Meeting Each Other Some experts are of opinion that there are certain rays in the human body, which emanate from the eyes p: 197 in the form of love. Therefore, Islam forbids people from looking at each other with the feelings of lust. The safest attitude is to refrain from looking at a namahram. Men should not talk with women except when necessary. They should not look at women except when necessary. In the Holy Quran there are several verses on this subject. At one place it tells the women not to adorn themselves and beautify themselves for namahrams. At another place, it tells the women that they should talk with namahram only to the extent absolutely necessary. At yet another place it tells the men and women not to look at each other. In the chapter of Ahzaab the Quran addresses the Prophet ( s) thus: رَّحِیمًا غَفُورًا اللَّهُ کاَنَ وَ یُؤْذَیْنَ فَلَا یُعْرَفْنَ أَن أَدْنیَ ذَلِکَ جَلَبِیبِهِنَّ مِن عَلَیهِْنَّ یُدْنِینَ الْمُؤْمِنِینَ نِسَاءِ وَ بَنَاتِکَ وَ لّأَِزْوَجِکَ قُل ُّ النَّبیِ یَأَیهَُّا O Prophet! Tell thy wives and thy daughters and the women of the believers that they let down upon them their cover garments; that they may be known, so that they will not be troubled, God is Oft- Forgiving, the Most Merciful( . Sura Ahzaab, 33: 59) Therefore, according to the Holy Quran the respectability, the dignity, the status and the value of a woman lies in covering herself. Muslim women must be recognized because of their veil. If a woman does not cover her face, and a man falls in love with her, then there is nothing for her except shame. God forbid that a married woman herself p: 198 falls in love with someone. This will be the most shameful thing, and believe me, the following verse of the Holy Quran is most suitable for this man and woman: الْمُبِین الخُْسْرَانُ هُوَ ذَلِکَ الاَْخِرَةَ وَ الدُّنْیَا خَسِرَ He loseth both the world and the Hereafter. That is the sheer loss( . Sura al Hajj, 22: 11) The divorces taking place in such circumstances are due to the behaviour of women who display their charms to namahram men; those veiled and unveiled women who are not careful about the way in which they speak and talk. Women are beautiful and so attractive that the Holy Prophet ( s) and the infallible Imams ( a. s) . have said that if a woman is walking ahead of a man, he should not look at the back of that woman! He should not walk behind her, but should allow a gap between them. This discretion is advised because women are attractive for men; if this attraction turns into adoration, and even if the woman does not respond to the man, both the man and the woman will suffer. Islam has advised men not to immediately sit in a place vacated by a woman. The man may occupy the seat after it has become cold, so that the warmth of the seat does not give rise to satanic thoughts in him. Many divorces take place because women don’ t observe proper hijab, or because women talk to men or because they display their feminine charms. I appeal to the ladies to take p: 199 special care in covering their bodies. If a namahram man looks at you with lust, you will be unsuccessful in this world as well as in the hereafter. I would like to see separate public transport for men and women. If this is not possible, then at least there should be separate areas in the buses for men and women. God forbid, that a woman should share a seat with a man, or that the bodies of namahram men and women should touch each other, while travelling or standing in a bus, even if only their clothes come in contact. This is extremely dangerous. The woman is like a priceless jewel. Priceless jewels should be secured safely in a box. The more one guards priceless articles, the more these can be protected from thieves. Ladies and gentlemen, you should be wise in the way you behave and speak. I ask the men that if your wife does not dress appropriately and steps out of the house and others become besotted with her, then what will happen?.
Divorce Of Compulsion The third category of divorce, like the marriage of compulsion, is the divorce of compulsion. Nearly 80% of divorces fall into this category. There can be several reasons for such divorces. The first reason is that the wife doesn’ t perform her duties properly. She becomes a problem for the man. She neglects to perform the small, but important, tasks. All these small things add up to make the husband lose interest in his spouse. p: 200 He becomes impatient with her. In extreme cases the distraught husband starts beating and being violent with his wife and children. He couldn’ t care less, even if he is advised that his wife and children will be left without support. The same husband who used to confront all hardships to support his wife and children turns into a thoughtless and uncaring person. In certain cases, it is the husband who neglects the small, but really important things. His behaviour at home is undesirable. He is very stingy and rude. The wife becomes so fed- up with him that she starts nitpicking the smallest things. Don’ t be under the impression that because she is good now, she will continue to be good even after she gets fed- up. No, when the woman has had enough she will neither bother about the children, nor the relatives, but will be ready to forsake all of them if necessary. Men should organise their time. People who have achieved something in life always have a timetable to do things. Some people are so particular that even their toilet timings are fixed. They have fixed timings for eating, sleeping and work. Those who organise their time are the successful ones. Thus I request all the men and women to organise their time properly. The men must earmark some time to spend with their children. The wife should not feel lonely. We find some men with their heads in a book all the time. They are always reading. Gaining p: 201 knowledge is a good thing, but it should not be at the expense of the wife who feels lonely and sad. It is very dangerous if a person is so busy that he has no time to be with his family. A businessman wakes up in the morning and leaves for work. After dealing with all kinds of people when he returns home in the evening, all he wants is dinner and his bed. This is when he has not brought the accounts register home. Otherwise he falls asleep on the register itself. Such men should be aware that this is very harmful. A time will come when his good wife becomes bad. She loses interest in running the house. The man remains glued to the mosque while his children attend singing parties. When it is said' : Work for eight hours and worship for 8 hours,' it does not mean that you should be glued to the mosque for eight hours. It means that your wife and children also have a share in these eight hours. When a man returns home from work in the evening he should ask after the wife before asking after the children, because he is closer to his wife. If a child comes forward, pick him in your arms, but your sight should be on your wife. Some time ago a woman killed three of her children. She had inflicted seventeen injuries on one of the children. When interrogated, the woman said that whenever her p: 202 husband came home he gave all his attention to the children and ignored her. She became jealous and decided to kill her children. I am stressing on this topic because sometimes we are faced with such situations. Sometimes a woman telephones us and cries and complains bitterly. When the matter is investigated, we find that her husband is financially well- off, and sexually not lacking. There is one problem though - he cannot reach out to his wife. He has no time to sit and talk with her. The Prophet of Islam ( s) says that when a husband reaches home he should talk to his wife before discussing any other matters. Give her the opportunity to relate whatever she wants to. Give her the opportunity to unburden her heart. And listen to her. Don’ t interrupt her. Then encourage her and with great kindness help her to solve her problems. Thank her for all the trouble she takes to run the household. Then spend about half an hour talking and playing with the children. The children, in one family, became wayward when they grew up. The mother pinned the blame entirely on their father who, she said, was always glued to books or to the Quran. He never had time for them; he never played with them or talked to them. He never asked the children where they were going or where they were coming from. The scholar, the student, the man who, on arriving home, does not pay attention to his p: 203 wife or children, has usurped their right, and knowledge acquired by usurping someone’ s right can never be fruitful or useful. This man, this student, should first meet his wife and children and then study. Then, when he has studied for a couple of hours, it is the responsibility of the wife to adorn herself, and attend to him with a cup of tea or at least a glass of water. Greet him with a smile, offer him the tea or coffee and sit next to him. All the tiredness and tedium of the husband would disappear if the wife were to behave in this way. A person, whose wife had expired, used to cry very much. We asked him why he was so disconsolate. We told him to resign to the Will of Allah. He replied“ , I am resigned to the Will of Allah! But I am sad that my well- wisher is in the grave. When I would get tired after a few hours of studying, she would bring me a cup of refreshing tea, and refresh my tired mind. All the books that I have written are thanks to her loving care and attention” ! A scientist says that if I have invented something new or if I have been able to serve the world, it was because of my wife. She always dispelled my tiredness. If a husband neglects his wife and busies himself all the time in his studies or business, he is faced with a very dangerous situation. This is p: 204 a reason spouses hate each other, and where there is hate, divorce raises its ugly head. The woman, although she is chaste, good, and respectable, reaches the court and obtains divorce, because her patience is over. She says that she wants peace of mind. She is not even concerned about her children. Such divorces are because of the thoughtlessness of the spouses, and not giving time and attention to each other. Men don’ t shoulder their responsibilities; they don’ t make the woman a part of their lives. Almost 70% of divorces are caused by such attitude of the couples. The husband and wife are suspicious about each other. If the husband is ten minutes late, the wife insults him" : Where were you? Were you with your second wife" ? Then the husband retaliates by marrying a second wife, and sometimes a third. These suspicions and baseless thoughts are found in women, and also in some men. But if men are suspicious, they will have to bear a greater retribution.
The Seventeenth Talk 1. Need of A Family Our discussion now is on the needs that a husband and a wife have to fulfil for each other. Today’ s discussion is about the finances of the family and is an important one.
2. Condemning Stinginess In Material Needs The first need which both the husband and wife have to take care of is the material needs of each other. The husband must make all possible efforts to provide material comforts to his family, but if he is miserly not only does he fail to fulfil that which p: 205 is obligatory on him but also becomes the target of those verses of the Holy Quran which condemn miserliness. The Holy Book says that the miserly person should not think that stinginess is a virtue, it is an undesirable trait. On the Day of Judgement, the money that he refused to spend due to his stinginess will be hung from his neck in the form of a heavy chain, and he will be brought to the Grounds of Reckoning in this shameful state! الْقِیَمَةِ یَوْمَ بِهِ بخَِلُواْ مَا سَیُطَوَّقُونَ لَّهُمْ شرٌَّ هُوَ بَلْ لَّهُم خَیرًْا هُوَ فَضْلِهِ مِن اللَّهُ ءَاتَئهُمُ بِمَا یَبْخَلُونَ الَّذِینَ َّ یحَْسَبنَ لَا وَ And let not those who hoard up that which Allah hath bestowed upon them of his bounty think that it is better for them. Nay, it is worse for them. That which they hoard will be their collar on the Day of Resurrection( ….. . Sura Ali Imran, 3: 180) The people who, in their stinginess, don’ t spend on their families, on the society, on the poor and the needy and don’ t spend in the way of Allah, will find their stinginess hung in the form of a collar around their necks. A stingy man is detested. Miserliness is one of the negative traits in men. In fact, the miserly man himself condemns it. The proof of this fact is that when someone reminds such a person that he is stingy, he doesn’ t like the remark! Stinginess is one of the things that extinguish love, whether p: 206 it is in the society or in the house. If a man can afford to keep his family in comfort but refuses to do so his family will never respect him or love him. A man should, to the best of his capabilities, fulfil the needs of his family. He should, at least fulfil their basic needs of food, clothing and shelter, and if possible get them married etc. It is the man’ s duty to arrange for his daughters marriage and give her some dowry. It is his duty to educate his children, and choose a good wife for his son. Being miserly and not fulfilling these needs leads to many difficulties if their material needs are not met, some children resort to theft and robbery, the woman starts robbing from her own house. Initially she picks her husbands pocket, then she begins to shoplift.! All these calamities are the result of miserliness; hence one should not be miserly. Similarly the wife too should attend to the material needs of the husband. She must ensure that the husband gets good food at home. She must prefer him over herself and the children. If there is food, fruit, etc in the house, but the wife denies these to her husband, she is not only stingy, but also ' laeem'. Laeem persons are worse than misers. A miser is one who does not spend his own money on others, but a laeem is one who cannot bear another eating even what does not p: 207 belong to the laeem. They stop you from spending your own money ( not theirs) on the deserving and the poor, too. They justify their act by saying that when you do not spend on your own family and self, why should you spend on others! By saying such things they weaken your resolve to help the poor. The extreme case of a laeem person is one who envies others using their own money. Some people neither spend themselves, nor do they allow others to spend, neither do they allow others to help the needy and the poor. These persons are degraded and low. Laeem is that lady whose husband gets good food and fruits for the house, but she deprives him of these. One cannot expect love from such women. In one of my previous talks I have mentioned some men who expect too much from their wives. To use a proverb, they don’ t get meat, but want to eat kebab! But there are other families where the poor husband does bring the meat, but the wife serves the kebab to the children and the guests, but not to the husband! Such thoughtless women will be brought to the Grounds of Judgement in the form of the most degraded of the wild beasts. She will be asked why she denied the husband what belonged to him. The wife who metes out such treatment to her husband should not expect any love from him. And if the husband decides to marry p: 208 again, the wife should not cry and grumble. Similarly, if a husband does not fulfil; the needs of the family, inspite of having the means to, should not expect any love from them. It is very important that the husband and wife take good care of each other. If the husband has meagre means, the wife should not embarrass him by making demands on him. She should be patient and encourage him. The husband, too, should give preference to fulfilling the needs of the family to other things" . First, one should light the lamp in his home, then in the mosque! ” If a person’ s wife and children are not properly provided for, how can he help others? His first duty is towards his home - to fulfil the needs of his family. It is narrated that a person died and left everything he had in the way of Allah. The Prophet of Allah ( s) attended his burial. The companions met the Prophet ( s) in the evening and said“ , The dead man' s children are hungry! He was well- off, but at the time of his death he gave away everything he had in charity” . The Prophet ( s) said“ , If I was told about this earlier, I would not have offered the dead person’ s funeral prayer! The husband should have first taken care of his wife and children before giving any charity” . 3. Need of Satisfying The Sexual Instinct The sex instinct in the humans has to be satisfied. Just as other desires are satisfied, this desire, too, must be fulfilled. p: 209 It is necessary and obligatory on both the husband and the wife to satisfy each others sexual instinct. If any couple neglect this important aspect of their lives, they are committing a grave sin. The Prophet of Islam ( s) has said“ , If a husband goes to bed and calls his wife, and she evades till the husband falls asleep, then the angels curse her till the morning! This is the natural right of the husband and the wife over each other” ! Similarly, the Prophet ( s) has also said“ , If a man neglects to satisfy his wife’ s sexual needs, and the wife indulges in adultery, then the retribution will be as much for the husband as it is for the wife” ! If a wife is tardy about giving attention to the needs of the husband, and he falls into sin, that is he views namahram women with passion, then she is as much liable for Allah’ s punishment as him. This sin will be entered in the account of the husband as well as the wife! On the day of Judgement, when her account of deeds will be given to her, it will be shown that she had gazed at namahram seductively. The wife will plead with Allah that she never looked at a namahram! She will be told that“ , Your husband had done that, but it was because of you. You should have prevented it. You should have satisfied him sexually, whether it was before the act by adorning yourself etc. or the p: 210 actual act itself. If a man keeps more than one wife and doesn’ t satisfy them or give them equitable treatment, and if one of them gets fed- up and sighs, this sigh is sometimes back breaking, and is enough to uproot a person.
4. Need of Sympathy The third need is that of sympathy and consideration. This distinguishes a human being from a brute. The human beings are not inanimate objects or trees. Even the domesticated animals expect some sympathy from their masters. When you see a kitten or a lamb or a puppy going near its mother to feed, the mother views it with warmth. In addition to satisfying the physical needs of the little one, the mother satisfies its emotional needs too. She does this by licking the little one, and rubbing her head on his body. If beasts require warmth and affection, humans require it more. Even a dog knows that in addition to nutrition, its puppy needs love and sympathy. Man should know that expressing love and affection for each other is food for the soul. Food for the soul is more important than food for the body. God forbid that husband or wife should have less love for the spouse. Islam exhorts people to take special care of the orphans and the Holy Quran says that a society that doesn’ t care for the orphans is not a Muslim society. الرَّحِیمِ الرَّحْمَنِ اللَّهِ بِسْمِ بِالدِّینِ یُکَذِّبُ الَّذِی رَءَیْتَ أَ الْیَتِیمَ یَدُعُّ الَّذِی فَذَلِکَ In the name of Allah, the Beneficent, the MERCIFUL Hast thou observed him p: 211 who belieth religion? That is he who repelleth the orphan( . Sura Maauun, 107: 1- 3) ' O my Prophet! Should I show you the person who is not a Muslim, who has no faith in religion? He is the person who has abandoned the orphans' . Those who do not care about the orphans are not true Muslims. Why does Islam stress so much on helping and showing affection to the orphans? We read in the traditions that when an orphan came to the Prophet ( s, ) he used to make the orphan sit on his lap and stroked the head of the child with affection. He always gave special care to the orphans. Even Amir al Mu’ minin cared for orphans a lot. The families of the martyrs are blessed to have the opportunity to raise orphans. There are ladies whose husbands have died or have been martyred, and they are raising their orphaned children. These ladies are earning a great reward. It is narrated in traditions that if someone caresses the head of an orphan with affection, good deeds equal to the number of the hair his hand has touched, will be entered in his account of deeds. He gets a great reward. Dealing with orphans with love and affection fetches so much reward because they have lost their father. But the orphan still needs sympathy. Allah wants to fill this void from other sources. If their emotional needs are not fulfilled, they will become rebellious. A youth, boy or girl, who has been deprived of p: 212 love and affection, might prove to be very dangerous for the society. A society where there is dearth of affection turns into a society of criminals. A society lacking in affection will comprise of gloomy individuals. If a woman is depressed at heart, she cannot be expected to care for her husband. She will not be able to care for the house or be a good mother to her children. Similarly a man who is depressed at heart cannot be a part of the society; he remains cut off from the society. When does a person become depressed? When he is deprived of love and affection at home. Right from the beginning of life, the child has a lot of needs. Some are dormant. For example his Need of sex is there, but it is dormant. His love for money is dormant. However there are some needs he can understand. For example, he knows when he is hungry or thirsty and when he is satiated. He knows that when he is hungry, he should suck at his mother' s breast. One instinct is that of love. When the mother nurses her child, she fondly caresses him. The mother caressing her child with love is more important than the nursing itself. Similarly, when the father smiles at the child, it is more important than the mother' s milk. A father who fulfils the physical needs of his children but ignores their emotional needs, is a father only in name. He is an ignorant, uneducated p: 213 father. Some fathers are so busy with their work that they have no time for their children. When the father leaves home for work in the morning, the child is sleeping. When the father arrives home late after the days work, the child is sleeping. The father should play with the children, seat them on his lap, and caress their head lovingly. A father' s smile for his child is very important and valuable. Similarly his smile for his wife and his love towards his wife is very important, because human beings crave love. We read in the traditions that when Pharaoh was killing the male children, Hadhrat Musa ( a. s) . received his upbringing under the roof of that very tyrant, in the lap of Asiya, the wife of the Pharoah! Allah put love for Musa ( a. s) . in the heart of Pharoah. And he looked after Prophet Musa like a father. Allah says in the Holy Quran that Musa ( a. s) . was raised in His own care! In addition to this, Musa ( a. s) . was kept under the care of Hadhrat Shoaib ( a. s) . for ten years. Under the care of the Prophet of Allah, he reached perfection and achieved that stage where he had the privilege of conversing with Allah. When he was ordained a Prophet Musa ( a. s) . was commanded by Allah to make Haroon ( a. s) his vicegerent, so that they could together frighten the Pharoah! Still Allah instructed them to treat the Pharoah with consideration. طَغَی إِنَّهُ فِرْعَوْنَ إِلیَ اذْهَبَا لَّعَلَّهُ لَّیِّنًا قَوْلًا لَهُ فَقُولَا p: 214 یخَْشی أَوْ یَتَذَکَّرُ Go, both of you, unto Pharoah. Lo he hath transgressed ( the bounds). And speak unto him a gentle word, that peradventure he may heed or fear( . Sura Taha, 20: 43- 44) These verses indicate to us that a human being, whoever he might be, is thirsty for love and affection. Therefore Islam directs us to kill tyrants, but does not give us the right to abuse or insult him. It gives us permission to put the noose around his neck, but stops us from insulting him. The Judge can punish the person who insults others. Therefore, the wife expects love from the husband more than anything else. Similarly the husband too wants love from his wife before anything else. Your son, your daughter and your wife all expect love from you. When a man enters his house, he should at least say " salaamun ' alaykum". If he does not do this, he should at least meet his family with a smile. He should not come home with a long face, because it is a big calamity for the house. Sometimes husbands and wives hurt each other a lot. If the husband is ill- tempered, he goes to the extent of beating his wife. This sin will attract grave retribution. There are some husbands who neither verbally abuse nor beat their wives, but are always angry and sullen at home. The wife might have preferred to bear a hundred lashes from the husband than his glum demeanour. Similarly there are many wives who neither p: 215 nag the husbands nor fight with them but they always wear belligerent expressions and look angry. They even refuse to speak to her husband and are always sullen. This attitude is worst than lashing the husband a hundred times. This attitude may lead the husband to get fed- up with his wife. A husband should not assume that if he has a good tempered wife, she will remain so forever. If there is a decrease in love from your side, she can become bad. Similarly if there is a decrease in love for your son or daughter, it will inevitably lead to disaster. One has always to bear in mind that for a human being love is a prime need. If the ladies at home become paragons of love, they will be the most successful homemakers. If a woman is devoid of feelings of love and compassion for others, if she doesn’ t love her husband or children, then she is a demon! Women, by nature, are more loving than men. It is the duty of both husbands and wives to maintain an atmosphere of love and affection in their homes. May Allah help us succeed in these endeavours! Aameen!
The Eighteenth Talk
1. Spiritual And Intellectual Needs Today’ s discussion is about the fourth need - the spiritual need. Just as a person needs to be physically satisfied, he needs spiritual satisfaction. This is the main difference between human beings and the animals. Animals only have instincts and physical needs. At the most they need love and sympathy. But p: 216 man has both the physical as well as the spiritual aspects in his nature. This spiritual aspect has been endowed to him from the Aalam e Malkoot! The human being is so spiritually developed that Allah has made a special reference to him highlighting his felicity. سَجِدِین لَهُ فَقَعُواْ رُّوحِی مِن فِیهِ نَفَخْتُ وَ سَوَّیْتُهُ فَإِذَا So, when I have made him and have breathed into him of My spirit, do ye fall down, prostrating yourselves unto him( . Sura al Hijr, 15: 29) Allah ordered the angels to prostrate when He blew His spirit into him. This privilege is endowed only to man. When we consider the material aspect of life, we find that animals have very well defined and strong instincts and needs, which are easily satisfied. Therefore, we can say that the superiority of man lies in his spiritual aspect. Man has two aspects, thus he requires two types of nourishment. One is the material nourishment required for the maintenance of the physical existence. Similarly spiritual nourishment is necessary for him. If both the spiritual and material wants are not satisfied, man perishes! The difference between the two aspects is that when a person dies physically, it is not so important. But if he dies spiritually, according to the Holy Quran, he is worse than the lowliest of the animals and is headed straight for Hell: یَسْمَعُونَ لَّا ءَاذَانٌ لهَُمْ وَ بهَِا یُبْصِرُونَ لَّا ٌ أَعْینُ لهَُمْ وَ بهَِا یَفْقَهُونَ لَّا قُلُوبٌ لهَُمْ الْانسِ وَ ِ الجِْنّ مِّنَ کَثِیرًا لِجَهَنَّمَ ذَرَأْنَا لَقَدْ وَ p: 217 الْغَفِلُون هُمُ أُوْلَئکَ أَضَلُّ هُمْ بَلْ کاَلْأَنْعَمِ أُوْلَئکَ بهَِا Already have We urged unto Hell many of the jinn and humankind, having hearts wherewith they understand not, and having eyes wherewith they see not, and having ears wherewith they hear not. These are as the cattle--- nay, but they are worse!! These are the neglectful( . Sura al- A’ raf, 7: 179) Allah says that if man doesn’ t get spiritual nourishment, then his destiny is Hell. Such men have eyes, but they don’ t see. They don’ t distinguish between good and evil. They have ears, but they don’ t pay any heed to what they hear. They have tongues, but they speak not. They have hearts, but they don’ t think aright! Then Allah adds that such men are worse than the animals. They are like the silk- worms that produce the silk thread, wind it around their bodies and perish in the process! These, according to Allah, are the neglectful men. If someone has not received spiritual nourishment, his soul is dead. Such people should cry day and night, because of what the Holy Quran says about them. In another Verse the Holy Quran is more forceful: یَعْقِلُون لَا الَّذِینَ الْبُکْمُ الصُّمُّ اللَّهِ عِندَ ِ الدَّوَابّ شَرَّ إِنَّ Lo! The worst of beasts in Allah’ s sight are the deaf, the dumb, who have no sense( . Sura Al- Anfal, 8: 22) People with dead souls are worst than animals: they have brains, but do not think, they have the ability, but do not ponder. There are many such verses in the Holy Quran. The Prophet p: 218 ( s) has said: There are two blessings for men— welfare and peace. Truly, these are great blessings for men. When a man is ill, he loses interest in everything. Sometimes a person is physically well, but his spirit is ill, as the Quran says, their hearts are sick. This according to the Quran is a most dangerous state of affairs. When the heart is sick, the person rises against the Quran, the Prophet ( s) and his vicegerents ( a. s). He starts to interpret the verses of the Quran to suit himself; he distorts their meaning to suit himself. In the beginning of the Sura Ali Imran there are certain verses indicating that in the Quran there are Muhkam ( definitive) verses and others that are Mutashabih ( Ambiguous). Such men pick up ambiguous verses and try to interpret them to suit their selfish ends. From somewhere they get a tradition and explain it to suit themselves. They invent the speech of revered people, and distort it to suit themselves. When the spirit is ill, it is not like physical illness. This illness has special characteristics. The spiritually ill person is at war with the Holy Quran. Therefore, the Quran says it is a cure, but for the spiritually ill, there is nothing but loss, and more loss! تَأْوِیلِه ابْتِغَاءَ وَ الْفِتْنَةِ ابْتِغَاءَ مِنْهُ تَشَبَهَ مَا فَیَتَّبِعُونَ زَیْغٌ قُلُوبِهِمْ فیِ الَّذِینَ فَأَمَّا But those in whose hearts is doubt pursue, forsooth, that which is allegorical ( ambiguous) seeking ( to cause) dissensions by seeking to explain it( ….. Sura Ali Imran, p: 219 3: 7) Allah’ s mercy is nothing save loss for the oppressors and the spiritually ill. For example, melons and guava are very good fruits. But they are very harmful to one ailing from inflammation of the intestines. Eating these will further aggravate the pain or even lead to bleeding from the digestive system. The verses of the Holy Quran are very useful. But for the spiritually sick person, they result in losses. This reaction is somewhat like the effect of the melon on one suffering from intestinal inflammation! A person whose spirit is dead is harmful not only to himself, but also to others in his environment. He is like a cancer in the society. He will be a source of trouble for his own wife and children. Therefore, we must give special attention to spiritual needs of our families. Both the husband and wife should pave the way for the spiritual progress of each other. Both the mother and the father should look after the spiritual needs of their children, so that they can make spiritual progress. If parents cater only to the physical needs of the children and ignore their spiritual needs or give less importance to their spiritual growth, it is as if they are raising dogs and beasts. It is as if these parents are raising a cancer for the society. What is the nourishment of the spirit? It is salah ( prayer, ) fasting, recitation of the Holy Quran, remembrance of Allah and remaining awake in the night p: 220 for prayers, and communicating with Allah. If a woman doesn’ t offer salah, or offers it incorrectly, then her home and her husband are to be pitied. The Holy Quran says: الحِْجَارَة وَ النَّاسُ وَقُودُهَا نَارًا ْ أَهْلِیکمُ وَ ْ أَنفُسَکمُ قُواْ ءَامَنُواْ الَّذِینَ یَأَیهَُّا O ye who believe! Save yourselves and your families from the fire whose fuel shall be men and stones( … Sura Tahrim, 66: 6) If a man has strong faith, he will succeed in saving himself and his family from the Hellfire. This verse indicates that the men and women should be regular at offering salah. They must establish a strong rapport with Allah. They must recite the Holy Quran at home. They must supplicate. They must offer salatul layl ( late night prayers). They should pray as soon as the time for salah sets in. If they fail to do offer their salah as soon as the time for salah sets, they will gradually become spiritually dead. If a person does not nourish his soul, his spiritual condition will be just like the physical condition of a person who has not eaten for a few days! A person who starves himself might die physically after a few days of starvation! If the spirit of a person is deprived of its nourishment, it might die too after some time! The spiritual needs are not like the material, emotional and sexual needs of human beings. It is for the fulfilment of this need that a hundred and twenty four thousand Prophets ( a. s) . came into p: 221 this world with their books. It is for the spiritual progress of man that the Prophets ( a. s) . and their vicegerents ( a. s) . bore untold hardships. I draw your attention to the Ziarat of Aba Abdallah al Husayn ( a. s) . that reads: I bear witness that you established prayer ( salah) and gave the zakat and practiced commanding good ( amr bil ma' roof) and forbidding evil ( nahy anil munkar). When, on the day of Ashura, most of Imam Husayn ( a. s’ ) . s companions were already martyred, it was the time for Zuhr Prayer. One of his companions said“ , O son of the Prophet! The time for Zuhr has arrived. We wish to offer it behind you” ! The Imam ( a. s) . smiled and said“ , May Allah place you in the ranks of those who offer prayers” ! The arrows kept raining from the columns of the enemy but the Imam ( a. s) . stood steadfast in the middle of the ground offering salah along with his companions. God forbid that any house should be without salah; such a house is filled with animals, not humans. The inhabitants of such houses may be good looking, but believe me, they are beasts and are destined for dark places. The Holy Quran says: غَیًّا یَلْقَوْنَ فَسَوْفَ الشهََّوَتِ اتَّبَعُواْ وَ الصَّلَوةَ أَضَاعُواْ خَلْفٌ بَعْدِهِمْ مِن فخََلَفَ Now there hath succeeded them a later generation who have ruined worship and have followed lusts. But they will meet deception( . Sura Maryam, 19: 59) Those who recite salah but recite it incorrectly, those who are enslaved by sensual pleasures, desires and passions - these are surely p: 222 the misguided ones' . Ghay' in Arabic means misguidance' . Sawfa yalqawna ghayyaa' means that they are definitely misguided. These are the men who have gone astray from the right path. Their final destination is Hell. Ghay is also the name of a well in Hell. If we disregard salah, if someone recites salah but at the very end of the prescribed time, or recites it in a hurry, he is also misguided and does not have the shade of the mercy of the Lord over his head. If one is deprived of the shelter of the Lords’ mercy, he becomes entangled in all sorts of deviation. Mulla Fakhruddin Raazi has quoted a tradition in to explain Sura al Asr. This tradition is very enlightening. He writes that a woman came to the Prophet ( s) in a very disturbed state of mind. She said“ , O Prophet of Allah! I have committed a major sin. I am a married woman. Even then I was involved in adultery and gave birth to a baby. To hide my sin I put the baby in a cauldron of vinegar. I have already sold that tainted vinegar to people" . Imagine what a grave sin the woman had committed. Truly, if a person does not have Allah’ s mercy and grace, he can get totally deviated. He gets entangled in all sorts of troubles. The Prophet ( s) told the woman“ , I think that you have stopped reciting the Asr prayers. All this happened because the shelter of Allah’ s mercy was no p: 223 longer over you, which was the result of your neglecting salah” ! If we become regular at our prayers, and offer salah at the beginning of its appointed time, we will be safe from becoming entangled in such calamities. If you want to become noble, pray regularly at the beginning of the time for prayer, along with the after- prayer supplications ( Ta' qibaat, ) in congregation, while observing the etiquette of salah. Women should pray at a spot in the home earmarked for this purpose. These are the acts of the truly blessed people! If there is no atmosphere of spirituality in a house, it will be a troubled place. Its condition will be like that of a spirit suffering from an ailment. What makes the soul ill? It is sin! The Holy Quran, in some places, terms sin as an ailment. This is because sins render a person’ s heart black, make the heart ill and taint the heart with ' rust'. When a person’ s heart becomes sick, the first symptom is that he is unable to derive pleasure from worship. On the contrary it derives pleasure from sinning. If there is anyone in this audience who doesn’ t enjoy prayers but enjoys sinning, let him know that he is spiritually ill. He must get himself treated otherwise his heart will turn black! The Holy Quran pities the person whose heart has turned black on account of sinning! Sometimes the heart has turned black, but to a lesser extent. Sometimes the entire heart becomes pitch black.
Imam Jafar al- Sadiq ( a. s) . says that such persons will not get deliverance. The Holy Quran says: مُّبِین ضَلَلٍ فیِ أُوْلَئکَ اللَّهِ ذِکْرِ مِّن قُلُوبهُُم لِّلْقَسِیَةِ فَوَیْلٌ رَّبِّهِ مِّن نُورٍ عَلیَ فَهُوَ لِلْاسْلَمِ صَدْرَهُ اللَّهُ شَرَحَ فَمَن أَ Is he whose bosom Allah hath expanded for the Surrender ( unto Him, ) so that he followeth a light from His Lord( , as he who disbelieveth)? Then woe unto those whose hearts are hardened against remembrance of Allah. Such are in plain error( . Sura az- Zumar, 39: 22) Fortunate is the heart that has illuminated itself with Allah’ s remembrance. Radiant is the heart that is glowing with the felicity of prayer and fasting. Shame on the heart that has turned black with sin. Sins have turned this heart into stone. The Holy Quran says that the sinning hearts are hardened. Beware of the hardening of the heart. Sin, however small it may be, plays a major role in hardening the heart. Imam Jafar al- Sadiq ( a. s) . has said that when a person commits a sin, a small dark spot appears on his heart. If he does not repent, the spot increases in size. This process goes on till the entire heart darkens. Then the person cannot be reformed. Can you comprehend where those families have reached who listen to music, where the husband and wife backbite, accuse others falsely, oppress others and keep a lookout for faults in others? Their hearts are black; their hearts are brimming with the prohibited. But worse than sinning is the presence of negative qualities p: 225 in people. Imam Jafar al- Sadiq ( a. s) . has said that sins are more harmful for the heart than piercing a knife in someone’ s stomach. But negative traits are even more dangerous than sins. These traits are present in every one of us and are difficult to eliminate. One may have to struggle for twenty years to uproot the tree of negative traits from his heart. After twenty to thirty years of strenuous efforts one might be able to plant the sapling of virtue in the same heart and make it flourish to bear fruit! None can claim that he is totally free of negative traits. It is our responsibility to fight and vanquish these traits. We have to ensure that they don’ t assume stormy proportions. What happens to towns and cities when they are flooded? The same thing happens to man when he is flooded with negative qualities – It completely destroys his spirituality. When a fire is small, it can be extinguished with some effort. But when it turns into an inferno, then it goes beyond control. When the negative traits become like an inferno, it is impossible to combat it. From the very childhood, children should be trained to combat these negative traits. Men should exercise total control over their tongues. Their talk with their wives and the children should be polite and morally upright. The ladies must know that jealousy is a very harmful trait. When a person turns jealous, she starts the Battle of Jamal inspite of knowing p: 226 the truth.. Who was the cause of this battle? It was a person with a jealous heart. When she was informed that Uthman was assassinated, she said“ , Praise be to Allah, that Na’ thal is dead” ! When later on she heard that Imam Ali ( a. s) . has become the Caliph, she said" , How I wish I had died before getting this news. If the skies had fallen on me, it would have been better than hearing this news” ! Thus the seeds were sown for the Battle of Jamal. To quench the fires of this jealousy about a thousand lives were lost. Do you know Ali ( a. s)? . Who was he? Talha and Zubair knew him better than you and I. These two men knew that Ali ( a. s) . had grown up in the lap of the Prophet ( s). In the Holy Quran more than a hundred verses have been revealed concerning him. These two persons asked Ali ( a. s) . to give them money from the public treasury. Ali ( a. s) . refused. They asked him to give them positions of power in the government. Imam Ali ( a. s) . did not consider them deserving of this either. They went away disappointed and started propaganda that became the cause of the Battle of Jamal. The Muslims had to bear much hardship because of this battle. What hardships were inflicted on the Muslims because of this battle? If some one asked you about the causes of the Battle of Jamal, your reply should be - the twin causes were jealousy and p: 227 greed! When the accursed Ibne Muljim martyred Imam Ali ( a. s) . he was under the illusion that he was doing it to attain nearness to Allah! If you are asked who martyred Imam Ali ( a. s, ) . you should reply that it was a stubborn person who committed the heinous act. Imam Ali’ s personality was such, that all knew him. When this same Ibne Muljim was sitting near the pulpit of the Prophet ( s, ) the Prophet ( s) declared“ , O Ali! You and your Shias will emerge successful on the Day of Judgement! O Ali! Only you and your Shias will be victorious” ! Ibne Muljim was sitting nearby when the Prophet ( s) said“ , If your Faith and the Faith of all the men, the angels and the Jinn is compared, your Faith will surmount that of all of them put together” ! The accursed person, even after hearing all this, martyred the great Imam ( a. s)! . Ladies and gentlemen! Abstain from stubbornness otherwise you too will end up like this. If you don’ t accept criticism and always insist on only your own point of view, then you refuse to listen to anyone but your own desires. You will reach a stage when you will act only on Satan’ s instigation. I appeal to every one to take care of the spiritual needs of your homes. In many situations the man is able to meet the material needs of the family. He toils to provide comfort for his family, but his wife becomes his enemy, because his love for her has p: 228 decreased. He does not fulfil the spiritual needs of the family. Because of the paucity of a spiritual atmosphere in their homes, they turn into dungeons. These homes, in terms of the Quran, have turned dark. بَعْض فَوْقَ بَعْضُهَا ظُلُمَتُ سحََابٌ فَوْقِهِ مِّن مَوْجٌ فَوْقِهِ مِّن مَوْجٌ یَغْشَئهُ ّ لُّجِّیٍ بحَْرٍ فیِ کَظُلُمَتٍ أَوْ Or as darkness on a vast, abysmal sea. There covereth him a wave, above which is a wave, above which is a cloud. Layer upon layer of darkness ( … Sura an- Nur, 24: 40) The actions of infidels are compared here with the darkness of the deep seas where wave after wave covers the bottom and makes it dark!
The Nineteenth Talk
1. Interference Of The Parents Today we shall discuss about the interference of parents in the lives of their children. This topic has always been an important matter of debate. Lots of unnecessary problems crop up because of uncalled for interference in the affairs of the children by their parents. Many divorces, too, take place between young couples because of parental interference. If we really want our children to flourish and progress, we should refrain from interfering in their affairs. We should not try to become uninvited judges of their problems. We find that this malaise is deep rooted in our society. It has gone to such an extent that even the men of piety, even those who are regular in salah and even those who are understanding, intentionally or unintentionally, cause problems for their children by their interference. We need to learn a lesson p: 229 from animals. They care for their offspring only till the time they need it. When they are capable of fending for themselves, the father and the mother leave them free to go their own way! We find that certain birds feed grains to their chicks for a few days only. When they find that the chicks are strong enough to fly, they teach their chicks to fly. When the chick has learnt to fly, they do not allow it to remain in the nest! You must have noticed that when a lamb is born, the mother exhibits a special affection and concern for it. She feeds it with her own milk for about two months and doesn’ t allow it to eat grass. When the lamb is strong enough to graze and feed itself, a degree of unconcern for the little one grows in the mother. This instinct is found in all animals. It is found in humans too. It is only that we don’ t act on it. Our duty is to give a good upbringing to our daughters in all aspects - material, emotional, and spiritual. Give her a good Islamic upbringing. When it is time to marry her off, arrange her marriage so that she can start her future life with her husband. After this, the parents should refrain from interfering in their affairs. Now comes the time when the mothers should not be nosey about the affairs of their daughters. If some differences crop up between the daughter p: 230 and the son- in- law, the parents should side with the son- in- law, instead of siding with their daughter, even if the son- in- law is at fault. To become an obstacle in the daughters married life, to plant thoughts in her mind and gain control over her are acts of oppression. The interference of parents many times becomes the cause of break- up of marriages of young couples. Even if things don’ t reach the stage of divorce, it will become the cause of reduction in love between the young couple. It is our duty, too, to give a proper Islamic upbringing to our sons. We must take care of their material, emotional and spiritual needs and give decent men to the society. When this son becomes an adult, it is the duty of the parents to find a suitable spouse for him, so that he can start his married life. Now the parents should refrain from interfering in the matters of the young couple. If it comes to their notice that the young couples have some differences, they should take sides with the daughter- in- law even if she is at fault. Later on, point out her mistake to her and show her the correct way. But right now, it is important to put out the fire of discord and not fan it. If the parents find that the newly wedded couple are having a fight, they should wisely try to diffuse the situation. But generally we find that the parents of married young men, especially the fathers, p: 231 side with their sons and thus create problems in their married life. Mothers in turn expect their sons to do their bidding. Even if the mother orders her son to divorce his wife, she expects him to obey her. Only then will she be pleased with him. The father wants his son to be permanently enslaved to him and do his bidding. This is completely wrong. Such people deal a terrific blow to love, create tensions and destroy homes. یَسْتَهْزِؤُن بِها کانُوا وَ اللَّهِ بِآیاتِ کَذَّبُوا أَنْ السُّوای أَساؤُا الَّذینَ عاقِبَةَ کانَ ثُمَّ Then the fate of those who committed misdeeds was that they denied the signs of Allah and they used to deride them( . Sura ar- Rum, 30: 10) The Holy Quran says that those who trouble the believing men and the believing women, and don’ t express sincere repentance thereafter, will not only be consigned to Hell but will have to bear the punishment of fire. Those who sow discord should know that there are two terrible punishments awaiting them. In this world they too, will become entangled in discord. A mother- in- law who creates unnecessary problems for her daughter- in- law should know, the Quran says, that her own daughter might face a similar situation. Similarly a woman who creates problems for her son- in- law should be aware that her own son will also have to face similar problems. In the Hereafter, this discord that she has created will assume the form of fire and entwine itself around her feet. At another place, the Holy Quran p: 232 uses a more stern language: الْقَتْل مِنَ أَشَدُّ الْفِتْنَةُ وَ ….. for persecution is worse than slaughter( ….. Sura al Baqarah, 2: 191) Telling tales, creating tensions and finding fault with others are sins worse that murder. The sin of killing someone is so great that if someone kills an innocent person, it is equal to killing the entire mankind: جَمِیعًا النَّاسَ قَتَلَ فَکَأَنَّمَا الْأَرْضِ فیِ فَسَادٍ أَوْ نَفْسٍ بِغَیرِْ نَفْسَا قَتَلَ مَن … whosoever killeth a human being for other than man- slaughter or corruption in the earth, it shall be as if he had killed all mankind( … , Sura al Maidah, 5: 32) Spreading discord and creating bitterness between a husband and wife are sins worse than killing someone. A foolish old man who had caused separation between his son and daughter- in- law, came to Imam Husayn ( a. s). . The Imam ( a. s) . told him“ , I have heard that you have instigated separation between your son and his wife” When the man nodded his head in the affirmative, the Imam ( a. s) . rejoined“ , Do you know what magnitude of sin you have committed? Instead of causing their separation, if you had cut their veins your sin would have been lighter than what you have perpetrated” ! If someone cuts off the veins of another and kills him in this painful way, how big a sin is this? If a person kills someone and cuts his dead body into pieces, he will rise on the Day of Judgement in the form of a dog or a beast. Imam Husayn ( a. s) . is telling us p: 233 that causing separation between husband and wife is a bigger sin than killing two people. This tradition tells us that making up tales and creating hatred between people is a sin bigger than taking human life. In our society fault finding is generally associated with the mother- in- law. She makes allegations so that her son does not think well of his wife. What does the mother- in- law achieve by doing this? Only troubles and problems. The first problem is that her son will become disturbed. After this, her son will never strive to keep her happy. Then she will have to face punishment in the hereafter. Some mothers- in- law are so ignorant that they treat their good and considerate sons- in- law as beggars. They are so foolish, they do not ponder upon the outcome of their behaviour. Some mothers- in- law give preferential treatment to one son- in- law over the other. This happens when one daughter was married some years ago and the second one very recently! So the recent son- in- law receives better treatment. These mothers don’ t realize how much they hurt their own daughters. Sometimes the mothers- in- law use such harsh language, and inflict such deep wounds that the sons- in- law cannot forget it for the rest of their lives. People should abstain from polluting their tongues with bad language; otherwise these will assume the form of scorpions and keep stinging the person on the day of Judgement! It is a shame for the mother- in- law that instead of being friendly and affectionate with the daughter- in- law, she stings her like p: 234 a scorpion. She should treat her as she would treat her own daughter, or even better than that. The father- in- law, who is like her father, should also love her like his daughter. Instead we find her being treated as an enemy. For example, she is told that the dowry was insufficient. Shame on the people who harbour such thoughts. Sometimes a son- in- law doesn’ t speak with the father– in- law because the dowry was less. Is this not a shameful attitude? The daughter- in- law should treat the mother- in- law with love and affection because it is the mother- in- law who has brought up her husband, and then handed him over to her. She should respect and love her father- in- law because he has undergone a lot of trouble to raise her husband. I shall quote a parable here. A bitterly cold wind was blowing. A camel arrived at a hen coop. He put his head inside the coop, asked for some space and stepped right inside. In doing so, he destroyed the coop. Neither was he not able to find any shelter for himself, but instead ended up destroying the shelter of the hen. Many newly- wed daughters- in- law too are like this. They want to totally dominate their husbands. They want to drive their parents- in- law out of the house. How foolish is this attitude! This attitude is inhuman, and such people are committing a grave sin. What I want to stress here is that the parents and the children who live and share life amicably are always a p: 235 blessed and happy family. They will be together in Heaven congratulating each other. To the contrary, in families where there are dissensions, hatred, and differences for small material advantages, they will neither have peace in this life nor rewards in the Hereafter. When a mother- in- law nags her daughter- in- law for bringing a meagre dowry, when a mother- in- law taunts a son- in- law for being poor and unable to meet the household expenses, they are earning for themselves a place in the Hell with this attitude. The daughter- in- law will be in Hell, when the husband will arrive there and curse her. Then the mother- in- law will arrive and curse her. The daughter- in- law will inturn curse her. Then the girl’ s mother will arrive and curse her daughter, blaming her for landing them in Hell. I am telling you only what the Quran says. When all these will have gathered, they will blame each other, for their own faults. The Quran says that all of these are cursed, because they have landed each other in Hell. If this is going to be the outcome, why do we fight at home? I make a fervent appeal to the daughters- in- law. They should strive to be loyal to their husbands and his family. They should strive to spend a happy and contented life with their husbands and other members of his family. I appeal to the sons, too, to be loyal to their wives and should not act on the foolish dictates of their mothers. I especially appeal to the ladies p: 236 because if the girl remains loyal, her mother- in- law cannot interfere in their affairs or destroy their home. She should be sensible and not listen to foolish talk. If the newly wed wife heeds the gossip mill, her life will be destroyed at the beginning of the married days. In many a case the result is a divorce! I know of several cases of divorce. When I ponder over them, I find that in most instances the mothers- in- law are the cause of the break up. The fathers- in- law, too, show a lack of understanding. Instead of adopting a discreet silence, they interfere with the affairs of the young couple. The parents of the boy should take sides with the daughter- in- law. It is the responsibility of the girls’ parents to support the son- in- law. When a small quarrel erupts between the couple, instead of brokering a compromise, they further fan the flames of discord and thus the couple starts fighting. It is a terrible thing for the husband and wife to fight with each other. If a young wife fights with her husband and goes away to her parents’ home, her mother and mother- in- law should try to cool her down and convince her to return home. A sensible father will tell her that her home is where her husband lives and she should go back there. He will take the daughter to her husband’ s home and tell him to let bygones be bygones. Thus the difference between man and wife can be nipped in the p: 237 bud. However angry and excitable the young son- in- law is, if the mother- in- law takes back her daughter to his home and talks to him for sometime, he will cool down. If the parents- in- law are good to the daughter- in- law, treat her with affection and side with her when some quarrel erupts, the daughter- in- law, however bad she may be, will reciprocate their love, and there will be no discord in the house. When a man returns home after the day’ s hard work, which according to the Quran is a place of rest and relaxation, he expects the care and support of his wife to tide over the tiredness and refresh himself. But sometimes, instead of comfort, the home becomes a source of torture. The wife, who has been feeling lonely all day long, starts complaining to her husband as soon as she sees him. She complains to him about his parents - today your mother said this to me, your father scolded me like this. Then as soon as his mother finds him alone, she starts
backbiting about his wife - your wife is stupid, she has no brains, actually she is not fit for our house. The poor man is already tired after working the whole day, listening to all this, tires him out. He becomes disturbed. The home is no longer a shelter for him. Do you realize how great a sin this is? The retribution for backbiting is more than the retribution for fornication. According to a tradition of the p: 238 Holy Prophet ( s, ) if a fornicator dies without repenting, then as soon as he reaches the gates of Hell, such an intolerably foul smell will arise out of his private parts that the inhabitants of Hell will plead will Allah to relieve them of the foul smell. Fornication is such a grave sin. But a bigger sin is to backbite about someone and destroy or cause a decrease in the regard others have for him. If you backbite about your daughter- in- law to your son, or accuse her falsely, it is a very grave sin. On the day of Judgement, such people will be dipped in a lake of putrid water and will stay there as long as everyone is through with giving their account of deeds. Then, they will be consigned to Hell in the same state. Don’ t backbite because it is a major sin. A newly married girl and her mother- in- law should refrain from backbiting against each other. Certain mothers- in- law are so low, that they are always on the look- out for the faults of their daughters- in- law, so that they can condemn the daughter- in- law and backbite about her to their sons. If only such mothers- in- law knew what the Holy Prophet ( s) has said. He ( s) has said“ , O people who believe. Do not be critical of others nor interfere in the matters of other people. If you do so, Allah will put you to shame on the Day of Judgement” ! She should realise that tomorrow her daughter can get the same p: 239 treatment she metes out to her daughter- in- law today. This world will pass, but what will happen in the Hereafter? The first day in the grave is very difficult. The parents- in- law should not be concerned about the dowry. Only foolish people have such concerns. They should not be worried that their daughter- in- law has brought less dowry. What they should be worried and concerned about is their graves. It is a crime for the mother- in- law to go through the purse of her daughter- in- law. Similarly the wife should not check her husband’ s wallet - these actions have grave consequences. I make a fervent appeal to the parents not to interfere in the affairs of their grown- up children. Leave them free to carve their own futures. Do not hurt others - worry about your Hereafter.
The Twentieth Talk 1. Obeying The Husband It is natural for the wife to obey the husband. If a wife doesn’ t obey her husband, she is acting against nature. As you are well aware, all organizations must have a chief or a head. Imagine the smallest organization, say, with seven members, with no chief. There will be no discipline or order in such an organisation. According to wise men, the home is not just an organisation; it is a small kingdom with many such small kingdoms making up the nation. The small kingdom, too, needs a chief. The law of nature dictates that man should be the head of the family, because providing for the household expenses and the legal responsibility of feeding and clothing p: 240 the wife rests with the husband. The Holy Quran entrusts this function to the husband thus: أَمْوَلِهِم مِنْ أَنفَقُواْ بِمَا وَ بَعْضٍ عَلیَ بَعْضَهُمْ اللَّهُ فَضَّلَ بِمَا النِّسَاءِ عَلیَ قَوَّمُونَ الرِّجَالُ Men are in charge of women, because Allah hath made the one of them to excel the other, and because they spend of their property ( for the support of women( ). Sura al Nisa, 4: 34) The affairs of the home are in the control of man because he has the nature and capability of performing this function. The second aspect is that Islam entrusts the men with the responsibility of providing the basic necessities for the women. Therefore the wives should be obedient to the husbands. Similarly the children should be obedient to the father. A home where the children do not listen to their father is like an organisation where certain employees do not listen to the chief. If a wife wants to have her own way in running of the house, against the wishes of the husband, then it will be like an organization where the deputy chief disregards the chief. Obviously such an organisation cannot progress. Such organisations are subject to fights and strife. If the members of a family desire unity, peace, and comfort, the children should obey their father, and the wife should listen to her husband, because this is his right. The second right of a husband is the right of intercourse with the wife. In this respect the wife has to be totally obedient to p: 241 the husband. If she does otherwise, in the view of all the Jurists, she is Nashiza ( disobedient). Such a woman cannot demand food, clothing and shelter from the husband because she is denying him the right to intercourse. The Holy Quran has strong views about this matter. There are several traditions too on the subject. The author of Wasail writes that a young girl came to the presence of the Prophet of Allah ( s) and inquired“ , O Prophet of Allah! I want to get married. What rights does the husband have over the wife” ? The Prophet ( s) said“ , The first right that the husband has over the wife is that she should not act like a thief at home. She should not become rebellious. She should not pretend to do something and in reality do something else” . The girl said“ , I shall take good care of this matter” ! Then the Prophet ( s) said“ , The second right of the husband is that the wife must totally submit to his natural instinct of sexual intercourse” . The girl assented to this condition too. The Prophet ( s) then said“ , If any differences crop up at home, it will be your duty to ask for pardon from your husband and you should not sleep till he is pleased” . The third condition appeared harsh to the girl and she asked“ , Do I have to ask the pardon of my husband, even if he is on the wrong, even if he is the oppressor” ? The Prophet ( s) p: 242 replied emphatically“ , Yes! Even if your husband is oppressive and at fault, it will be your duty to seek a truce and ask for his pardon” ! The reason for this injunction is that the very existence of woman is for love and affection. She has been created for radiating love and affection. The Holy Quran considers a woman who possesses two qualities to be good: الله حَفِظَ بِمَا لِّلْغَیْبِ حَفِظَتٌ قَنِتَتٌ فَالصَّلِحَتُ So good women are the obedient, guarding in secret that which Allah hath guarded( ….. . Sura an- Nisa’, 4: 34) A good wife is one who is humble and submissive with her husband. She does not have an abusing tongue and is chaste - whether she is alone or has company. Whether she is at home or in the street, she must remain chaste. Just as she observes hijab in public, in the same way she should also hijab in front of her namahram relatives. Thus she should observe hijab in front of her husband’ s brothers, in front of her husband’ s uncles, in front of the shopkeepers in her neighbourhood, in front of neighbours, and acquaintances etc, . The wife should be obedient and submissive to the husband in matters of sex. Similarly the husband should also listen to the one who helps him and co- operates with him. Just as an organisation has advisers or consultants, so does the home. At home it is the wife who helps and advices the husband. All the programmes for the family are to be finalized by p: 243 the husband, but he should consult the wife. If she makes a good suggestion, he should accept it. One tradition of Amirul Mu’ minin ( a. s) . is very popular. Some people deduce a wrong meaning from it“ : Consult your wives, but don’ t follow their advice” ! Can he ever suggest that men should consult their wives and turn down their ideas even if they are good? Do people think that Ali ( a. s) . will ever talk such nonsense. The real meaning of the tradition is that the husbands must consult their wives and turn down their suggestions only if they are not good. The men must listen to their wives, but the final decision is in his hands. He may accept her suggestion. This above statement of Amirul Mu’ minin, is totally in agreement with what the Holy Quran says on the matter. The Quran addresses the Holy Prophet“ , Consult with your companions. Don’ t ignore them. Don’ t ignore the Muslims. Respect their personalities. But deciding the programmes is your duty” . الله عَلیَ فَتَوَکَّلْ عَزَمْتَ فَإِذَا ….. And when thou art resolved, then put the trust in Allah( ….. . Sura Ali- Imran, 3: 159) The Quran and the tradition of Ammerul Mu’ minin ( a) both say the same thing. Man must consult his wife, because she is his adviser. If her suggestion is not good, then he should exercise discretion in the matter. In one of the traditions the Prophet of Allah ( s) has said that one must consult his eldest son in important matters. The son is the master for the first p: 244 seven years, a slave or servant for the next seven years and an assistant for the next seven years of his life. For the first seven years of a child' s life, we must listen to what he says and wants. During the next seven years he should be trained to do work and should be made to work, so that he becomes a good human being and is not lazy. When he becomes above fourteen years of age, he should be consulted. Our children have a special place in society that should be given to them. It is the parents who can develop children with strong characters. It is wrong to tell a fourteen- years old boy or girl that he/ she is stupid or foolish. The Holy Quran says that we must treat our children with kindness. Use words like ‘ my dear’ while addressing them. Address them politely and with affection. They must be told to be polite in talking to others. They should also be instructed that any type of polytheism is a major sin. Instruct them gently, explain kindly, make matters clear for them and then leave them alone. If we do all this, we will make our children decent persons. Our kindness towards our children will nourish the instinct of love in them. The traditions indicate to us that we should maintain closeness with our children, consult them when they come of age and accept their suggestions if they are worth adopting. Some men are so thoughtless that they p: 245 keep the members of their families uninformed about their concerns. They don’ t inform their families about the nature and type of job they do, they don’ t share with the family their plans for the future. It is not only the children who do not know anything; even their wives are totally ignorant about these matters. She does not know what her husband does for a living; she does not know how her husband meets the household expenses. She only knows that the husband leaves home in the morning and returns in the evening with an abusive tongue. Husbands should take their wives into confidence, because the wives are their deputies at home. If the husband is the head of the family, the wife is his helper in running the house. It is not right for the chief of any organization to ignore his deputy and keep him uninformed about the goings on. The wife, too, should cooperate with the husband in implementing his plans. This attitude will reinforce the husband' s love for his wife. When the wives dutifully follow the instructions of their husbands, it is as if they are following the dictates of the Quran. The husbands must also remember that the Quran says that husbands should not ask their wives to do anything that goes against the Shariah. The wife too has certain rights which the husband is obliged to fulfil. Psychologists say that if a person wants a comfortable and happy family- life, he should not get into p: 246 fights and arguments. The husband should inform his wife and children about the steps taken by him in fulfilling their rights. It would be nice if the husband kept his family informed about his income and expenditure. When the husband refuses to spend, his family considers him to be a miser. But if they know that his income is less, they will no longer consider him to be a miser; neither will they make unimportant demands. If the husband disregards his wife, it will affect her character. She will no longer love her husband or be a good wife to him. I appeal to you not to insult your children, because if a young person is insulted, no crime is too big for him. The wife must obey her husband. In turn, the husband must consult with his wife and not ignore her.
2. Home And The Rule Of Law I would like to say that laws and regulations cannot be enforced in homes. What will be more effective in the environment of the homes - laws and regulations or kindness, companionship, friendship, and thoughtfulness? The poet says: Who am I? Layla! And who is Layla? It is I Both are one soul in two separate bodies If regulations come in the way, then the matters will go haywire. For example: The husband can tell the wife“ , Don’ t step out of the house, because this is my right” . Now the wife is obliged to take her husband’ s permission before stepping out of the house. This is a right given to p: 247 men by Islam. If the husband wants to enforce the law a hundred percent, can his wife visit her parents if she wishes to? No. She wants to visit a neighbour. She can’ t. She has to live in the seclusion of the four walls of her house. But, if you enforce such strictness on your wife, she can also do a lot of things ( in retaliation). There is a saying among the people that if you keep a woman in a house of steel, you cannot prevent her from going out if she is not a modest woman. Through enforcement of laws in a harsh manner we cannot prevent the wives from doing what they wish to do. But this can be achieved through companionship and being friendly. The thing that truly makes a woman totally submissive is thoughtfulness, kindness, honesty and friendship! If we make the wife our adviser and confidante instead of neglecting her, there will not be any Need of enforcing the regulations. Suppose the wife also starts enforcing rules, like the husband? For example, she tells her husband“ , Pay up, or else I will not nurse the child. Pay up! Only then will I do some work in the house. Get me a servant, if I don’ t have a servant to help me in the house, I will not do any work. If you work, only then will I work in the house. I am obliged to submit to you only for sex, so I refuse p: 248 to do anything else at home” . In such a situation the home will begin to resemble a prison. A time might come when the husband thinks of dissolving the marriage. If the husband strictly enforces laws at home, the wife will start complaining within ten days. Therefore, we cannot insist on following strict laws and regulations in the day to day life! According to Quran, the best course is: الْإِحْسان وَ بِالْعَدْلِ یَأْمُرُ اللَّهَ إِنَّ Indeed Allah enjoins justice and kindness( … Sura an- Nahl, 16: 90) This means that justice and thoughtfulness must be equally balanced. The wife must be obedient to the husband, not under duress, but with affection. The husband should keep rapport with his wife so that she obeys him. The wife should deal with the husband with such love and affection, that he is obliged to reciprocate with kindness. Kindness and obedience cannot be obtained by enforcing laws. I know many people who adopt such stern attitude in their lives, the results of which are very unfortunate. For example: If a wife’ s chador accidentally moves away from her face, the husband starts shouting at her. Maybe, the first time the wife will not protest. She may even put up with his rude remarks a few more times. But a time comes when the wife becomes rebellious and discards the chador totally, to the extent that she goes in front of the namahram in that state. In your presence she will wear the veil, but when you are away, she abandons it. Such p: 249 things happen because the husband is an authoritarian. He is unbearably strict. There are certain husbands who tell their wives: you have no right to talk to my brother. You have no right to talk in the presence of my relatives. Such harshness results in serious consequences. Some wives too, have such negative attitudes with their husbands, even if her husband is patient. But when he has had enough, he divorces her. I appeal to you that the environment of your home should be one of love and amity, not one of dominance and enforcing rules. For example, the woman is chaste and observes proper hijab, still her strict husband does not allow her to step out of the house. He doesn’ t allow her to visit friends, or go to the market to buy something. He doesn’ t even allow her to visit her parents. Should she not visit her parents? If you cannot get along with them, should she forsake them as well? By doing this you are only inviting trouble for yourself and your children. The stricter a husband is with his wife, the more stubborn she will become. What is desired of the husband and wife is to develop love and affection. Then they will be able to give their best attention to the upbringing of their children. They should be more concerned about the whereabouts of the daughter. Where does she go? Who are her friends? Does she come home on time? But if the parents become strict p: 250 with their children, they too, will complain. We come across children who frequent places which their parents disapprove of. When the reason for this is investigated, it is found that their upbringing was not on proper lines. Even if some attempts were made at upbringing, it was not with love and affection. Islam says that both excess and deficit are undesirable. Amir al Mu’ minin ( a. s) . has said: An ignorant person is either lazy or hasty. Some characterless people can become friendly, but their friendship is such that the day they clash, their attitude undergoes such a drastic change that they start accusing others falsely. Such people cannot train their children. Even if they find some time to sit with their children, they use such harsh words that the personality of the child is badly hurt. Another thing I want to point out is that people should desist from misusing rules and regulations. In the view of Islam this is not a good practice. I have written a book, Taqallab Dar Qanoon, on this subject. I have extensively made reference to traditions and the verses of the Quran to make my point. For example people take interest but do not call it interest. They give 10000 on loan on the condition that it will be returned along with another 1000 and the creditor will give 1kg sugar in return for the additional 1000. So, in their view no interest was taken or paid! This is definitely a misuse of the regulations. May Allah’ s p: 251 blessings be on one of the leading personalities of the Qum Seminary, Shaykh Abd al Karim Yazdi, who once related that a man was repentant after pronouncing the Talaq ( pronouncement of divorce) to his wife three times. Before the matter became public he came to the Shaykh and asked for a way out of the predicament. The man said that if they did the Halala for the woman, his family would lose their reputation in the society. Halala is the process of a divorced woman marrying another person, establishing conjugal relations with him, divorcing him to become eligible for marrying the first husband. The Shaykh says that one very pious looking person was sitting in the first row in the mosque. Thus he asked that man to marry the ex- wife, on the condition that he would have to divorce her in the morning so that she could marry her first husband. The man was also promised some money. The woman was married to that man. However the next morning the man refused to divorce her. The Shaykh said that we tried to persuade him but he would not agree. Ultimately the lady committed suicide but that man would not divorce her. One sentence that the Shaykh often repeated from the pulpit was“ , Certain men of justice are worse than Shimr” ! This man was just. He had not committed any sin. He expressed his unwillingness to divorce the woman. But he is worse than Shimr because he was misusing a rule. Unfortunately p: 252 this very danger of misusing rules and regulations is found more amongst pious people. A girl goes to school. Under the pretext of studying she tells her mother that she cannot do any housework for her. This is the misuse that the late Hajj Shaykhh had pointed out. This girl is just, her stand is legitimate as far as rules are concerned but she is worse than Shimr! Her attitude will harm the household one day or the other! Although you are a Mu' min, you are worse than Shimr because you are too harsh and stubborn in enforcing the regulations. This attitude might render your pious wife and daughter rebellious sometime in the future.
The Twenty- first Talk 1. Compatibility At Home Today we shall discuss about the atmosphere of harmony and togetherness at home. We should know that a hundred- percent harmony in any home is next to impossible. The husband and wife; the daughter and mother- in- law; the father and son cannot all be of the same nature! There will be marked differences between their natures and behaviour. Differences amongst the inhabitants of a home are, but natural. We cannot deny this, we have to accept this. We seem to be totally ignorant of the fact that a hundred percent compatibility is next to impossible. If there is a 100% ethical compatibility, it is indeed a great gift from Allah. However, if a husband and wife agree to the extent of, say, seventy- percent, the situation is very good. They should be thankful to Allah that they are p: 253 highly blessed! I can say with confidence that if they are fifty- percent compatible, then too, they are lucky! Similarly if the daughter- in- law and the mother- in- law; father and son; mother and daughter agree in all matters up to fifty- percent, they will be fine. If the agreement is around seventy- percent, then they must thank Allah that their family is blessed! But if the compatibility is around 50% to 70% what steps should we take so as to take care for the remaining differences? Two actions can remove the existing differences between the members of such families. I shall deal with the first in this talk and the other in the following session. One of the two actions is love! 2. Love The first thing that can obviate differences is love and affection. If love prevails between husband and wife; daughter and mother- in- law; and parents and children, then the thirty or fifty- percent difference of opinion that remains will not have any deleterious effect on their relationships. The rays of love will overwhelm these differences. Love makes people blind and deaf. One sentence of the Holy Prophet ( s) illustrates this point: If you like or love someone, then you will not notice the person’ s failings You will neither recount such a person’ s weaknesses nor will you like others to mention them in your presence. If perchance, someone relates to you the shortcomings of your loved one, howsoever true, you will make an effort to defend him. If someone looks at a person with love, he hides and overlooks all his p: 254 defects. Loving eyes are unable to see defects in the loved one. The same eyes very clearly perceive defects in the other persons. Even if one can see some defects in the loved one, he covers it up. The story of Laila and Majnu is oft quoted. It is said that Laila had cooked a broth. Everyone was going to her to fetch their share. Majnu too gave his pot to someone to fetch some for him. When Laila was told that the pot belonged to Majnu, she threw it on the ground that it shattered to pieces. Majnu’ s friend informed him that instead of sending some broth for him, Laila had broken his pot. Majnu recited the following couplet: Agar ba deegar anash bood maila Chira zarf mara shikaste Laila If Laila was inclined towards another Then why did she break my pot Majnu said that breaking of his pot by Laila was the evidence of her love for him. If this wasn’ t the case, then why didn’ t she shatter the pot of any other man! This shows that Majnu never, for a moment, thought that Laila could do anything wrong! Instead he covers up her wrong action. If a wife loves her husband, she will defend him if someone speaks ill of him. She cannot bear it when someone speaks ill of her husband. This is the same lady who does not hesitate to state the flaws she notices in friends or even her brother. But when it is the turn of her husband p: 255 she springs to his defence, because she is actually unable to see any flaws in him. I know many ladies who thank Allah when their husbands become angry with them – they say: this sternness on the part of my husband is proof of his love for me, otherwise why doesn’ t he behave in the same way with his sisters. It is because my husband loves me and wants to reform me that he is strict with me. One thing that we should remember is that while speech can create love, it can also extinguish love. Sometimes speech is like the beauty spot on the face which enhances the beauty of the person. Sometimes it is hard and burns – just like pepper. Sometimes a husband expressing his gratitude to his wife is like the beauty spot on the face that shines like the moon, and is invaluable for the woman. A husband’ s expression of gratitude creates a lot of love in the heart of his wife. On the other hand sternness and curt behaviour destroys love and is just like pepper burning the mouth. Sometimes uttering a small sentence can play a very big role in extinguishing love between the husband and wife. Islam has promised great rewards for the wife who obeys her husband, and treats him well. There is so much reward for her that even the jurists can expect just a little more. The Prophet of Islam ( s) used to say that any man or woman p: 256 who recognizes the rights of Amir al Mu’ minin, fulfils the obligatory ( wajibat, ) abstains from sins, or if he happens to sin, he repents without delay; and is married, then all the doors of the Heaven are open for them. Their station in the Heaven will be with the Prophets and the Infallible ones. The Holy Quran too says that certain people are with the Prophet ( s) and the Imams ( a. s) . رَفِیقًا أُوْلَئکَ حَسُنَ وَ الصَّلِحِینَ وَ الشهَُّدَاءِ وَ الصِّدِّیقِینَ وَ النَّبِیِّنَ مِّنَ عَلَیهِْم اللَّهُ أَنْعَمَ الَّذِینَ مَعَ فَأُوْلَئکَ الرَّسُولَ وَ اللَّهَ یُطِعِ مَن وَ Whoso obeyeth Allah and the Messenger, they are with those unto whom Allah hath shown favour, of the Prophets and the Saints and the Martyrs and the righteous. The best of company are they( . Sura an- Nisa’, 4: 69) A person who obeys Allah and the Prophet ( s) a hundred- percent will be grouped with the Prophets, their vicegerents, the martyrs and the righteous ones on the Day of Reckoning, and all the doors to Heaven will be open for him. He will be permitted to enter Heaven through the door of his choice. This is a great honour which will be bestowed on him. This honour can be acquired by maintaining a home with a cordial, pious atmosphere, filled with love and affection. We read in the traditions that when a woman gives a glass of water to her husband, Allah grants her a reward equivalent to that for a full year of worship! Obviously the reward is not for giving p: 257 the glass of water! Allah is giving this bounty to the woman because He wants her to be obedient and loving to her husband. Similarly when a man strives to provide comfort and sustenance to his family, it is as if he is fighting in the front lines of the battle against the infidels. Why is this man being given so much reward, while it is obvious that he actually has no right to it? He is being given this reward so that the atmosphere of the house remains good, so that there is love in that house. On the other hand the use of foul language can land a person in Hell. The Prophet of Islam ( s) says that if a woman displeases her husband, whether it is with a single harsh word, or an abusive tongue, or if a husband displeases his wife with harsh language or bad behaviour, they will be the first to enter Hell. Why is this attitude considered to be a big sin? The reason is that if love doesn’ t exist in the homes, life will go haywire, resulting in grave consequences. But if there is an atmosphere of love and peace at home, this home will be of immense benefit to the society. In the book, Wasail al Shia, several traditions on this subject are quoted. And we have also not been able to quote any of the traditions on this subject, narrated in the works of Allama Majlisi and other authors of p: 258 repute. The Prophet of Islam ( s) says that if a wife bears the ill treatment of her husband with patience and does not confront him, and if a husband bears the bad behaviour of his wife with patience, this wife and this husband will occupy a station in Heaven equal to that of Prophet Ayoob ( a. s) whose patience in calamities is well known. This status is not acquired as a matter of right, but it is earned with sincere effort to maintain love and amity in the family. We should exercise care that love is not snatched away from us because of our careless and hot- headed behaviour with members of our family. I appeal to you to give utmost attention to the language that is used at home. Sweet and considerate talk enhances love and amity, while harsh words destroy them.
3. Favoritism One of the major reasons for the lessening of love and good relations among family members is unfair preference given to some members of the family over others. This happens when one son or daughter is the favourite of the parents when there are two or more children in the family. Sometimes one son- in- law or daughter- in- law is favoured over the others. We find in certain families that while distributing their assets, they unfairly apportion more to the favourite son than to the other. In certain other families they totally deny any share to the daughter against all norms of fairness! Their argument, generally, is that the daughter has taken away p: 259 her dowry at the time of marriage and need not be given any more from their assets. This is not a good attitude. The Prophet ( s) said: May Allah have mercy on the parents who help their children to be virtuous. Then he ( s) added: May Allah’ s curse be on the parents who carelessly leave their children uncontrolled to go astray, so much so that they become Aaq ( disinherited). What makes the children misbehave with their parents? If the son observes that his mother is on the wrong, she treats his wife badly and picks on his wife for trivial matters, still he should not misbehave with his mother. If he misbehaves with his mother he will render himself Aaq. When the son becomes Aaq, he will neither get any benefit in this world nor in the Hereafter! When a son feels that his father favours his brother over him, when the daughter feels that her brother is being preferred to her, when daughter feels that her sisters husband is being favoured over her own husband they are hurt. Such sons and daughters might start hating their parents. Pity the daughter who hates her parents. She then starts backbiting about her parents. She has no right to do so. When she backbites about her parents she becomes Aaq, even if the parents are on the wrong. The youth must respect their parents. They should not misbehave or use harsh language while dealing with their parents. The Holy Quran uses very p: 260 strong words in this matter: کَرِیمًا قَوْلًا لَّهُمَا قُل وَ تَنهَْرْهُمَا لَا وَ ّ أُفٍ لهَُّمَا تَقُل فَلَا کِلَاهُمَا أَوْ أَحَدُهُمَا الْکِبرََ عِندَکَ یَبْلُغَنَّ إِمَّا إِحْسَنًا بِالْوَلِدَیْنِ وَ إِیَّاهُ إِلَّا تَعْبُدُواْ أَلَّا رَبُّکَ قَضیَ وَ Thy Lord hath decreed that ye worship none save Him, and ( that ye show) kindness to parents. If one of them or both of them attain to old age with thee, say not “ Fie” unto them nor repulse them, but speak unto them a gracious word( . Sura al-’ Isra’, 17: 23) The Holy Quran says that one should be good to his parents. Being good to parents has been kept on par with worshipping Allah. It further says that even when the parents grow old and feeble, and do some injustice to the children, they still have no right to fight with the parents. Beware, never use harsh language with them. Imam Jafar al- Sadiq ( a. s) . says that if the parents beat a child, he should say to them: May Allah have mercy on you. Arguing or fighting with parents is forbidden. If someone does this and the parents in their ire disown ( Aaq) him, then this person is destined for Hell. But the parents too will go to Hell. When a son or a daughter goes to the Hell on the Day of Reckoning, the parents too will be asked to join them in Hell. The children go to Hell because they became Aaq, the parents go to Hell because they created the circumstances that led their child to become Aaq. p: 261 They committed such acts that led their children to use harsh language or misbehave with them. When his mother misbehaves with his wife, the son retaliates and misbehaves with his mother. When the father is harsh with his son, the son fights with the father in turn, thus rendering himself disowned. The Prophet of Allah ( s) has said that accursed are the parents who let their children become Aaq. I appeal to the parents not to discriminate between their children. They should treat the sons and daughters equally. We see that sometimes an ignorant mother loves her daughter more than the son. Her behaviour even makes it very clear that she likes her daughter more. The first consequence of this attitude is that the love for the mother departs from the heart of the son. This is a major sin. Another sin is that the son starts hating his sister. Remember, if such feelings are created between siblings, it is very difficult to remove them. The more the siblings hate each other, the bigger their sin will be. The parents, too, are a party to the sin. A father once distributed his assets amongst his children. He gave everything to one child, and deprived the other. As soon as the parents died, differences sprang up between the siblings. This enmity extended to the next generation. Many such examples are before us. This act is tantamount to Qate Rahm ( breaking ties of kinship) which is a major sin. Who is at fault p: 262 in such situations? It is the parents who sow the seeds of dissent amongst their children with their favouritism. The Holy Quran has described the law of inheritance. The son has to be given one part and the daughter should receive half of what her brother gets. As far as daughters are concerned, they all receive equal inheritance. If someone gives more to one son than to the others, and gives more to one daughter than the others, then he has openly opposed Allah’ s Law of Inheritance. Therefore such acts are termed as Kufr or infidelity! If a mother loves her daughter very much, it’ s fine - but why does she belittle her son- in- law? If she wants her daughter to live in peace, she should treat her son- in- law with respect and attention when he visits her home! Why does she give more attention and respect to one son- in- law than the other? Why does the father compare one son to the other? Why does he tell one son that the other is better than him? This attitude is worse than killing someone. The spirit of the daughter who has been belittled gets killed. Control your speech. Be careful about your character. Be careful about these small things because these can result in grave consequences. When your sons- in- law visit you, respecting only one of them will be taken to mean that you are disrespecting the others. Sometimes the parents compare the intelligence and proficiency of two of their sons. The parent says: p: 263 your brother is so intelligent. He studies so hard. You are such a careless person. This upsets and discourages the son who is less intelligent and smart. It is seen that the parents give more dowry to some daughters than the others because their grooms are wealthier. They don’ t realise the grave mistake that they have made with this behaviour. Friends! This problem is not because of lack of wealth. This is the result of partiality and favouritism. The mothers should give equal love and affection to all their children. If the mother shows her love for her son’ s child, she should show the same affection for her daughter’ s child. If a child is prettier than others, he might become the favourite of everyone. In such situations care must be taken that the other less attractive children don’ t feel left out. We must ensure that no one gets preference over others at home. If there is favouritism in a home, its foundations become weak. But in the homes where love prevails, everything else becomes secondary. Then there won’ t be any differences between the daughter- in- law and mother- in- law, or between the husband and wife. In such homes you will not find fights or use of harsh language.
The Twenty Second Talk
1. Forgiveness And Forbearance The topic for discussion today is forbearance and overlooking faults. If the element of love is lacking in any household, forbearance and forgiveness can ameliorate the situation. Forgiveness is a divine word. When a person thinks of forgiving, he feels a radiance around him. p: 264 Forgiveness is such a sweet and divine word that it is equal to love. The Holy Quran speaks highly of forgiveness and overlooking shortcomings, and divides it into two categories. The first category of forgiveness is that when a person notices a fault or shortcoming, he forgives for the sake of Allah or humanity. الجَْهِلِین عَنِ أَعْرِضْ وَ بِالْعُرْفِ أْمُرْ وَ الْعَفْوَ خُذِ Keep to forgiveness, and enjoin kindness, and turn away from the ignorant( . Sura al-’ Araf, 7: 199) The Holy Book exhorts Muslims to adopt the habit of forgiveness and leniency. They should enjoin the inhabitants of their homes to be kind and merciful with others. Therefore, the first stage of this attitude is that when one notices a wrongdoing or fault in anyone, he forgives him. The second stage is higher than the one mentioned above. The Quran wants us to attain a status where we can see no wrong. A person at this stage perceives no fault in his wife or other members of the family, so there is no question of forgiving them. This is called ' forbearance and forgiveness'. The Holy Quran expects Muslims and human beings to cultivate the trait of forgiveness. If one notices a defect in anyone, he should forgive the person as if he is not aware of the fault! The Holy Quran asks Muslims: Don’ t you want Allah to forgive you on the day of Judgement? Allah pardons those who practice forgiveness and forbearance. He forgives them in this world itself. On the Day of p: 265 Judgement, Allah will not expose the faults of those who turn a blind eye to the faults of others. You must have heard that some persons will enter the Heaven without giving any account of their deeds. Their attitude of forbearance and forgiveness is the cause of their smooth entry into the Heaven. Some persons will have to account for their deeds, and then they will be forgiven so that they can enter Heaven. But some people will not give an account at all. Thus the Quran states that if you want to be pardoned on the day of Judgement, you too should pardon others in this world. At home, one should be a person who forgives and forgets others’ faults. If you do not want to be questioned about your deeds on the Day of Judgement, then don’ t rebuke anyone when you notice his faults and failings. The husband should forgive and forget the wife’ s mistakes; the wife should have the same attitude with her husband. In a poem said to be composed by Amir al Mu’ minin ( a. s, ) . he says that he forgave and pardoned a degraded person who had harmed him. In the closing verses of Sura Al- Furqan, 25, the Holy Quran describes the qualities of a mu’ min, and says that pious souls behave in such a way with the evil, ignorant and foolish persons as if they were totally unaware of their faults. When a man enters his house and finds it untidy, the children are not p: 266 clean, the wife has not bothered to freshen herself, because he is a good man, he overlooks these things. He forgives and turns a blind eye to these things. A husband ill- treats his wife, and behaves irresponsibly but she forgives him and turns a blind eye to his failures. She is patient and bears with him. It is these qualities that have been described at the end of Sura Al- Furqan, 25, but in different words. These verses should be taken to mean that Mu’ minin should practice forgiveness, and overlook shortcomings in others, in the same way they would overlook it if their one year old were to slap them in the face. According to the Quran, a mu' min should reach this stage. If he expects Allah to forgive him, and desires to enter Heaven without having to give an account for his deeds, he should have the qualities of forbearance and forgiveness in himself. The verse bears witness to the fact that one who doesn’ t forgive, and answers evil with evil, cannot expect Allah to forgive him on the day of Judgement. Thus the second stage is to forget the evil done to him. But the Quran does not stop here. It expects more, especially from the people associated with the pulpit and the prayer niche, and those who are proud to be Shias. This is the third stage of forbearance and forgiveness. The Holy Quran says: السَّیِّئَة بِالْحَسَنَةِ یَدْرَءُونَ وَ ْ ….. and they repel evil with good( ….. Sura al Qasas, p: 267 28: 54) This means that when someone wrongs you, you should do good to them. In fact this verse has been repeated in the Holy Quran at several places. When a person tries to harm you, do good to him. The Prophet of Islam ( s) has said that be ( particularly) good to a person who has been bad to you. In Sura Yusuf we have been exhorted to cultivate this trait. Sura Yusuf is a very interesting Sura. The Holy Quran calls it Ahsan al Qasas or the best of stories. This Sura presents us with a character, which if we adopt, we can become perfect. In Sura Yusuf several subjects have been dealt with. One of these concerns our talk. The Holy Quran says that Zuleikha pestered Yusuf ( a. s) . so much that he was forced into imprisonment, for several years. Even when he was released he refused to leave the prison and sent a message to the king asking why had the ladies cut their fingers when they saw him? Why had Zuleikha troubled him so much? Then a committee was constituted and the women were called to depose before it. These women bore witness to the innocence of Yusuf ( a. s). . Now Zuleikha too confessed that she was at fault and that Yusuf ( a. s) . was among the truthful. She admitted that Yusuf ( a. s) . was innocent and that she made false allegations against him. It was only then that Prophet Yusuf ( a. s) . came out of the prison. He said that he p: 268 had made the women confess their guilt only to prove his innocence. He said that he now wished to become the Aziz of Egypt and hold the reins of the government in his hands. This would not have been possible as long as he carried the stain of false accusations on his character. If it were not for this he would have overlooked the evil of Zuleikha and the heartache of having to spend ten years in prison. The Holy Quran says that Prophet Yusuf’ s brothers came and felt ashamed on recognizing their brother. When he found them humiliated, Prophet Yusuf ( a. s) . asked them to forget the past and reminded them that Allah was the most Merciful, He would forgive them. It is said that Yusuf ( a. s) . even served them dinner and took good care of them. This was despite their very bad treatment meted out to him. They had tried to harm the innocent child and pushed him into a deep well. When Prophet Yusuf ( a. s) . was rescued from the well, he was sold as a slave. Remembering their past ill treatment, the brothers could not eat their dinner. Hadhrat Yusuf ( a. s) . said“ , Don’ t feel ashamed! It is because of you that I have reached here. If you had not put me into the well, I too would have come from Kanaan to Egypt in search of a little quantity of wheat like you! Today that I am the Aziz of Egypt - it is only because of you” ! This p: 269 was one aspect of the attitude of Prophet Yusuf ( a. s) . with his brothers. The second aspect of the attitude of Yusuf ( a. s, ) . as narrated by the Holy Quran, was manifested when he went to receive his parents. He made his parents sit on a throne with due respect and showed great respect to his brothers as well. The Holy Quran says: ءَامِنِین اللَّهُ شَاءَ إِن مِصْرَ ادْخُلُواْ قَالَ وَ And he said“ , Come into Egypt safe, if Allah wills( ” ! Sura Yusuf, 12: 99) Prophet Yusuf ( a. s) . told his brothers that they had honoured him by coming to Egypt and that they were welcome to Egypt to live in peace and comfort. This was Yusuf ( a. s’ ) s second attitude towards his brothers. He overlooked their faults and rewarded their evil with good. The third attitude of Prophet Yusuf ( a. s) really manifests his greatness. The excellence of Yusuf ( a. s) . manifests from the moment when he made his father ascend the throne. Elaborate arrangements were made to receive his father along with the brothers. A tent was pitched and a throne was placed in it. A retinue went to receive the guests. When his father sat on the throne and relaxed, Hadhrat Yusuf ( a. s) . said“ , O my revered father! This is the outcome of the dream that I had once seen! See the status we have achieved! The enmity that Satan had created between me and my brothers has enabled me to acquire this status. Hadhrat Yusuf ( a. s) . wanted to tell his father not to become p: 270 angry with his brothers for pushing him into the well. It was not their fault; it was Satan who was to blame. It was Satan who had put his enmity in the hearts of his brothers. It was because of his brothers' doings that he acquired this position. This is the perfect man. Don’ t be under the impression that the Quran just wants to narrate a story. No, the Quran is telling the Muslims to emulate the character of Prophet Yusuf ( a. s). . You should not stop at forgiving and turning a blind eye to the faults of others. You should go a step further and return good for evil. At several places the Holy Quran uses words which can have more than one meaning. The commentators interpret it differently, while the scholars of ethics and the moralists give it another meaning. For example: مِّثْلُهَا سَیِّئَةٌ سَیِّئَةٍ ؤُاْ جَزَ وَ The guerdon of an ill- deed is an ill the like thereof( ….. . Sura al Shuuraa, 26: 40) The meaning that is generally attributed to this verse is that, for example, when a person cuts the hand of another, the judge orders a hand of the perpetrator cut. The other meaning is that if someone harms you, you harm him. That is: an eye for an eye. In my opinion the youth prefer the first meaning over the second. But I am sure you will like the third interpretation that I am giving here. This interpretation is drawn from the Sura al Qasas that p: 271 says “ if someone wrongs you, do good to him” ! The Prophet of Islam ( s) stayed in Makka for thirteen long years after the proclamation of Prophethood and bore immense hardships heaped on him by his enemies. This is the reason that in that period about forty to fifty persons accepted Islam. In 8A. H, the Prophet ( s, ) marched to Makka with a contingent of 12, 000 troops, and brought Makka under his control without spilling a drop of blood. The first thing that the Prophet did was to enter the Kaaba, purify it by asking Imam Ali ( a. s) . to demolish the 360 idols housed within the Kaaba. Then he came to the door of the Kaaba, which exists even today, and sat near it. The people assembled around him, and Dua- e- Wahdat was recited. Masjid al Haram was full of people. Who were these people? These were the people who used to stone the Prophet ( s). These were the people who had injured his forehead. These were the people who had fought nearly 74 small and big battles with the Prophet ( s) and his small band of devoted companions. While the Prophet ( s) was reciting the Dua- e- Wahdat, these people were shaking like leaves, because they were expecting the Prophet to order Imam Ali ( a. s) . to slay them any minute. When the prayer was over, the Prophet ( s) turned towards them and asked“ , Tell me! How should I deal with you” ? Abu Sufian, Hinda and their like spoke out“ , O Prophet of Allah! You p: 272 may punish us the way you wish to! You can kill us and cut us into pieces” ! At this juncture the Prophet ( s) said“ , Let the past remain in the past. I have forgiven all of you! May Allah forgive you too” ! When these people declared their faith, the Prophet accepted it although he knew that some people like Abu Sufian and Hinda were incapable of accepting the faith. The Prophet ( s) knew very well that they had not really accepted faith, they were only paying lip- service; still he accepted their proclamation. Even before entering Makkaa, the Prophet ( s) had gone to the extent of declaring Abu Sufian’ s house as the place of security: Anyone taking refuge in Abu Sufian' s house would not be touched. Abu Sufian wanted a position, he was a chief of Makka, and hence the Prophet ( s) gave him such a position. We read in history that when the Prophet ( s) entered Makka, one of his men went around the city, with a standard in his hand, shouting that this was the day of battle and that they had come to take revenge against the enemies! When the Prophet ( s) learnt about this, he was very angry and ordered Hadhrat Ali ( a. s) . to go and take away the standard from the hands of
the person and proclaim in the streets of Makka that today is the Day of Blessing, today is the Day of Kindness. This was the character of our Prophet ( s) and his Holy Descendants p: 273 ( a. s)! . The Holy Quran wants us to be forbearing. It says that if someone harms us, we should forget it, and strive to do good to him! The Prophet ( s) used to say that a good neighbour is not the one who is good to his neighbours – this is the duty of every Muslim. A good neighbour is one who bears with patience the ill treatment meted out to him by his neighbours! An elderly person was ill. When his neighbour came to visit him, he found the old man lying on a moist floor. Half the walls were also moist. The visitor found that the moisture was seeping into his neighbour’ s house from the wall adjoining his own house. The neighbour was much perturbed and told the old man“ , Why didn’ t you tell me. I could have made you comfortable and got rid of all this moisture seeping through your walls”. The old man said“ , I didn’ t inform you because it would have inconvenienced you” ! Islam requires people to have such an attitude towards others in their neighbourhoods! It expects the mother- in- law and the daughter- in- law to be more affectionate and loving than this, rather Islam expects “ Repelling evil with good” from them. Friends! Please remember that true happiness doesn’ t come from wearing good clothes and jewellery! Neither do these things dispel sadness, nor do these create eternal love! It is this verse which dispels sadness and creates happiness. Write this verse and hang it in the house where the husband, p: 274 the wife and the children can see it. Gradually, they will learn to forgive. Shame on the wife who is misbehaves with her husband because he got angry with her. It is also a matter of shame for the husband who fights with his wife because she misbehaved with him. In the view of the Quran a good wife and a good husband is one who follows “ Repelling evil with good” ! If someone treats them badly, they repay them with kindness and mercy. If a fight erupts between a husband and wife, they hasten to make peace. The Prophet of Islam ( s) told a woman, “ If ever there is a fight between you and your husband, it is your duty to make up with him” ! The woman said“ , Even if he is cruel? Even if he is at fault” ? The Prophet ( s) replied emphatically" , Yes! You must take the first initiative because you are a woman! A woman has to be the epitome of love for her husband! She should totally shun any ill feelings” ! In a nutshell, if there is seventy percent compatibility in our families, we can make it a hundred percent with the adoption of the attitude of forbearance and forgiveness! In the view of the Holy Quran the environment at home should be one " for attaining peace in it". May Allah make our homes the abodes of peace!
The Twenty- third Talk 1. Suspicion Today’ s discussion is about misunderstandings. Misunderstandings are like serious illnesses and play a major role in destroying p: 275 homes. There is nothing more lethal in rendering a home barren than the element of misunderstanding amongst its inhabitants. Families should therefore abstain from allowing misunderstandings to take roots in their midst. 2. Misunderstandings Crop Up Misunderstandings crop up because of waswasa ( repeated, unfounded doubts or fears). Sometimes Satan gains control of a person' s mind, rendering him worse than a hypocrite or a show- off. In other words he becomes Satan in the garb of a human being! Satan enslaves his thought- process, and the person does whatever Satan wants him to do Sometimes Satan is also able to dominate the hearts of certain people. According to the Quran, this person then becomes an idol worshipper. This means that his heart becomes a slave to his desires, rendering him a fasiq and fajir. According to the Quran, this person becomes a Satan worshipper, not a servant of Allah. We read in the Sura Yasin: مُّبِین عَدُوٌّ ْ لَکمُ إِنَّهُ الشَّیْطَنَ تَعْبُدُواْ لَّا أَن ءَادَمَ یَبَنیِ إِلَیْکُمْ أَعْهَدْ لَمْ أَ Did I not charge you, O ye sons of Adam, that ye worship not the devil - Lo! He is your open foe( ! Sura Yasin, 36: 60) O children of Adam, did you not promise Allah that you would not worship Satan? Then why are you worshipping Satan now? This verse shows us that a Satan worshipper is actually a person whose heart is enslaved by Satan. Satan eradicates the love of Allah from this person’ s heart, and corrupts his thoughts. This type of a person is a Satan worshipper. p: 276 When Satan is able to dominate over a person’ s power of thinking, it is known as waswasa ( repeated, unfounded doubts or fears, ) and this person is called waswasi. Waswasa is of two types: One of these is the waswasa of thought, which is the topic of today’ s discussion. Another type of waswasa is the waswasa of action. Sometimes even pious people are inflicted with waswasa of action. They experience waswasa in worship – regarding purity ( taharat) and impurity ( najasat, ) prayer, fasting etc. We shall talk about this later, inshaallah. Anyway, when Satan is able to control a person’ s power of thinking, he creates waswasa in his mind. The affected individual is then ruled by evil and wicked thoughts. If a person becomes inflicted with the waswasa of action, the individual comits lewd and wicked acts. Waswasa affects him at the time of action. Both these conditions are fraught with danger. In both these situations Satan overwhelms the thought- process of the persons. In the view of Imam Jafar al Sadiq, this condition is nothing short of madness. A man came to meet Imam Ja’ far al Sadiq ( a. s, ) . and started praising someone. He praised the man for being intelligent and then mentioned that the man was affected by waswasa. The Imam ( a. s) . smiled and said“ , This man is a slave of shaitan. If he is asked whether his deeds are godly or evil, he himself will tell you that his deeds are evil” . 3. Effects Of Waswasa: Negative Thoughts One of the harmful effects of waswasa of thought p: 277 is that the affected person always takes the negative view of things. Some people don’ t see anything positive about themselves or those around them. They take a negative and morose view of everything. They never think of the strengths they or those around them have, but are always complaining about their failings and weaknesses. These are the persons who are always pessimistic about themselves, their friends and the society at large. This is a very harmful condition and, in many people, it is a result of waswasa. Another harmful effect of always having negative thoughts is that the individual is unable to progress. He is unable to reach perfection. This attitude is also a big sin. Negative thoughts are like the flies which search for some filth to sit upon even in a garden in full bloom. If your body and the clothes are clean, flies will not sit on them. But if there is some dirt or a suppurating wound on the body, flies get attracted to it. Some men, too, are like the flies. They excel in carrying negative thoughts.. One should abstain from negative thoughts. The wives should think positively about their husbands. Similarly men should not allow the shortcomings of their wives to dominate their thoughts. Don’ t be on the look- out for her flaws; don’ t hanker after dirt like flies. Instead you should always be in search of flowers like a nightingale. You should search for her positive qualities. On the whole, a human being is p: 278 unfaithful. Even if you always treat your wife well, a single episode of misbehaviour is enough to make her forget your past good behaviour. Similarly, if a good wife misbehaves one day, her husband forgets all her past kindness. This shows that humans are not faithful. Even the Quran complains about this aspect of human nature: أَکْفَرَه ما الْإِنْسانُ قُتِلَ Perish man! How ungrateful is he( ?! Sura ' Abasa, 80: 17) 4. Grief Another symptom of waswasa of thought is that the person gets fed up with life and remains sad. If the person is pious, he wonders why he has come into this world. He thinks it would have been better if he had not come into the world. If this person is not religious and is not afraid of Allah, then he comits suicide. Such events are more widespread in the Western world. This is the result of waswasa of thought. The affected individual is always lost in thought, and when he is unable to come to a conclusion, he becomes fed- up with life and ends up committing suicide. A question asked, usually by the youth is: why have we come into this world? According to the psychologists, the source of this question is waswasa of thought. Such questions are asked by unhappy people, who are fed- up with life. They don’ t know the reason for their existence in the world. If you try to make them understand, their waswasa of thought does not allow them to be satisfied with your replies. If you p: 279 present them with proofs and arguments, they will still insist that it would have been better if they had not been born. I am unable to recollect the name of the author who wrote that one morning when he got up, he found the morning to be sad and gloomy. He was still pitying the day when he happened to glance at the newspaper. He read two news items which were completely opposite to each other. The first item was about a man who had slashed his stomach with a knife and had thrown out his intestines, saying that he wanted to be without his intestines for just a minute. He died after one minute. The other item in the newspaper was an article by a lady. She wrote that, by the Grace of Allah, as soon as she woke up in the morning, she found a pleasant day coming her way. She thanked Allah for giving her life and yet another opportunity to stand before Him. The author then began to think about the source of the lady’ s happiness, that man’ s suicide and his own grief and depression. He came to the conclusion that all the negative thoughts had their source in waswasa of thought. In other words, it can be said that tiredness, lack of understanding and waswasa of thought affect our lives. 5. Suspicion The worst effect of waswasa of thought is that the person becomes suspicious. First he is plagued with bad thoughts about his own family, and p: 280 then gradually this extends to the society. If this malady progresses further, he starts doubting Allah, the Holy Quran, the Prophet ( s) and his Progeny ( a. s). . These doubts ultimately turn him into an unbeliever. Suspicion is from shaitan. Shaitan makes a small beginning, but as soon as man gives him an oppurtunity, he takes man to the seventh level of Hell. He will not settle for anything less. In addition, shaitan even ridicules man and says“ , you have reached the depths of Hell yourself, what do I have to do with you" ? Suspicion, driven by waswasa of thought, starts on a low scale, but soon escalates to the extent that one even starts suspecting Allah and the Ma' soomeen ( the infallible ones) .
6. The Dangers Of Suspicion The biggest danger of suspicion is that it may lead one to sin. Because of waswasa of thought and suspicion, the affected person sees others as sinners and bad characters. He, then, wants to punish them. We come across many youth who are pleasant, and have even participated in the ( Iranian) revolution, but suspicion has turned them into sinners. They even accuse the scholars and pious people of disbelief ( kufr). Because this sin can attract the death penalty, they end up murdering innocent men of piety and religious scholars. Suspicion can lead man to commit such sins. Suspicion arises from waswasa of thought. Do not underestimate a sceptic. Sometimes, the sceptic becomes involved in a strange type of madness. For example, a man suspects his wife. This is a great p: 281 sin. Or, for example, when a man enters their path, the husband tells his wife“ , He is making passes at you” . This man talks like insane people. Sometimes the wife suspects her husband, although he has become so old, he is devoid of carnal desires. But the moment he steps into the house, she creates a hue and cry and accuses him of maintaining a second wife secretly. “ Where else could you have gone all this while” ? she asks him. There is a story making rounds in the society. A husband and his wife were sleeping on their terrace. As you may be aware, at night, a row of stars points to the Kaaba. The husband asked the wife,” What is the significance of this row of stars”. The wife replied“ , People say that it shows the way to the Kaaba. When hajjis loose their way, these stars guide them to the correct path” . As soon as the man heard this, he started beating his wife and said“ , Now I know why you make me sleep here. Your intention is to hand me over to the hajjis. After they kill me, you want to marry again”. This is probably just a story, but a man once told me about a couple. The husband was a victim of waswasa of thought, and the wife was a victim of waswasa of action. When the couple consulted this man, he turned to the lady who had waswasa of action regarding purity and impurity p: 282 ( taharat and najasat, ) and told her that your problem is suspicion. If you follow my advice continuously for six months, you can be cured. It was then that he became aware of the husband looking at his wife in a strange manner. He even refused to consult this man and left. After a few days the husband telephoned the man and said“ , I have understood what you were trying to tell my wife. You were trying to tell her to divorce me, marry you and stay with you for six months. Then you would cure her”. It is as if the husband was insane. There are many persons with such disorders. When husbands and wives doubt each other, they assume their spouse to be a thief. For example, the husband spends some money and forgets or it falls out of his pocket, while he was unaware of it. When he can’ t find the money, he pins the blame on his wife and considers her to be a thief. He considers her to be a thief, an adulteress, a shameless woman. Even the wife can suspect her husband of these things, if she becomes entangled in waswasa of thought. This is a major sin about which the Holy Quran says: مَسُْولا عَنْهُ کاَنَ أُوْلَئکَ ُّ کلُ الْفُؤَادَ وَ الْبَصَرَ وَ السَّمْعَ إِنَّ عِلْمٌ بِهِ لَکَ لَیْسَ مَا تَقْفُ لَا وَ ( O man, ) follow not that whereof thou hast no knowledge. Lo! The hearing and the sight and the heart--- of each of p: 283 these it will be asked( . Sura al-’ Isra’, 17: 36) O men! Do not talk about matters without knowledge. Don’ t assume things. Don’ t suspect others. Your eyes, your ears, and even your hearts will be questioned on the Day of Reckoning about these suspicions and these wrong thoughts! On that day, the organs of your body will bear witness against you. A husband suspects his wife but does not let her know, neither does he tell anybody, even then, when he will be brought to the grounds of Judgement, his heart will bear witness against him that he used to suspect his wife in the world. Islam has strictly forbidden doubting others. A good Muslim should act on his conviction and not on doubts. The Holy Quran says: بُورًا قَوْمَا کُنتُمْ وَ السَّوْءِ ظَنَّ ظَنَنتُمْ وَ ْ … And ye did think an evil thought, and ye were worthless folk( . Sura al Fath, 48: 12) A society where people doubt each other is on its way to destruction. Their lives in this world and the Hereafter will be bleak. These days this ailment is very prevalent. May the person die who, like the silkworm, weaves a cocoon of suspicion and conjecture so that he can hide within it. I appeal to my audience to remember and recite this verse whenever any doubts crosses their minds: الخَْرَّصُونَ قُتِلَ سَاهُون غَمْرَةٍ فیِ هُمْ الَّذِینَ Accursed be the conjecturers Who are careless in an abyss( ! Sura Zaariyaat, 51: 10 – 11) Like the silkworm, a person who remains trapped in the cocoon p: 284 of his doubts and wrong thoughts will suffocate to death. According to a tradition, the Prophet of Islam ( s) faced the Kaaba and said“ , O Kaaba! You are much respected! But respect for a believer ( mu’ min) exceeds the respect for you. Allah has declared only one thing haram with regard to you. But for the mu’ min He has declared three things haram: 1. He has declared killing an innocent human haram. 2. Usurping a mu’ min' s, property is haram. 3. Entertaining doubts about a mu’ min is haram” . The Prophet ( s) has placed murdering people, usurping others’ property, and suspecting people, on an equal level. If, God forbid, you suspect your wife and utter even one sentence about it to your innocent wife, she will never forget this sentence, even if she is always willing to forgive and forget. If the character of a woman of good character is suspected, not only will this destroy the love in her heart, but it will also sow the seeds of hate in it. It is said that the husband of a suspicious wife came home late. The wife opened the door and told him to go back to the place where he had spent his evening. Saying this she slammed the door shut in his face and went back into the house in a huff. The man went to a hotel, rented a room, and had his dinner. The next morning he rented a house and married a second wife. He returned home after about a week. He p: 285 told his first wife“ . My dear, I have reached the place you had sent me to. From today, one night is for you, one night is for her – that is if you want it this way, otherwise one night is for you and two nights are for her” . Yes! Men toil so hard that sometimes they develop calluses in the soles of their feet. Still they work to provide the comforts of life to their wife and children. Even after all this if the wives suspect their husbands, it goes to show that the suspicion is not a product of their intelligence, rather it is the work of someone else. لمَُشرِْکُون إِنَّکُمْ أَطَعْتُمُوهُمْ إِنْ وَ لِیُجَدِلُوکُمْ أَوْلِیَائهِمْ إِلیَ لَیُوحُونَ الشَّیَطِینَ إِنَّ وَ Lo! The devils do inspire their minions to dispute with you. But if ye obey them, ye will be in truth as idolaters( . Sura al An' am, 6: 122) When Satan whispers in the ear of a person, goading her to do wrong, an intelligent person should not cause the destruction of her house and loose the love of her husband by paying attention to such senseless talk. May Allah protect men and women from becoming suspicious of their spouses. Being suspicious of ones spouse is a very big sin. Usually, the woman does not suspect her husband of adultery; she accuses him of re- marrying on the sly. But if the husband suspects the wife of adultery and tells her so, the jurist can order a punishment of anything p: 286 between 29 and 79 floggings. Such suspicions are major sins and it is regarding this that the Quran says: May you die. Therefore it is imperative that there are no suspicions in the family. One should not be suspicious even while dealing with persons outside the house. Sometimes suspicion leads one to spy on others. Spying is such a major sin that the Prophet of Allah ( s) once said“ , O those people whose faith is limited to their tongues and has not reached their hearts, do not spy! Do not search for defects in others. If you spy on others, Allah will humiliate you. Even if you are very intelligent, suspecting others will lead you to spy on them. Inquisitiveness and curiosity can sometimes become the cause of wrongdoing. For example: a woman standing at her threshold finds an unfamiliar young man entering the door of the neighbour' s house. If she is a good Muslimah, she should assume that the young man must be their relation or visiting them for some errand. But if she spies on her neighbours and, God forbid, spreads it among the people, it will give rise to innumerable ills. Imam Husayn ( a. s) . has said slitting the throat of a person is a lesser sin than causing separation between a husband and wife. Some people pretend to be very religious and pious, and yet they perpetrate such acts. They run the gossip mill and cause the destruction of happy families. They ruin the respect and reputation of p: 287 families and cause divorces. These people want to do good but end up doing evil. The Prophet of Islam ( s) used to repeatedly say that one should always have a good opinion about his mu’ min brother, and always be his well- wisher. One should always try to hide the flaws of his mu’ min brother. Try all the possible ways to hide his shortcomings. If one method does not work, try the second. If it fails try a third, but don’ t give up. Tell yourself: what kind of a Muslim am I that I can’ t even hide the flaws of my brother- in- faith? Do we ever adopt this method? I appeal to those of you who can understand the message of the Holy Prophet and his infallible progeny to the pious people; your Prophet ( s) is telling you not to be curious. Gossip mongers flit around in search of stories about others. Many people are inflicted with this disease, whether they are businessmen, soldiers, or workers – this scourge is found in everybody and it is found especially in ladies. This is a sin which is not just equal to killing someone, it is equal to taking out all the blood vessels from his body. Then why should we indulge in this act? Inquisitiveness and gossip is a major ill, but there is a simple cure for this as well! This can be done by adopting the dictum of forgive and forget! Even if one notices a defect in his wife, he should p: 288 think positively about it. When he does this, he is literally slapping Shaitan, who then goes away. Imam Jafar al- Sadiq ( a. s) . says“ , Slap him on his impious face! When you slap him, when you refuse to heed to his whisperings, he will run away. If you give credence to his talk, then the accursed Satan will gradually overwhelm your thought- process and turn you insane The ailment is serious, but easily curable. The ailment will destroy your world and your Hereafter, but each one of us can easily cure himself. The cure lies in giving no importance to suspicion and gossip. شَیْئا الْحَقِّ مِنَ یُغْنی لا الظَّنَّ إِنَّ Indeed conjecture is no substitute for the truth ( Sura Yunus, 10: 36) The Quran says that suspicion is of no use. Those who are suspicious aren’ t following the Quran.
The Twentyfourth Talk
1. Waswasa Of Action We have categorised waswasa ( repeated, unfounded doubts and fears) into two kinds: waswasa of thought and waswasa of action. We have already dealt with the first category. Today we shall talk about waswasa of action. Sometimes people get excessive doubts about the tasks they are doing. For example: while doing wudhu ( ablution, ) performing the ritual bath ( Ghusl, ) performing the prayers etc. They get doubts whether they have performed these actions strictly in accordance to the set norms or not. Such doubts are very harmful for homes. A person who nurses repeated doubts about his own actions becomes an outcast from the society. He can no longer feel love for his home. Those in the audience p: 289 who have the tendency of doubting their own actions should give particular attention to this talk. We had mentioned earlier that when Satan is able to dominate the thoughts of a person, he becomes a treacherous hypocrite and is subject to many other ills. Sometimes Satan is able to control the heart of person, enslaving him. It is evident from many verses of the Holy Quran that sometimes man comes under the spell of Satan and at other times he bows to the will of Allah. When Satan overwhelms man, he becomes a puppet in the hands of Satan. Then man becomes an idol worshipper, a money worshipper and a slave of his desires. Every action of such a person, the Holy Quran says, reflects his worship of Satan. When Satan overwhelms the thinking process of a man, he creates waswasa of thought and action in him. This places man in a very dangerous situation. He considers fantasies and falsehood to be facts and believes in them. For example: a timid person, under the spell of Satan, imagines seeing jinn when he passes through an isolated place. He imagines that someone is ordering him to run away. When he begins to run, he imagines that a dead man is chasing him in order to catch him. This fear renders him unconscious. In reality, neither was there a jinn, nor was a dead man chasing him, nor did he hear anything. It was his imagination which had affected his hearing and sight. p: 290 Similarly a person who constantly doubts about ritual purity immediately believes that some drops of najasat ( impure substances) must have fallen on his clothes, rendering them impure. In reality, no najasat has touched his clothes. He finds it difficult to believe that things are tahir ( pure, ) but readily believes them to be impure ( najis). Satan has overpowered his power of imagination; hence he readily believes in those things which are harmful to him. Such people should consider themselves ill, otherwise they would also readily believe in the purity of things. If one cannot believe in the taharat ( purity) of things, he should equally not be able to believe that they are impure ( najis). Readily believing that things are najis, and being unable to believe them to be pure indicates that this person is psychologically ill. Psychological illnesses progress very rapidly, and arise because Shaitan is able to dominate their power of thought. Let us now examine the source of this illness. A man, once, came to Imam Jafar al- Sadiq ( a. s) . and began to praise someone saying“ ,, He is very intelligent, but has a little suspicious nature” The Imam ( a. s, ) . smiled and said“ , What sort of an intelligent person is he, if he is suspicious. Then he added“ , Satan has overwhelmed him. His actions are Satanic and not Godly” ! The Imam ( a. s) . further added“ , If you ask the person if his acts are Godly or Satanic, he will himself tell you that they are Satanic" . We should seriously give thought p: 291 to the fact that Satan is bent on harming us in this world and the Hereafter! He plans to send everyone to Hell through his stratagems. He lands some people in Hell through adopting prohibited professions, some go to Hell because of fornication, some in their greed for power, some through nursing doubts, accusing others falsely and because of jealousy. Ultimately man becomes the loser in this world and the Hereafter! One incident is very famous. Someone saw Satan in a dream carrying long ropes on his shoulder. He asked Satan“ , What are these? ” Satan replied“ , These are some nets I have prepared to catch the people. I drag them to the Hell ensnared in these nets” . Satan also had a chain in his hands. The man asked him the purpose of the chain. Satan replied“ , The chain is for Sayed Razi! I had been to Sayed Razi this night and tied him up thrice with this chain. But he cut away the chain every time“ . The man then asked Satan“ , Why are you carrying ropes of different colours” ? He replied“ , I tempt different men with different colours and in different ways” ! The man called on Sayed Razi next morning and narrated to him the dream. He learnt that the dream was true. Kulaini has narrated that Satan once went to Prophet Musa ( a. s) . attired in colourful dress Prophet Musa ( a. s) . asked him why he had worn the colourful dress and Satan replied“ , I don’ t tempt my victims in p: 292 one way. I tackle every person differently to lead him to the Hell. Regarding people of suspicious natures, I create doubts in their minds about cleanliness, correctness of the ablutions performed by them and correctness of the prayers offered by them. As for a person who is careless in matters of Faith I tempt him to become more so! I tempt women to indulge in gossip and backbiting. I tempt some people to indulge in bribery and theft. In a nutshell, I tempt people in different ways to make them earn Hell in the Hereafter” ! There are several verses in the Holy Quran that talk about Satan resolving to tempt and misguide men. He said to Allah that he would make men misguided and helpless. الْمُسْتَقِیمَ صرَِطَکَ لهَُمْ لَأَقْعُدَنَّ أَغْوَیْتَنیِ فَبِمَا قَالَ شَکِرِین أَکْثَرَهُمْ تجَِدُ لَا وَ شَمَائلِهِمْ عَن وَ أَیْمَنهِِمْ عَنْ وَ خَلْفِهِمْ مِنْ وَ أَیْدِیهِمْ ِ بَینْ مِّن لاََتِیَنَّهُم ثُمَّ He said: Now, because Thou hast sent me astray, verily I shall lurk in ambush for them on the Right Path. Then I shall come upon them from before them and from behind them and from their right hands and from their left hands, and Thou wilt not find most of them beholden ( unto Thee( ). Sura A' raaf, 7: 16- 17) Satan says that when he himself had gone astray because of Adam ( a. s, ) . he will definitely tempt and misguide the progeny of Adam. He says that he will create hurdles in the way of their achieving salvation and thus lead them to Hell. He p: 293 says that he will attack men from all directions – from the front, from the back, from the left, and from in right; he has vowed to surround man from all directions. Explaining this verse, Imam Muhammad Baqir ( a. s) . said that when Satan says that he will come upon men from before them, it means that he will present to them a vague and poor picture of the Hereafter. When Satan says that he will come from behind them, it means that he will make men involved in collecting wealth and make them tardy in discharging the obligations of faith. When Satan says that he will come from the right, it means that he will present to them evil in the form of good and thus create doubts in their minds. When he says that he would attack them from their left, it means that he will involve men with luxury and make passions rule over their hearts. Satan misguides careless women through abandoning the hijab or observing incomplete hijab, but he does not approach the pious through this route. Instead he sends them to Hell by creating doubts in their minds. I fervently appeal to persons who carry doubts in their minds to recite these verses every morning and evening to protect themselves from the machinations of Satan, and imagine Satan standing in front of Allah and saying that he will misguide different people in different ways. He will lead the pious into Hell through the path of taharat ( purity, ) p: 294 najasat ( impurity, ) wudhu ( ablution, ) ghusl ( bath, ) and worship. Another verse of the Quran also means nearly the same thing, in which Satan has vowed that: مَّفْرُوضًا نَصِیبًا عِبَادِکَ مِنْ لَأَتخَِّذَنَّ قَالَ وَ اللَّهِ خَلْقَ فَلَیُغَیرُِّنَّ لاََمُرَنهَُّمْ وَ الْأَنْعَمِ ءَاذَانَ فَلَیُبَتِّکُنَّ لاََمُرَنَّهُمْ وَ لَأُمَنِّیَنَّهُمْ وَ لَأُضِلَّنَّهُمْ وَ ….. Surely I will take of Thy bondmen an appointed portion. And surely I will lead them astray, and surely I will arouse desires in them, and surely I will command them and they will change Allah’ s creation( . Sura an- Nisa’, 4: 118- 119) At the very beginning Satan told Allah that he would tempt certain special people and certainly misguide them. He said that he will give them false hopes and teach them to disfigure the ears of animals for the sake of idols and in accordance with his instructions change the face of Allah’ s creation. He also said that he would derive maximum advantage from Allah’ s creatures and in the bargain tempt and misguide them. He would get them involved in acquiring wealth and fulfilling desires. Satan said that he will bring men to such a pass that they will loose their inborn instinct of good, and thereafter they would never be able to recognise Allah. Once this happens, such people will never be able to realise that one must be humble before Allah. They will never be able to realise that felicity can be earned. If someone totally submits to Satan and makes Satan his protector, he will be in great loss. O' people of doubting nature, Quran p: 295 says that you are clearly in loss. A third verse which we quote here is also similar to the first two verses. When Satan was thrown out, he said that he would misguide everybody. Allah said: : غُرُورًا إِلَّا الشَّیْطَنُ یَعِدُهُمُ مَا وَ عِدْهُمْ وَ الْأَوْلَدِ وَ الْأَمْوَلِ فیِ شَارِکْهُمْ وَ رَجِلِکَ وَ بخَِیْلِکَ عَلَیهِْم أَجْلِبْ وَ بِصَوْتِکَ مِنهُْم اسْتَطَعْتَ مَنِ اسْتَفْزِزْ وَ And excite any of them whom thou canst with thy voice, and rally against them your cavalry and infantry, and be a partner in their wealth and children, and promise them. Satan promiseth them only to deceive( . Sura al-’ Isra’, 17: 64) Satan misguides people with his voice. What is this voice? It is all kinds of songs and music. Satan maintains two armies. One of these armies is made up of foot soldiers. They trap the people who do not have much knowledge and are unwise. Such will be sent to Hell because they act on the basis of the doubts in their minds. Another of his armies comprises of horsemen. An example of this is the centres of learning set up by the west to misguide people. Sometime illegitimate riches make a person deserving of Hell. Such a man feeds his children on this ill- gotten money. If a child is conceived, even this child turns out to be bad. We understand from this verse that Satan gives unlawful money to some people, thus corrupting their progeny. He misguides some by inciting them to take bribes; he incites some to charge p: 296 interest. He misguides some by using his voice. Thus he does not use the same stratagem with everyone. Satan assigns a separate satan to deal with every individual. Common individuals are assigned common satans, but he assigns shrewd and knowledgeable satans for the scholars and the wise people. May Allah bless Shaykh Ghulam Reza Yazdi. He says that one erudite person used to say that: every person has a satan with him, but my satan is one who guides the other satans. He proved his point from the Holy Quran that says: رَجِلِک وَ بخَِیْلِکَ عَلَیهِْم أَجْلِبْ وَ َ … And rally against them your cavalry and infantry( …. Sura al-’ Isra’, 17: 64) Suratul Falaq and Naas are important to ward off the Satan. You must make your children memorise the four Quls. Whenever the children, or others, stir out of their homes they should recite these verses to shield themselves against Satan, jinn and wicked people. In Sura Falaq and Naas, a point deserves our special attention and it especially deserves the attention of those who doubt. In Sura al Falaq, Allah’ s protection is sought from four things: الرَّحِیمِ الرَّحْمَنِ اللَّهِ بِسْمِ الْفَلَق ِ بِرَبّ أَعُوذُ قُلْ O Allah! I seek your protection from the wickedness Of people ( Sura Al- Falaq, 113: 1) Definitely one has to seek protection from the wickedness of the strong enemies.
وَقَب إِذَا غَاسِقٍ شَرِّ مِن وَ From the evil of the darkness when it is intense( . Sura Al- Falaq, 113: 2) The times when the evil practices of sexual promiscuity prevail, may Allah keep us protected! النَّفَّثَتِ شَرِّ مِن وَ p: 297 الْعُقَد فیِ And from the evil of malignant witch- craft( , Sura Al- Falaq, 113: 4) We seek Allah’ s protection in times when women exhibit their feminine charms. For example, a person is walking on the street and a woman is walking in front of him. Or when a person is busy in his work, a woman comes and starts displaying her feminine charms to him. This verse says that the person should seek Allah’ s protection from the evil of such episodes and in such situations. حَسَد إِذَا حَاسِدٍ شَرِّ مِن وَ And from the evil of the envier when he envieth ( Sura Al- Falaq, 113: 5) People must seek protection of Allah against the envy of the adversaries. These are four very important things for which protection is sought in this Sura. But in Sura al Naas protection is sought thrice. النَّاسِ ِ بِرَبّ أَعُوذُ قُلْ Say: I seek refuge in the Lord of mankind. النَّاسِ مَلِکِ The King of mankind النَّاسِ إِلَهِ The God of mankind ( Sura Al- Naas, 114: 1- 3) Here King of mankind and God of mankind have a qualitative aspect, but actually the supplicant is seeking the refuge in his Lord. From what is he seeking refuge? الخَْنَّاس الْوَسْوَاسِ شَرِّ مِن From the evil of the sneaking whisperer( , Sura Al- Naas, 114: 4) He seeks protection from the evil of Satan who creates waswasa ( repeated, unfounded doubts and suspicions, ) and particularly from the evil of the Satan who creates waswasa with istidlal ( proof). Khannas is a Satan who is an expert at creating waswasa in men. He knows how to involve the scholars and the p: 298 careful people in waswasa. He knows the method of involving ordinary men and women in waswasa. Khannas and waswasa are both superlative degrees. Thus, khannas creates a very high degree of doubt and suspicion, and backs them up with ( unsound) evidences. People who doubt are also just like this. They usually have very peculiar notions about their affairs. They get such ideas in their minds that even their Marjae Taqleed doesn’ t get these ideas at the time of giving an edict ( fatwa). They should not think that these are realistic arguments. The Holy Quran says about such doubting persons that they get inspired from Satan. Satan inspires and teaches them to speak contrary to what is told to them. If someone says that a thing is pure, Satan inspires them to insist that it is impure, and even presents proof of it being impure! When a knowledgeable person says that the way he performed the ablution and the ghusl ( bath of purification) is correct, he challenges the opinion! Sura an Naas says: O Lord, I seek refuge in you from the khannas. I request my audience to regularly recite the four Quls to ward away waswaas and khannas before they create any problems for them. Do not allow the Satan to dominate you. As soon as Satan tries to mislead you, start reciting these Suras. One should recite this Sura, and think of the meanings of its words. The meanings are: I seek Your protection, seek Your protection, seek Your protection p: 299 from the Waswaas and Khannas who create doubts and embellish these doubts with arguments. They plan to, thus, push me into Hell” ! The summary of discussion today is that a psychologically ill person, in the view of Islam, is one whose thought- processes have been overwhelmed by Satan. According to the verses of the Quran a doubting person is one who has befriended Satan. His end will be loss in this world and the Hereafter! This loss will certainly be a total loss! We have understood that Satan takes every person to Hell through a different route. He will take the Revolutionaries on one route, the enemies of the Revolution on another! The men of piety he handles in one way and the men of the bazaar in another. He has his own methods for a careless woman and a very different method for the pious woman who is attached to Allah, the Prophet ( s) and the Infallibles! Satan knows very well how to handle a woman who is miles away from prayer and fasting! The doubting persons are Satan’ s easy targets. They are in a very dangerous situation. Some psychologists are of opinion that this disease is incurable. I don’ t remember the name, but one highly qualified psychologist once called on me. He had heard from people that I have been curing those inflicted with the disease of waswasa. He was much surprised. If the psychologists consider this situation beyond cure, it goes to show how dangerous this condition is. But I p: 300 have cured many people of this disease. How have I done it? The treatment is very simple. Imam Jafar al- Sadiq ( a. s) . has said that when Satan tries to involve people in waswasa, they should not give any importance to Satan’ s inspirations. When you do not pay any attention to him for some months, when you disregard his arguments and evidences, Satan will leave you alone. For example, the doubting wife should accept everything her husband says. The doubting husband should accept everything that his wife says. If one is involved in waswasa regarding wudhu, ghusl, salah etc, he should observe how others do wudhu, ghusl, or recite salah and copy them. But this condition cannot be treated in a couple of months; one has to work at it for atleast five to six months. If a person suffering from this ailment doesn’ t follow the regime suggested by me, then his ailment will become worse day by day. Ultimately it will destroy his world and his home. It will make him depressed. This person will become useless for the society. He would end up creating hell on earth, for himself and for his family. He should also remember that Hell is ready for him in the Hereafter too! If you follow my advice, you will be able to get rid of this condition in six months, and you will be able to uproot it altogether. I would like to make a point in conclusion. Those who don’ t have doubting natures should p: 301 give ear to what I am saying. If your wife is of a doubting nature, she cannot be corrected by shouting, beating or bad- mouthing her. She is ill, and ill persons should not be handled with sternness. Similarly if a husband, son or daughter is of a doubting disposition, they cannot be corrected by shouting or beating them. If you do this they will become more stubborn. These people are ill. They should be handled with politeness and patience. Slowly, they will all be able to overcome the ailment. You have to look after these people, and bear the necessary expenses. Request the persons with doubting natures to follow the regime suggested by me. Those who are not of doubting natures should not talk sternly or bad- mouth others who suffer from this ailment. They should maintain a friendly and helpful attitude with such persons, just like they would with any other ill person. O Allah! For the sake of Fatima Zahra ( a. s) . cure all the diseased persons, and specially those who suffer from waswasa of thoughts and waswasa of actions. Al hamdu lillahi Rabil aalameen was salatu was salam ala Mohammad wa Alihit tahereen! p: 302
- 19/07/30