Islamic family-life ethics chapter1

Islam Family-life Ethics

chapter1

BOOK ID Author ( s): Ayatullah Husayn Mazaheri 

Publisher ( s): World Islamic Network ( WIN) Category: Family Topic Tags: Islam Family Ethics

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This book is a presentation of 24 illuminating talks given by Ayatullah Hussein Madhahiri to highlight the concept of the home and family in Islam; a concept that is based on faith and love.

Translator’ s Note

 “ Mid pleasures and palaces though we may roam, Be it ever so humble, there is no place like home” John Howard Payne,’ Home Sweet Home This book is a presentation of 24 illuminating talks given by Ayatullah Hussein Madhahiri to highlight the concept of the home and family in Islam; a concept that is based on faith and love. For eligible girls and boys this will be invaluable information before they embark on matrimony and make a home of their own. Islam lays great stress on the importance of the family institution. Today, when we look at the Western society, it gives us a fair idea about the Need of a close- knit family as required in the Islamic society. In the Western society old parents are forced to spend their twilight years in homes for the aged. Perhaps they get all the physical comforts in these homes, but they badly miss the love and affection of their near and dear ones. Here I would like to mention the experience of a friend of mine and his wife who stayed as paying guests with an old American couple in a small university town for a couple of years. This young couple p: 1 gave a lot of love and affection to the old landlord and his wife. When they were returning home after completing their studies, the old man said with tearful eyes“ , Son! With you we really enjoyed true filial love and affection. Our own sons and daughters come to us only for the family get- togethers during the holiday season and seldom bother about us the rest of the year! Now that you are going, we shall badly miss you” ! The foundation for the family and home in the Islamic society that is laid with the marriage of a young couple is the most beloved in the eyes of Allah and flourishes with the passage of time. The publication of this compendium of the erudite lectures of the learned Ayatullah shall be a guide, Inshallah, for the young individuals who are on the threshold of embarking on married life. Our sincere good wishes and blessings for all such young persons!

The First Talk 1. Compatibility Between Faith and Nature With the strength given by Allah and the blessings of the Immaculate ones, I am beginning my talks in this Holy Month of Ramadan. As you know, the subject of discussion during these talks will be Islamic family morals and values. I pray to Allah, through the Intercession of Hadhrat Fatima Zahra ( a. s, ) . to render this series of talks beneficial for the audience. The first talk presented today is the preface, which is to be followed with relevant discussions in the subsequent sessions. From the study of the Holy Quran we learn that p: 2 Islam is the faith of nature. This means that there is absolute compatibility between faith and nature. Allah says in the Holy Book: الْقَیِّم الدِّینُ ذَلِکَ اللَّهِ لِخَلْقِ تَبْدِیلَ لَا عَلَیهَْا النَّاسَ فَطَرَ الَّتیِ اللَّهِ فِطْرَتَ حَنِیفًا لِلدِّینِ وَجْهَکَ فَأَقِمْ So set thy purpose for religion as a man by nature upright— the nature of Allah, in which He hath created man. There is no altering the laws of Allah’ s creation. That is the right religion. ( Sura ar-- Rum, 30: 30). This means that Islam is the faith that wants its followers to tread the middle- path and that it is in accordance with nature and shall be there for all times. There is balance in Islam, neither shortage nor excess. This is also the reason that the Prophet of Islam ( s) is the last of all the prophets sent to the world by Allah. There shall be no change in the fundamentals of faith in the future. Today’ s discussion will mainly focus on ‘ nature’. Nature is commonly taken to mean creation. I invite rapt attention of my learned and knowledgeable audience. As all of us know, our knowledge is of two types. One is the knowledge acquired through instruction and the other is that which is acquired through instinct. An example of the first type of knowledge is a lecture given by a teacher to the pupils in a class. Another example is the talk that I am giving to you now that you are listening to, with rapt attention! This type of knowledge is related p: 3 to, and directly proportional to, the wisdom or intelligence of the subject. The second type of knowledge is related to the instinct of the person. This type of knowledge is not acquired or learnt, but is present in people. This knowledge is not related to the intelligence of a person but it is related to his instinct. For example: a person feels hungry and the hunger is satiated once he takes his food. To know that one is hungry or thirsty is also knowledge but this type of knowledge cannot be acquired through learning, it is present in people and has been placed in man by Allah. Man feels hunger, thirst, cold, heat etc. through his instinct. When he drinks water, his thirst is quenched. Instinct is also of two types. One type of instinct is common to all animals, and is perhaps stronger in animals. The examples I have given are examples of this type of instinct. Instinct works without any intervention on the part of the person. With regard to instinct, when man exercises his discretion, it is called nature. Nature needs to be supported by knowledge and requires man to pay attention and exercise his discretion. 2. The Nature of knowing or understanding Allah A human being possesses innumerable instincts. One of these is the instinct of recognizing Allah or God. This means that man always makes an effort to find God. Instinctively a person recognizes Allah. If the curtains are raised and man gets rid of his baser traits, he will find Allah just as a p: 4 thirsty person finds water to quench his thirst. This faculty of recognizing Allah has nothing to do with education and training. It is instinctive and results only from intuition. Every one of us has, at some time or other, experienced obstructions in our lives. There are occasions when we find ourselves totally helpless. On the face of it, there appears to be no place for us to turn. This is the time when, like a thirsty person, we find Allah. In the Holy Quran, in more than twenty verses, clear mention is made about this. For example: یُشْرِکُون هُمْ إِذَا الْبرَِّ إِلیَ نجََّئهُمْ فَلَمَّا الدِّینَ لَهُ مخُْلِصِینَ اللَّهَ دَعَوُاْ الْفُلْکِ فیِ رَکِبُواْ فَإِذَا And when they board the ships they pray to Allah, making their faith pure for Him only, but when He bringeth them safe to land, behold! They ascribe partners ( unto Him( ). Sura ‘ Ankabut 29: 65). When a person is on the high seas and his boat capsizes due to the ferocious waves, and he finds himself cut off from all sides, this is when according to the Holy Quran, he recognizes Allah. He now pleads with Allah for succor. In this condition he calls the one and only Creator, Allah, and forgets his many gods. The calamity makes the person a monotheist, because all his attention is focused on one God. This is the crucial moment when a person finds Allah! At this moment the man believes in the Lord who is All- hearing and All- seeing, he believes in the Lord who p: 5 is Beneficent and Omnipotent. The man discovers the ‘ absolute truth’ in these adverse circumstances. When a person finds himself confronted with calamities from all sides and says“ , O Allah! You are able to do everything, deliver me. You know my predicament! You are kind to me! You are Most Merciful! You are Bountiful” ! Thus when the person is in dire circumstances, he recognizes the one who is perfect, and in doing so he comprehends the unity of Allah and, as mentioned in the Holy Quran, calls to Allah only! A hundred and twenty four thousand prophets came to this world, with the sole purpose of keeping alive this human instinct of recognizing Allah. This is the natural instinct that gets revived in the hearts of men in times of need. The prophets came to keep this instinct alive, to make man reach that stage where he will always search for Allah. The purpose of the prophets, the pulpit, the prayer niche ( mahrab) and worship is to ensure that man always remembers Allah. In Surah Taha, Allah illustrates this point thus: لِذِکْرِی الصَّلَوةَ أَقِمِ وَ فَاعْبُدْنیِ أَنَا إِلَّا إِلَهَ لَا اللَّهُ أَنَا إِنَّنیِ Lo! I, only I, am Allah. There is no god save Me. So serve Me and establish prayer for my Remembrance( . Sura Taha 20: 14). How will you understand that there is only one god? To understand this, you will have to pray to Him. This is because performing the prayers ( salah) is communicating with Allah. According to the ayah, the pulpit and p: 6 the prayer niche are for the sole purpose of attaining nearness to Allah and to understand His Omnipotence. A hundred and twenty four thousand prophets came to this world with their messages. Their aim was to ensure that man recognised Allah and didn' t forget Him! Man has to be as restless in search of Allah just as a thirsty person searches for water! O man, you too should always thirst for your Lord. If people strive to see through the eyes of their hearts, they will always have communion with Allah! They will attain a status that is highlighted in the Holy Quran as follows: الله ذِکْرِ عَن بَیْعٌ لَا وَ تجَِرَةٌ تُلْهِیهِمْ لَّا رِجَالٌ Man whom neither merchandise nor sale beguileth from remembrance of Allah( … Sura An- Nur 24: 37) If man becomes Allah’ s true servant, then no impediment can ever hamper him. If we cannot see Allah with the eyes of our hearts then, as the Holy Quran says, there is a curtain pulled over our eyes! If a person becomes a truly dedicated creature of Allah, then he will not experience any impediments in his path. If we cannot witness Allah through the eyes of our hearts then, the Holy Quran says, there is a curtain that is in front of us. If one doesn’ t search for Allah in the way a thirsty man searches for water, if Allah doesn’ t reign supreme over his heart, then know that some curtain is drawn over the eyes of the heart. If these curtains are raised, p: 7 the person will find Allah, because finding Allah is embedded in human nature. When man finds Allah, he finds that he is insignificant, he is nothing and humbles himself in front of his Lord.

3. Prayer is Instinctive Prayer is also instinctive. Fasting during this Holy month of Ramadhan is in accordance to mans’ nature, because when man recognizes his Lord, he wants to get closer to Him. In the Holy Month of Ramadan, fasting brings man closer to Allah. We notice that some people draw a lot of pleasure fasting in this felicitous month. Imam Sajjad ( a. s) used to express extreme happiness at the commencement of the month of fasting. As the month drew to a close, he used to cry. A person who has recognized his Lord, and has removed the curtains from his heart gets so much pleasure from offering prayers, that nothing else can compare with it. He enjoys it so much that according to Imam Jafar al- Sadiq ( a. s): . “ Offering two genuflections ( rakaat) of prayer in the night is more dear and superior to me than all the good in this world”— . Wasail Shia, Vol 5, Page 286 Imam Jafar al- Sadiq says that if someone offered him all the riches of the world for not offering the two rakaat of the Night Prayer ( Salatul Layl, ) he would refuse to accept it! The reason for this rejection is that the Imam ( a. s) . is aware of Allah. He has attained proximity to Allah and is aware that absolute humility before the Creator is achieved with p: 8 salah. Being charitable is not difficult for him because it gives him pleasure. When a person reaches this stage, he sacrifices not only his worldly belongings but also his own life and dear ones in the way of Allah. The Holy Quran has observed in this regard: یَعْمَلُون کاَنُواْ بِمَا جَزَاءَ ٍ أَعْینُ قُرَّةِ مِّن لهَُم أُخْفِیَ مَّا نَفْسٌ تَعْلَمُ فَلَا (*) یُنفِقُونَ رَزَقْنَهُمْ مِمَّا وَ طَمَعًا وَ خَوْفًا رَبهَُّمْ یَدْعُونَ الْمَضَاجِعِ عَنِ جُنُوبُهُمْ تَتَجَافیَ Who forsake their beds to cry unto their Lord in fear and hope, and spend of what we have bestowed on them. No soul knoweth what is kept hid for them of joy, as a reward for what they used to do( . Sura Al Sajdah 32: 16, 17) The Holy Book says that there are some people who have recognized Allah and have drawn aside the veils of the heart. These are the people who leave their beds in the darkness of the night and stand for salahul layl, and spend out of whatever Allah has given them.. The delight one experiences by reciting salahul layl and being charitable can be understood only by those who have reached this stage. When a person recognizes Allah, salah and sawm ( fasting) come naturally to him. Deriving joy from salah and fasting become natural for him. He not only pays khums and zakat, but is willing to sacrifice everything in the way of Allah. Sacrificing himself and his children comes naturally to him. He does not need to be told to fulfill p: 9 his obligations. On the contrary, fulfilling his obligations is a routine thing for him. If a person is able to recognize Allah the way He should be recognized, then he strives to offer salah, fast and pay khums or zakat. Now he will wish to circumambulate the Kaaba. He has his sights on performing the Sai ( the obligatory rounds) between the hillocks of Safa and Marwah. He wishes to do everything that pleases Allah, whom he has recognized! It is He who is ruling over his heart. Nothing else will find a niche in his heart when one has achieved this level of dedication. All the mandatory and optional worship become instinctive for him. He recognizes Allah with his heart’ s eyes as one instinctively recognizes hunger and thirst. Some people can perceive, instinctively, all perfections in Allah, and thus love Him. These individuals have such profuse love for Allah that, in sheer impudence, when Ibn Ziyad confronted Sayyida Zainab in his court saying“ , Have you not seen how Allah has treated you” ! she stood up and said“ , Do you not perceive? Are you blind? In Kerbala, I saw nothing except good from Allah. I have sacrificed my brother for the sake of Allah, whom I have recognized” . When an individual finds Allah, then Jihad, Amr- bil- Maroof ( enjoining righteousness) and Nahi- an- il- munkar ( forbidding evil, ) befriending Allah’ s friends and shunning His enemies becomes instinctive for him. If a human being wishes to remain a human being, it is necessary for him to fast. Fasting p: 10 brings one closer to Allah. If a person desires to become complete he has to get close to Allah. Then all other obligations like khums, zakat etc. will become his instinctive practice. In a nutshell all Islamic practices become instinctive for the Mu’ min. If we wish to attain this stage, we should purge all the curtains from our hearts, recognize Allah and strengthen our beliefs. One should not allow his beliefs to weaken. If anyone in this gathering finds salah to be a burden, he is ill. Sometimes people are hungry, but they don’ t know that they are hungry because they are ill. He is not interested in food, even though he has not eaten for two days. Because of his illness, the instinct for hunger has been suppressed. The person who listens to these lectures in this Holy Month of Ramadan, but is not motivated to give charity, is sick too. He is like a person who has not eaten for a couple of days and still has no inclination to eat. He has reached a stage where heavy curtains have veiled his heart; these are the curtains of being engrossed in the world, of bad traits, of repeatedly sinning. He has reached a stage where salah, which has been described as the food for the soul, gives him no joy. He cannot even correctly fast, an act which connects one with Allah and is a source of delight for the perfect man. Once, during the time of the p: 11 Holy Prophet ( s, ) a lamb was slaughtered and its meat distributed. The Prophet enquired whether anything was remaining. Someone told him “ Only the neck is left, everything else has been distributed for the sake of Allah”. The Prophet said “ No, you should say that everything else is there, only the neck has been wasted, because the neck has not yet been given” . Being charitable, doing tawaf ( circumambulating) of the Ka’ ba, being friends with the friends of Allah and being the enemy of His enemies are things which don’ t require to be proven. You must have proof and evidences for your beliefs. There are many people who can explain the philosophy of Mulla Sadra well, but does this mean that worship comes naturally to them? These things don’ t require education. Some illiterate people are better than philosophers because they have cleansed their hearts. They have been successful in illuminating their dark hearts because of their love for Allah. Because they perform the obligatory and recommended worships, and especially because they avoid sin, their hearts are enlightened by Allah. Their example is like that of iron in fire. When iron is put into fire it becomes so red that it cannot be distinguished from the fire. What is required is to avoid sin and purify oneself.

4. Importance of Prayer لِذِکْرِی الصَّلَوةَ أَقِمِ وَ فَاعْبُدْنیِ أَنَا إِلَّا إِلَهَ لَا اللَّهُ أَنَا إِنَّنیِ Lo! I, only I, am Allah. There is no god save Me. So serve Me and establish worship for My remembrance( . Sura Taha 20: 14) In this p: 12 verse, Allah points the way to His creatures for achieving His remembrance through prayer. If man wishes to see Allah, he should do it through the vision of the heart. Similarly he can hear Allah through the medium of his heart! The way to achieve both these faculties is through sincere prayer. Man should establish a strong rapport and link with his Lord. This is done through establishing prayer - that is Iqamat as Salah - this is what brings man closer to Allah quickly. The mandatory prayers must be offered at the earliest, during the scheduled time for each prayer. I also fervently appeal to this knowledgeable gathering that in the ongoing month of Ramadan they should offer the optional Night Prayers ( Salaat al- Layl). In this Holy month, prayer should be the source of communion with our Creator, Allah! Lucky is the person who establishes communication with Allah during this blessed month. It will be like conversing with Allah. How can one converse with Allah?! It is possible through recitation of the Holy Quran! Imam Jafar al- Sadiq ( a. s) . says: O servant of Allah! When you recite the Quran and reach where it says ‘ ya ayyuhal ladheena aamanu,’ you should say ‘ labbayk, labbayk[ ’ that means ‘ Yes, O Lord! Yes, O Lord’] ! There are lots of people who, when they hear ‘ ya ayyuhal ladheena…’ they hear only through their mortal ears and not the ears of their hearts. One who hears the word of Allah through the ears of his heart; verily he p: 13 can say ‘ labbayk’ ! What is the purpose of dua? Dua is to establish close rapport with Allah, it is conversing with Allah! While offering prayer you, particularly I mean the youth, should not let your thoughts wander - whether you have had sufficient food or not, whether the prayer will be answered or not! The prayer should be offered with utmost sincerity, wanting Allah to say‘ , labbayk, labbayk’ ! The Holy Quran, in many a place says“ , call out to Allah and he will answer you” . One meaning of this statement is that if you call Allah, your prayer will be answered. But the fact is that Allah answers the prayers according to the abilities of the supplicant. If the supplicant has asked for something harmful, Allah gives him better than what he has asked for‘ ! Ud- ooni astajib lakum- ’ O My creature! Continue conversing with Me! Prayer is definitely the best way of conversing with Allah. In the salah, reciting the Surahs is Allah talking to the supplicant. In the other parts of the salah the supplicant talks with his Lord. The greatest pleasure in this is for the lover of Allah. The persons whose hearts are ruled by Allah derive the maximum pleasure from their prayers! 5. The Prayer of Hadhrat Fatima Zahra ( a. s) . This discussion has prolonged. I therefore wish to conclude it now. But I am confident that it will turn out to be better than what I originally visualized. Lady Fatima Zahra ( a. s) . was young. We all know that youth is the period when people p: 14 need more sleep. The youth sleep for longer hours than older people. Once, when Hadhrat Fatima Zahra ( a. s) . was tired after the hard toil of the daily chores, the Prophet ( s) entered her house and found her asleep. She was asleep, but was holding her baby in one arm, while her other hand was on the grinding wheel. Hearing the sound of his steps, she awoke from her slumber. The Prophet ( s) said“ , Dearest daughter! Bear the bitterness of this world for the Blessings of the Hereafter” ! Fatima Zahra ( a. s) was tired, she had small children to tend to, she had no servant to help her in the daily household chores. But when Fizza came to help in the work, the Prophet ( s) visited Hadhrat Fatima Zahra ( a. s) . and suggested to her to share the responsibilities of the daily chores with the new servant! He told her that Fizza too is a human being like her and by sharing the work they could lessen each others burden. He suggested that she should perform the chores herself on one day and the next day Fizza should do the tasks! Fatima Zahra ( a. s) . performs the household tasks that are very tiring, similarly she attends to the needs of the husband which is also a difficult task. In the subsequent talks we shall discuss how Hadhrat Fatima Zahra ( a. s) . performed these tasks so well. But, during the nights, which is the best time for prayers, where is sleep for her?! There is no p: 15 sign of fatigue. She stands up in prayer so much that her feet swell. It is mentioned about two great personalities who used to stand so much in prayer that their feet were always swollen. One was the Prophet of Allah ( s. a) . and the other his daughter, Hadhrat Fatima Zahra ( a. s). . She used to wake up in the nights and stand in prayer till the dawn. Her supplications always used to be for the benefit of others. Imam Hasan ( a. s,) says“ , She used to stand in prayer from night until morning! During her supplication she would pray for her neighbors and Muslims in general. Once I suggested to her that it would be nice if she prayed for us as well! She replied‘ , First for the neighbors and then for the members of the family’” !

The Second Talk

1. Islam and Human Inclinations Islam ordains that we should fulfill our natural instincts and inclinations. It is mentioned in many traditions that human beings have no right to suppress their natural instincts and emotions under false notions of morality. The Quran says that just as a person should be concerned about his hereafter, he should also be concerned about his worldly life. He should also be concerned about his natural inclinations and emotions. الْمُفْسِدِین یحُِبُّ لَا اللَّهَ إِنَّ الْأَرْضِ فیِ الْفَسَادَ تَبْغِ لَا وَ إِلَیْکَ اللَّهُ أَحْسَنَ کَمَا أَحْسِن وَ الدُّنْیَا مِنَ نَصِیبَکَ تَنسَ لَا وَ الاَْخِرَةَ الدَّارَ اللَّهُ ءَاتَئکَ فِیمَا ابْتَغِ وَ And seek the abode of the hereafter in that which Allah hath given thee and neglect p: 16 not thy portion of the world, and be thou kind even as Allah hath been kind to thee, and seek not corruption in the earth; Lo! Allah loveth not corrupters( . Sura al Qasas 28: 77) This means that you should utilize whatever wealth and status Allah has bestowed on you to prepare for your hereafter. But remember that you should not ignore your worldly needs in the process. You should strike a balance between the two and not lean overly to one side. Getting totally absorbed with worldly matters only is not desirable. Similarly, dedicating one’ s wealth, health, youth and wisdom only for the hereafter too is not required of a person. During the time of the Prophet ( s) and his vicegerents, some people had adopted a misguided way. They wrongly thought that a person has to think only of the hereafter all the time and that the world should be shunned. They believed that they should abstain from the natural and legitimate instincts. But when the Prophet ( s) and the Imams ( a. s) . learnt of this erroneous view, they opposed it strongly. The author of Wasail quotes one tradition thus: Three women approached the Prophet ( s) one day. One of them said“ , O Prophet! My husband has shunned the company of his wife” . The second said“ , My husband has stopped eating meat” ! The third said“ , My husband has stopped using perfume” ! Hearing the women, the Prophet ( s) was upset. He saw that misguided ideas were beginning to take root amongst his followers. p: 17 Although it was not the time for any mandatory prayer, he proceeded to the mosque. He went in such a great hurry that even his cloak was not properly placed on his shoulder and one end of it was touching the ground. He ordered the people to assemble in the mosque. People rushed there leaving aside their tasks. The Prophet ( s) ascended the pulpit and said,” I have heard that my companions are getting wrong ideas” . He added“ , I am Allah’ s Messenger, I eat meat and delicious food! I wear good clothes! I wear perfumes and keep the company of my wives and have conjugal relations with them! Whosoever opposes my ways is not my follower” ! The Prophet ( s) has repeated this sentence on several occasions‘ : One who does not adopt my ways is not a Muslim’. There is another anecdote similar to this one, quoted by Faydh Kashani in al- Saafi. This proves the point that the need was very much felt to repeat this important instruction. Once when a verse pertaining to the retribution for sinners in the hereafter was revealed, some believers got very scared and started abstaining from worldly necessities and pleasures. Faydh records that once a woman came to Bibi Ayesha for some errand. Although the woman was married, she was devoid of the normal embellishments married women generally wear. Hadhrat Ayesha asked her“ , Has your husband expired” ? She replied in the negative and said that he had left home and retired to the wilderness with p: 18 two of his friends for prayer and penance in loneliness. She also said that he had vowed to have no conjugal relations with her. One of her husbands’ friends’ had vowed not to eat good food. The third friend had vowed not to keep social contact with others. Bibi Ayesha related this conversation to the Holy Prophet ( s). The Prophet ( s) was very upset with the actions of the three men. This tradition, too, quotes that the Prophet hurried to the mosque in such a state that his cloak was not properly draped over his shoulder. Although it was not yet time for salah, he went to the mosque. He asked people to assemble in the mosque and addressed them from the pulpit“ . I have heard that misguided ideas are taking root in the minds of the Muslims. I have heard that some Muslims have retired to the hills and caves to busy themselves in prayers. They do not maintain relations with their wives, they do not eat good food and abstain from meeting people socially. I, your Prophet, do eat good food and keep affectionate relations with my spouses! Faman raghiba an sunnati falaisa minni One who abandons my ways is not from me! Every person who obstructs the growth of progeny, who avoids marrying and spends all his time in prayer is not a Muslim” . This was the way of the Holy Prophet as well as that of the Infallible Imams. It is recorded in history that when p: 19 Amir al Mu’ minin ( a. s) . entered the Mosque of Kufa for the first time, he found some persons busy offering prayers although it was not yet the time for mandatory prayers. When he enquired about them, he was told that they were ‘ Rijal al Haq- ’ the People of the Truth! The Imam ( a. s) . asked“ , Who are these Rijal al Haq” ? The reply was“ , These are the persons who have forsaken the world. They eat, if they get some food to eat. Otherwise they starve and keep praying in the mosque” ! Hadhrat Ali ( a. s) . was angry at hearing this. As recorded by Asad al Ghaba, he flogged those people and said“ , Don’ t set wrong examples for the Muslims! Your practice is un- Islamic” ! Then he added in anger“ , Even dogs live like you. If someone takes pity on them and gives some food, they eat. Otherwise, they keep starving” . Then Hadhrat Ali ( a. s) had them thrown out from the mosque. At the time when Hadhrat Ali ( a. s) . had assumed the temporal Caliphate, he visited Basra. He visited the house of one of the elite persons of the city and objected to the pomp and show on display there. In order to evade Hadhrat Ali ( a. s’ ) . s question, the person changed the subject and said“ , O Amir al Mu’ minin ( a. s)! . I have a brother who lives like a hermit. He avoids all company and has forsaken the world. He sits in one place praying all the while” ! Imam ( a. s) left the opulent person alone because p: 20 now a more important issue had occupied his attention. He sent for the brother and asked“ , Why have you forsaken the world” ? The person replied“ , O Ali! I see you and I want to be like you” ! Imam Ali ( a. s) . said“ , No! You cannot be like me! I am the chief of the Muslims and the chief must adopt the standard of living of the most downtrodden of the Muslims! For you, the correct way is to adopt the middle path. You should not forsake the world. You must toil to earn a fair livelihood. You must adopt a progressive way of life so that you live contentedly with your wife and children” ! In the twelfth chapter of the book Wasail al Shia, there are many traditions of the Imams ( a. s) . that condemn procrastination and laziness and exhort Muslims to engage in hard work. One person came to Imam Jafar al- Sadiq ( a. s) . and said“ , O Hadhrat! I have grown very old and have no work. I sit in a corner of the mosque and keep remembering the hereafter! I keep praying” ! The person had assumed that the Imam ( a. s) . would appreciate and praise his actions. On the contrary, three times the Imam ( a. s) . said“ , Hadha min amal ash Shaitan- ” This is not an act of a human being! This is not the way of a Muslim! This is the way of Satan. Satan has succeeded in his stratagem that is why you have forsaken the world and busied yourself p: 21 only in prayer! The man asked“ , O son of the Prophet ( s)! Then what should I do” ? The Imam ( a. s) . replied“ , As long as you have strength in your body and limbs, continue to do work that can benefit you and your family! If you don’ t have sufficient work, then help your neighbors and relatives” . Then the Imam added“ , Yes! But you must ensure that you don’ t sacrifice your hereafter for worldly gains! As soon as the time for a mandatory prayer arrives, leave all else and offer the prayer! Pray when it is time for prayer, and work when it is time for work” ! I would like to say some words about Amir al Mu’ minin ( a. s, ) . and I want the young boys and girls to keep in their minds what I am saying. The biographers of Hadhrat Amir al Mu’ minin have recorded that he was a lion by day and a supplicant ( Abid) at the night. At the time of prayer his dedication would be complete and while at work he would toil so hard that innumerable oases for the benefit of the society are credited to him during the twenty- five years of his working life. He always helped the poor, weak and disabled persons. We should remember that shunning the company of others and suppressing legitimate desires is not allowed in Islam. Islam permits its followers to have legitimate desires and to strive for their fulfillment. Experience shows and even the psychologists will tell you that people who live in p: 22 isolation, people who shun the world, the youth who can marry but do not, over a period of time their desires descend to the subconscious and these people fall prey to psychological diseases. Once a person is under this psychological pressure he becomes worse than a dog if he were to get any power or authority. If he does not have any power or authority he becomes disheartened, and presents a very morose and gloomy appearance. Such people are unable to socially interact with others. The society shuns them. They may not be economically depressed but are psychologically incapable of taking on the responsibilities of a family. Such men become a source of trouble for themselves and their wives and such ladies remain depressed and it is to be borne in mind that depressed people cannot raise children effectively. The people who are unable to shoulder the responsibilities of married life, those whose hearts have hardened because of committing sin after sin, fit the following description given by the Holy Quran: یَعْقِلُون لَا الَّذِینَ الْبُکْمُ الصُّمُّ اللَّهِ عِندَ ِ الدَّوَابّ شَرَّ إِنَّ Lo! The worst of beasts in Allah’ s sight are the deaf, the dumb, who have no sense( . Sura al- Anfal 8: 22). Those who have brains but do not think are worse than beasts. They are worse than dogs and the impure ( najis) animals. Some people stifle their sexual instinct, while others stifle their natural religious inclination. Both these type of people invite grief and disappointment. The Holy Quran says about such a person that p: 23 he possesses eyes but he cannot see, he has ears but he cannot hear, he owns a heart but is unable to understand. Such a person is like a wild animal or even worse than that. He paves the way to Hell for himself. الْغَفِلُون هُمُ أُوْلَئکَ أَضَلُّ هُمْ بَلْ کاَلْأَنْعَمِ أُوْلَئکَ بهَِا یَسْمَعُونَ لَّا ءَاذَانٌ لهَُمْ وَ بهَِا یُبْصِرُونَ لَّا ٌ أَعْینُ لهَُمْ وَ بهَِا یَفْقَهُونَ لَّا قُلُوبٌ لهَُمْ الْانسِ وَ ِ الجِْنّ مِّنَ کَثِیرًا لِجَهَنَّمَ ذَرَأْنَا لَقَدْ وَ Already have we urged unto Hell many of the jinn and humankind, having hearts wherewith they understand not, and having eyes wherewith they see not, and having ears wherewith they hear not. These are as the cattle— nay, but they are worse! These are the neglectful( . Sura al-’ Araf 7: 179). This means that a group prepares itself for hell. Their hereafter is Hell. These are the people whose religious instinct has been stifled. Their naturally endowed instinct of searching for God has become extinct. Curbing the religious instinct, of course, is a sin. Suppressing ones sexual instinct, depriving oneself of food, isolating oneself from the society etc. are things which can reach the subconscious level. When this happens it becomes a barrier to perfection. Then it is very difficult to get that person back on track.

2. Life Under Islamic Purview Islam categorizes human life into three distinct types: 1. Basic life 2. Comfortable life 3. Luxurious life Basic Life The basic life is one in which a person is self sufficient in terms of food, clothing and shelter. If a person provides these basic requirements for p: 24 himself and his family, he becomes deserving of rewards from Allah. Later on we shall see that a man who strives hard to provide livelihood for his family and a woman who toils hard at the home to provide comfort to the family deserve a reward equivalent to performing Jihad in the way of Allah. The person who strives to provide for his family is like the Mujahid who performs Jihad in the way of Allah. Wasail Shia- Vol 12, Page 43 If a person is capable of working for his own upkeep, it is obligatory ( wajib) for him to work and not be a burden to others. If a person has the strength to work and provide livelihood to his wife and children but is lazy and neglects his duty, it is prohibited ( haram) for him to be lazy and neglectful. The rights of a wife are among the important rights that have been mentioned in Islam. Therefore, if a person is able bodied to earn the essentials of life, then it is crucial and obligatory to acquire these with his own toil. But if a person is disabled, sick or infirm, then it is the responsibility of the Islamic government to provide for his needs. If the Islamic government is unable to do so, then all Muslims are obliged to help all those in need of help. There is a verse of the Holy Quran which, in the Holy month of Ramadan everyone, particularly the ladies, must bear p: 25 in mind. The verse reads: ءَاتَئهَا مَا إِلَّا نَفْسًا اللَّهُ یُکلَِّفُ لَا اللَّهُ ءَاتَئهُ مِمَّا فَلْیُنفِقْ رِزْقُهُ عَلَیْهِ قُدِرَ مَن وَ سَعَتِهِ مِّن سَعَةٍ ذُو لِیُنفِقْ Let him who has abundance, spend of his abundance, and he whose provision is measured, let him spend of that which Allah hath given him. Allah asketh naught of any soul save that which He hath given it( . Sura al Talaaq 65: 07). Quran says that it is essential for every human being that he must take care of his needs and the needs of others within his means. This would mean that if a person has the means of maintaining ten persons, or twenty persons, he should look after them. But if a person cannot maintain ten people, he should be charitable according to his means. He should reduce a morsel from his own iftar and help others with it. Similarly he should give one of his dresses to clothe a needy person. If we ponder upon this verse, we realize that all of us have the means to be charitable. The Prophet of Islam ( s) gave a sermon on the last Friday of the month of Shaban and reminded the people that everyone should be concerned about others. They should arrange food for the breaking of the Ramadan fasts. This instruction is especially for those who have the means to do so. One of the listeners of the sermon got up and asked the Prophet ( s“ ): O Prophet of Allah! What should be done by those p: 26 who don’ t have the means to serve food for the breaking of the fasts” ? The Prophet ( s) said“ , Feed others even if it is just with a single dry date or a sip of water” ! This tradition should not be taken literally to mean that one should offer a single date for iftar and keep count of the number of dates he has given, and when this number reaches a thousand the person thinks that he has given a thousand iftaris. It means that one should serve his fellow men according to ones means. The person who has the means to help others should do so and the person who cannot help others should do whatever he can. Has Allah provided you with iftar? Yes? Then share this iftar with others to the best of your ability. Self- sacrifice is an altogether different topic that is not a part of our discussion today. Today we are discussing that acquiring the essentials of life is mandatory for everyone according to Islam. It is incorrect for a person to be so immersed in worship that he does not acquire the essentials of life. It is also incorrect that a certain section of the society eats and drinks while the poor have to suffer the pangs of hunger. Comfortable Life Islam appreciates comfortable life for the people. During the time of the Prophet ( s) some people started indulging in a wrong practice. They began to avoid the consumption of good food. It was then that the p: 27 following verse of the Holy Quran was revealed: الرِّزْق مِنَ الطَّیِّبَتِ وَ لِعِبَادِهِ أَخْرَجَ الَّتیِ اللَّهِ زِینَةَ حَرَّمَ مَنْ قُلْ Say: who hath forbidden the adornment of Allah which He hath brought forth for his bondsmen, and the good things of His providing( ? Sura al-’ Araf 7: 32) O Muslims! Whatever Allah has provided in this world is for you so that your life is pleasant and comfortable! Then, why do you deny good food to yourselves? Why don’ t you marry? Why do you choose not to have children? Allah says that whatever is there in the world is for you. If the unbelievers eat it is also because of you. Actually, it has been created for you. Heaven has also been created for you, but regarding Heaven, the unbelievers will not even be able to smell its fragrance. This verse shows us that Islam desires a comfortable life for everyone, for all mankind. Those who can provide a pleasant life for their families must do so! Those who can contribute to the comfort of the society and their relatives must do so. Islam permits man to live a comfortable existence in the world.. Islam has a very effective economic system. It is a pity that while there is plenty of water in the cistern, we, the Muslims, remain thirsty! Islam has a wonderful law called the ‘ Qanoone Mawasaat’ or the law of mutual cooperation. Under this law the Muslims are required to cooperate and help each other. But we have forgotten this law. p: 28 Many a time the Prophet ( s) used to express his regret from the pulpit that his Umma would ignore the Law of Mawasaat after him. All Muslims must lead comfortable lives. One who deprives himself of a comfortable life, on purpose, is committing a forbidden act according to the Holy Quran. Shunning comforts of life is tantamount to being stubborn. Man should avoid being stubborn and mould his life according to the norms laid down by the Holy Quran. He should not be a slave to his own whims and fancies. He must refer to the examples set by the Prophet ( s) and the Imams ( a. s) . as his role models for life. We see that the widows dress in black for the rest of their lives. Quran says that this is a wrong attitude. Such a thing has not been prescribed by the Quran; people have made it up themselves. Some widows refuse to consider marriage. If someone mentions that she should have a husband, she becomes upset. The Quran says that it is wrong for her to become upset. This is a type of stubbornness, and is against the teachings of the Quran and the infallible Imams. We see eligible young men avoiding matrimony, inspite of being able to marry. We see that a young girl rejects the proposals that are made to her saying that there is no hurry. Have they asked their sexual instinct whether there is any hurry or not? Ask those hormones that circulate in p: 29 your blood whether there should be hurry or delay. Ask the Holy Prophet whether you should marry or delay marriage, in your present condition. The Prophet of Islam ( s) has said, “ Marriage is my Sunnat and one who avoids my sunnat is not from me” . The girl who prefers to remain a spinster and the young widow who refuses remarriage and the man who remains a bachelor are, according to the Islamic Shariah, not ( good) Muslims. Here I would like to say a word of advice to the young men and women that you should not impose your desires and your thoughts on Islam. Instead you must find out what Islam prescribes, you should find out what the Holy Prophet and the Infallible Imams have said, you should find out what your Marja and those who know about Islam say. Acting in matters of Islamic Shariah according to your own inclinations is a grave sin. If someone perpetrates innovations in the matters of Islam, all muslims and especially the erudite scholars are required to raise their voices against such acts. A tradition says that if wrong thoughts or wrong beliefs begin to circulate in the ummat, it is necessary for the erudite scholars to protest. If they do not do so, Allah’ s curse will be on them. Luxurious Life A life of luxury and lavishness is not desirable in Islam. Islam condemns such life when its practitioners adopt it. Islam condemns becoming a slave to fashion, heavy use of products of beautification, expensively decorated p: 30 homes and wearing of designer and expensive dresses. Islam does not want people to have big desires. Do not desire for more and more. When you have a wife, you should not desire another wife. Spend enough to live in comfort. Quran condemns the expensive way of life in strong terms: تَدْمِیرًا فَدَمَّرْنَهَا الْقَوْلُ عَلَیهَْا فَحَقَّ فِیهَا فَفَسَقُواْ مُترَْفِیهَا أَمَرْنَا قَرْیَةً نهُّْلِکَ أَن أَرَدْنَا إِذَا وَ And when We would want to destroy a township We sent commandments to its folk who live at ease, and afterwards they commit abomination therein, and so the word ( of doom) hath effect for it, and We annihilate it with complete annihilation( . Sura al-’ Isra’ 17: 16) The Holy Quran says that if a community indulges in a life of luxury, then it will certainly get destroyed. This type of life encourages them to indulge in forbidden acts. The above verse pertains to the way of life of communities. But we are now quoting verses from Sura al Waqiah that deal with the way of life of individuals: مُترَْفِین ذَلِکَ قَبْلَ کاَنُواْ ُمْ إِنهَ کَرِیمٍ لَا وَ بَارِدٍ لَّا یحَْمُوم مِّن ّ ظِلٍ وَ حَمِیم وَ سمَُومٍ فیِ الشِّمَال أَصحَْبُ مَا الشِّمَالِ أَصحَْبُ وَ And those on the left hand: What of those on the left hand? In scorching wind and scalding water And shadow of black smoke, Neither cool nor refreshing, Lo! Heretofore they were effete with luxury( . Sura al Waqiah, 56: 41- 45) The Holy Quran says that the people on the left are very ashamed. Who are these people? They are the p: 31 ones who are facing retribution of the Hellfire. They are those who indulged in sin after sin! Then Quran asks: Why do people indulge in sin after sin? It is extravagance, and indulging in luxury that drag a person towards sin. This is the reason that the Holy Quran has ordained: تُسرِْفُواْ لَا وَ اشرَْبُواْ وَ کُلُواْ َ Eat and drink but don’ t waste ( ( Sura al-’ Araf 7: 31)

The Third Talk 1 Biological Scientists on Matrimony The main topic of our discussion during this session is domestic morals. In this direction whatever we have dealt with in the previous talks was a sort of preface, although rather inadequate! Today’ s talk is on the importance of matrimony in light of the findings of the biological scientists. When the hormones associated with the sexual instinct are released in the body, they bring about a peculiar revolution in the body and soul of a person, whether a girl or a boy. The resulting changes are so obvious that it manifests itself in the appearance of the person. Islam terms this changed condition as the age of buloogh. According to Islam, buloogh is that stage when the hormones associated with the sexual instinct are released and become strong in a person. In other words, the person experiences a strange transition. When these hormones are released, the person automatically experiences an attraction that is called sexual attraction. Prior to this the sexual instinct was dormant, but now it begins to manifest itself. As soon as this happens, the young person must be handled very p: 32 carefully. I have previously said that if these manifestations are not handled thoughtfully, the results could be serious. We should also bear in mind that the sexual urge is not like the urge for eating and drinking. Sexual urge is also not like the desire to amass wealth, acquire property and other similar human desires. If Freud’ s theory has to be accepted, then all the desires have their root in the sexual desire. His theory seems incorrect. But romance, poetry and other related instincts can be connected to the sexual instinct in a person. You very seldom hear that someone has written a poem on bread or water, for instance. But poetry is mostly about love and romance. The love of one person for another arises from the sex instinct that manifests itself in the persons. Here I would like to make a point to the young sons and daughters! If two young boys, or two young girls, have unusual love and affection for each other, then they must watch out, otherwise they might be exposed to a grave risk. This love must certainly be stopped. They may argue that they are just friends and the friendship is not because of sex instinct, but they are lying. If one person has extreme feelings towards another, it definitely is love. And love is a product of the sex instinct. The purest form of love, unadulterated with any other instinct, can only be one’ s love for Allah. One may develop love for p: 33 Imam Hussein ( a. s) and Kerbala, or for Imam Zamana. If one has an unusual love for Allah or these personalities, it is certainly a blessing. But if this is not the case, then the affected individual must realise that he is in a very dangerous situation. Reciting poetry for the beloved or becoming a lover of someone is because of the sexual urge.

2. Quranic View of Matrimony The Holy Verse reads: ءَاتَئهَا مَا إِلَّا نَفْسًا اللَّهُ یُکلَِّفُ لَا اللَّهُ ءَاتَئهُ مِمَّا فَلْیُنفِقْ رِزْقُهُ عَلَیْهِ قُدِرَ مَن وَ سَعَتِهِ مِّن سَعَةٍ ذُو لِیُنفِقْ Let him who has abundance, spend of his abundance, and he whose provision is measured, let him spend of that which Allah hath given him. Allah asketh naught of any soul save that which He hath given it( . Sura Al Talaaq 65: 07) This verse pertains to the lives of human beings and this verse is also about wives. Men and women are absolutely natural and essential for each other, in the same way that bread and water are essential. If a person cannot acquire these essentials on his own, others must assist him. Since the sexual instinct is different from other human instincts, the Holy Quran has a specific and distinct commandment about it: عَلِیم وَسِعٌ اللَّهُ وَ فَضْلِهِ مِن اللَّهُ یُغْنِهِمُ فُقَرَاءَ یَکُونُواْ إِن إِمَائکُمْ وَ ْ عِبَادِکمُ مِنْ الصَّلِحِینَ وَ ْ مِنکمُ الْأَیَمَی أَنکِحُواْ وَ And marry such of you as are solitary and the pious of your slaves and maidservants. If they be poor, Allah will enrich them of His bounty. Allah is of ample means, p: 34 Aware( . Sura An- Nur 24: 32) The importance of matrimony in the society is stressed in this verse. Here the word ‘ ankihu’, meaning marry, is used in a collective sense hinting at the importance of matrimony in the society. It is the responsibility of the parents to get their young ones married. If the parents don’ t have the means, then the Islamic government must discharge this duty. If it is unable to do so, the society has to bear this responsibility. Quran says that the society has to take the responsibility of helping the poor boys and girls marry. It also says that people should have faith in Allah that after matrimony they will flourish. If you trust in Allah, and believe Him to be the Sustainer, then marry and do not worry unduly about the future! If your trust in Allah is firm, if you work hard enough, if you follow the commandments of Islam, then fear of poverty should not worry you. Another verse of the Quran exhorts the society to help remove the poverty and penury of individuals. It urges people to help each other in the society. Particularly in the matter of matrimony, the Quran exhorts the society to help those young boys and girls marry, who don’ t have the means to meet the expenses of marriage. 3. Matrimony in the Light of Tradition The author of Wasail is one person who has a right over the Mumineen in general and the Maraji’ in particular. In his invaluable book he has recorded almost six thousand traditions. p: 35 He has recorded traditions that say that there is great felicity for the person who helps a young man get a bride or helps a young girl get married. When one reads these traditions, one feels as if there can be no felicity greater than this. It is narrated from Imam Musa ibn Jafar ( a. s) . that on the Day of Reckoning three types of persons will be under the shade of the Firmament. One of the groups will consist of the persons who helped someone to marry. In this tradition the Imam ( a. s) . says that on the Day of Judgment Allah will grant such persons with His Blessings( . Wasail al- Shia, Vol 14, Page 27) Similar traditions are recorded in other chapters of the book too. The author has recorded more than twenty such traditions. One such tradition is: “ Imam Jafar al- Sadiq ( a. s) . said that a person came to his revered father. The Imam ( a. s) . asked him“ , Do you have a spouse” ? The person replied in the negative( . I mention this especially for the benefit of those young girls and boys who can marry, but won’ t) Then the Imam ( a. s) . said“ , If Allah gives me whatever is there on the earth and asks me to remain without a wife, I would turn down the offer” ! Here ‘ whatever is on earth’ does not mean millions of dollars, it means the earth and all that it contains. The Imam is addressing girls as well as boys that if Allah gives him the earth and all p: 36 that it contains, but if he is without a spouse even for one night, this wealth has no value. Then the Imam said to that person“ , Let me tell you the difference between those who have spouses and those who don’ t. If a married man or woman offers two rakaat of prayer, it is more felicitous than the worship of an unmarried person, who prays at night and fasts during the day. ” It is narrated from the Prophet ( s) and the Imams ( a. s) that no house is liked more by Allah than that which is built on the foundation of matrimony. This tradition points to a very special fact. The fact is that when you get a young girl and a young boy married, you are helping to make a home! What is more felicitous - making a home or making a mosque or a school? The Holy Prophet ( s) says that when young couples marry and make their homes, it is definitely more felicitous! There are several other traditions stressing the importance of matrimony in Islam. The least reward is stated in the tradition that says that when a married man or woman offers the morning prayers, a reward of forty rakaats is entered in their record of deeds. It means that the rewards for all the prayers offered by married persons are enhanced 70 times! This is the importance of matrimony in Islam. To the contrary, about those young men and women who can marry but won’ t marry, the Prophet p: 37 ( s) and the Imams ( a. s) . have made the following observation: The lowest of the men are those who die single. There are several other such traditions that severely condemn men and women remaining unmarried. I am not recounting them here because they can cause a feeling of depression in the minds of the audience! If the readers wish to know more about these, they may refer to Volume 16 of Wasail al Shia. The sayings of the Holy Prophet ( s) and the Imams ( a. s) . are no exaggerations. The Shias of the Ahl al Bayt have a special belief. Their belief is that all the Divine Commandments are based on attaining certain advantages ( Masaleh) and avoiding certain evils ( Mafasid). If Imam Jafar al- Sadiq ( a. s) . has given certain orders, it follows that there must be some reason for it. If Imam Baqir ( a. s) . has asked men to refrain from certain things, there must be something negative about them. This is a confirmed belief of the Shias. 4. Importance Of Sexual Instinct In Islam The instinct of sex is different from other instincts in the human beings. When other instincts reach a peak and become strong, they make the person helpless. Sexual instinct is different in this aspect. Prophet Yusuf ( a. s) . could resist all the temptations of Zuleikha and was able to shake her off. Zuleikha had already made up her mind. According to the Quran, if it were not for Prophet Yusuf’ s infallibility and his firm determination, he too would have succumbed. When Hadhrat Yusuf was again confronted with p: 38 a bevy of beautiful women at Zuleikha’ s chambers, they cut their hands, instead of cutting the apples. All those beautiful women became attracted to and desired Yusuf ( a. s). . From this very difficult situation too Prophet Yusuf came out unscathed. Here I would like to quote a verse from the Holy Quran that I request the young ones and their parents to bear in mind: الجَْهِلِین مِّنَ أَکُن وَ إِلَیهِْنَّ أَصْبُ کَیْدَهُنَّ ِ عَنیّ تَصْرِفْ إِلَّا وَ إِلَیْهِ یَدْعُونَنیِ مِمَّا َّ إِلیَ أَحَبُّ السِّجْنُ ِ رَبّ قَالَ He said my Lord I prefer the prison to them, and if Thou will not fend off their wiles from me I shall incline unto them and become of the foolish( . Sura Yusuf, 12: 33). Prophet Yusuf says that if Allah had not been merciful, he would have been trapped by the women and become wretched and helpless. In the sentence ‘ akoon minal jaheleen,’ jahl means desire overcoming intellect. Thus in this verse, Yusuf ( a. s) . is quoted saying that O lord you were merciful, you helped me to overcome my sexual instinct. These verses pertaining to Prophet Yusuf prove that the sexual instinct is different from other instincts. If we ponder over the fact, we find that Islam has a very unique view regarding the sexual instinct. The unique thing is that it doesn’ t ask its followers to suppress this instinct. People should not do anything that might extinguish this instinct forever. Therefore, the first commandment is that people should not look at one another with lust or amorous intent. p: 39 This is a sort of defensive measure and is not asking total abstention. Viewing someone with lustful looks is considered sinful. Looking at someone with desire causes the person to become wretched, because one glance can be enough to cause infatuation, which is a disease worse than cancer. Therefore the Holy Quran addresses every lady and says“ : O lady! When you move with, or talk to a male stranger you must exercise care in selection of your dress and your behavior. O lady! If you are put in a situation when you must speak with a male stranger, then talk only to the extent that it is absolutely essential”. Even while conversing with someone over the telephone, the talk should be restricted to the bare necessities. When a woman walks in the lane, she should ensure that the chador is worn properly. Also, the chador should not be of a material that might attract attention of the wayfarers. The footwear and the posture of walking too should not be such that men become aware of you. If your chador is transparent, this is oppression because it can arouse passions. If a youth gets motivated due to the carelessness of women, it might often be difficult for him to control his sexual instinct. We conclude from the foregone discussion that the sex instinct requires the attention of the parents and the young boys and girls. The instinct will be at its zenith from the age of fifteen or sixteen years to about p: 40 28 years. During these twelve to fifteen years one can have the legitimate pleasures of the sex instinct. After this period the Need of a wife or a husband starts tapering down. But the society has grown so callous, that a major part of this prime period is spent by the youth without matrimony because of economic and other reasons.

5. Moderation In Dowry If we avoid extravagance and luxurious life, then all our social problems can be resolved. Is it not possible that the excessive dowry that we give to one daughter be distributed among ten such daughters, so that ten girls can be married! The ladies and gentlemen in our society might not agree to such a suggestion. But Islam says this is possible! Maula Amir al Mu’ minin ( a. s) . is an example for our society. There is a couplet written by Imam Ali ( a. s) . in which he says that a luxurious life makes one mentally weak and destroys him psychologically. This is the thing which causes pride in individuals and the society and makes man a worshipper of things other than his Lord. Man becomes a slave to the society. This curse of dowry that the parents have to bear is like a yoke, breaking their backs. Marrying a daughter is akin to being ground with a mortar and pestle. We are all neck deep in this morass – you, me, the villager, the city dweller, the wise, the ignorant, the learned, the illiterate – all of us are involved in this. p: 41 If we are contented in the matter of dowry, we shall be able to marry away several daughters in the place of one. You might say this frugality is not possible. I insist that it is possible! An anecdote reported by Ayatullah Haeri should serve as an example for all of us. He reports that once, while a Shaykh was seated with a group of his students, a trader brought a cloak for him. He saw that the cloak was very good, but wearing it would be unbefitting for him. On the other hand, refusing a gift, too, would not be correct. Therefore he asked the trader about the cost of the cloak. The trader did not want to reveal the price of the cloak. So the Shaykh asked him, how many ordinary cloaks could be bought for the price of that expensive cloak. The trader said that about eighteen ordinary cloaks could be bought for that money. The Shaykh said, I accept this cloak, but is it possible to get this cloak exchanged for eighteen ordinary cloaks” ? The trader agreed to the suggestion, took away the expensive cloak and returned with eighteen ordinary cloaks. The Shaykh distributed the cloaks among his students and draped one over his own shoulder. Then he turned towards the trader and asked him“ , Is this gift from you better or the earlier expensive cloak that you brought for me? If I had worn that cloak, I would have been the only person wearing it. But p: 42 now there are eighteen persons wearing new cloaks” ! You might say that such things are not possible in our daily lives. I say, they are possible, and should be possible. We all have to answer to Allah for our deeds. A tradition says: Each one of you is a ruler, and every ruler will be questioned about the people under his rule. Dear young people! If we wish to revolutionize our lives, get rid of worries and remove the ills from our society, we shall have to take a second look at our ethics and character! We shall have to reform our domestic ethics. We should tell our daughters that the heavy dowries that they carry at the time of their wedding could suffice for giving dowries to as many as sixteen brides. Thus, she can have the pleasure of celebrating the wedding of sixteen sisters. Today’ s discussion is incomplete. Inshallah, I shall continue this discussion in my subsequent talks.

The Fourth Talk 1. Obstruction To Matrimony Today’ s discussion will focus on the impediments that the present society wrongly imposes to obstruct matrimony. I shall dwell on these very briefly. Removing these impediments by delivering one or several talks on the matter might not be possible. But I am certain my talk will start the audience thinking!

2. Making Lame Excuses The first impediment in the way of matrimony of young people is the making of lame excuses, sometimes by the prospective bride and sometimes by the prospective groom. Sometimes even the parents come up with illogical excuses for not getting p: 43 their young children married. These excuses have, in several cases, resulted in girls of the age of thirty remaining at home, unmarried. There are also persistent bachelors of forty plus years of age! When they are asked the reason for not marrying, they say that they couldn’ t find a suitable match! Here I would like to say something. I shall also dwell on this matter in my subsequent talks. It is not possible for a girl or a boy to find a match which is 100 percent to her/ his liking. In normal circumstances if someone fits the bill about fifty percent, it should be fine. If the requirements are met up to about seventy percent, the match can be considered excellent. Many illogical excuses are made even by families who claim to be religious. The worldly types have different reasons and excuses. For example, the boy expects a house along with the bride, or considers beauty to be a must in his future wife, or wants to marry into a family with a very high status. He is unable to get the bride of his choice because he himself comes from a family with a lower status. So he keeps waiting to find such a match. Similarly, girls remain unmarried because their mothers say that the prospective groom doesn’ t own a house, is short in height or doesn’ t have the desired good looks! These are mere excuses. These are things which the intellect cannot accept as valid excuses. In this p: 44 gathering itself, perhaps, there are several girls who might have received twenty or more proposals that must have been refused on such flimsy grounds. There must also be such boys in this gathering who are trying to get married for the last two to three years but have been unable to get a suitable bride, even while there must be many girls amongst their relatives or neighbors. But they must have found some flaw in each one of them, and are still searching. In the end these excuses will lead them to a very bad wife. The Prophet of Islam ( s. a) . used to say“ , O people! When your daughter reaches the age of consent, get her married. A mature girl is like a ripe fruit on a tree. If it is not picked on maturity, it will fall and go waste. Similarly when a girl matures, if she does not get married, she will waste. Same is true for the sons. If a boy reaches the marriageable age and does not marry, he too will be wasted. There used to be several people making such excuses even in the gatherings addressed by the Prophet ( s). Some of them asked“ , O Prophet of Allah! What sort of match we should find for our daughters” ? The Prophet ( s) replied“ , The Mu’ minin are matches for each other( ” . that is, some have the same status as some others) Wasail al Shia, Vol 14, Page 39 A mu’ min is one who has a good character, follows p: 45 the faith implicitly, and he is the kufu or match for another mu’ min. If such a person asks for the hand of your daughter in marriage, agree to the proposal. The people asked“ , O Prophet ( s)! Who is a match” ? The Prophet ( s) repeatedly said: “ If you find a boy whose akhlaq ( ethics) are good and follows the Faith properly, give your daughter in marriage to him. If matches are made without considering the aspects of akhlaq and faith, it will cause mischief and disturbance in the Islamic Society. Wasail al Shia, Vol 14, Page 51 What more mischief and disturbance could there be in the Islamic society than is prevailing now? The Prophet of Islam ( s) said from the pulpit that one should look for a boy with good moral character and faith as a match for their daughters. When a mother looks for a match for her daughter she should check whether the boy is proud, or jealous. She should check whether the akhlaq of the boy is sound. It has been quoted in the traditions that if someone looks only for the apparent good looks and the wealth in fixing matches for their children, the consequences of such marriages are tragic. If wealth is the only criterion for a match, you will end up with regret, because such a match will be proud of his wealth or good looks or ancestry, and it is this pride which becomes a cause for differences and wretchedness later on. Imam Jafar al- Sadiq ( a. s) . said“ , Give p: 46 your daughter to a person who practices the faith properly. If he likes and loves her, he will respect her. Even if he doesn’ t like her, his faith will not permit him to be cruel to her” . How felicitous is this tradition of Imam Jafar al- Sadiq ( a. s)! . I suppose there is not even one person in this gathering who has not made such excuses, even though the Prophet ( s) himself has not attached any importance to them, rather has negated them. During the times of the Prophet ( s, ) some unusual matches have taken place so that these flimsy excuses are eliminated. Examples are the marriages of Juwaybir, Zubair and Miqdad. The Prophet ( s) got a beautiful girl with good akhlaq married using faith as the only criterion to establish the fact that the basis of marriage should be religion and akhlaq, not good looks or ancestry. I do not say that you should totally disregard other factors. I say that the criterion for marriage should be faith and akhlaq. If you like a girl seventy percent, you should not make further excuses in finalizing the match. You should not take recourse to istakhara, which is only meant for special situations when human wisdom and discretion fail, and it is not possible to obtain the opinion and advice of other Mu’ minin. In situations where confusion prevails, istekhara can be resorted to. But in situations where everything is crystal clear, when the intellect can guide you, when a proposal has come from a p: 47 boy who fits well into the norms of piety and morals, doing an istakhara is meaningless. Istakhara in Islam, in fact, means that a person offers two rakaats of prayer and thereafter says the following words a hundred times“ , Astakhirullaha be rehmateh( ” O Allah! Make what I am going to do felicitous for me). ! Thereafter he should busy himself with what he had planned to do. The work will, God willing, be good for him. This is the istakhara that the author of Kitabe Jawahir has recommended in his book. It means to ask the best from Allah in your works. Sometimes when an istakhara comes negative, people do it again and again till they get a positive response. This is absolutely wrong. In conclusion we would like to say that the excuses made by parents or the boys and girls for avoiding and postponing matrimony must be avoided. Instead, we should place trust in Allah. Allah will set the future right. According to the Holy Quran one should neither grieve over the past, nor be fearful about the future. یحَْزَنُون هُمْ لَا وَ عَلَیْهِمْ خَوْفٌ لَا اللَّهِ أَوْلِیَاءَ إِنَّ أَلَا Lo! Verily the friends of Allah are ( those) on whom fear ( cometh) not, nor do they grieve( . Sura Yunus, 10: 62). The friends of Allah neither grieve over the past nor are they fearful about the future because they place their trust in Allah. We too should, in matters of matrimony, stop making excuses and make positive decisions putting absolute trust in p: 48 Allah. These excuses have all been rejected and refuted by the Prophet ( s, ) the Imams ( a. s) . and the religious scholars. We quote here an incident about Kashif al Ghita, who was a Marjae Taqleed. There are very few examples like him in wisdom, erudition and chivalry. One day, after the lesson he said to his students“ , I have a daughter who has reached the age of consent. If I find a morally upright and religious young person, I shall give her in marriage to him” . Hearing this, one of the students got up and sat down. According to the custom of that time, this meant that he was offering himself as a match for the daughter of the eminent cleric. Kashif al Ghita asked the boy to follow him home and adjourned the class. The student went behind him. The cleric knew that the boy was morally upright and a good student in the group. He knew that the boy was a good practitioner of the moral values of Islam. But neither did he have any wealth nor property. Kashif al Ghita told his daughter that there was a proposal for her from a boy who was morally and religiously upright but had no worldly wealth. Would she be interested in marrying the boy? She told her father that all the authority vested in him. The contract of marriage was immediately drawn; the young couple was tied in wedlock. Kashaf al Ghita vacated one room at his house and settled p: 49 the couple there. When he got up for the night prayer, he knocked at the door of the young couple and said“ , I have placed a container of water at the door of such and such room. Go and offer prayers” . The couple performed ghusl and recited Salahul Layl. The story we have related about Kashif al Ghita, it doesn’ t conclude here because: الْمُحْسِنِین لَمَعَ اللَّهَ إِنَّ وَ سُبُلَنَا لَنهَْدِیَنهَُّمْ فِینَا جَهَدُواْ الَّذِینَ وَ As for those who strive for Us, we surely guide them to Our paths, and lo! Allah is with the good. ( Sura Ankabut, 29: 69). Those who strive in Allah’ s cause have been promised help by Him. Khashif al Ghita’ s son- in law, Shaykh Muhammad Taqi, reached such a high state of learning that he could write a commentary on ‘ Ma- alim’. Even now, after three to four hundred years his commentary is recognized as very authoritative. All the sons of Kashif al Ghita became mujtahids. His family was so morally upright and religious that all the scholars of Isfahan were humble before them. The marriage which takes place according to the wishes of Allah and the Prophet ( s) will be very felicitous. Quran wants us to marry on the basis of Islamic principles. This is the way of the Prophet ( s, ) the Infallible Imams ( a. s) . and the way of the mujtahids. Allama Majlisi was an erudite scholar but was also very wealthy. To gauge his learning, a glance at his book Bihar al Anwaar should be sufficient. We can say with p: 50 confidence that so far, after him, a scholar of his erudition has not been born. Allama Majlisi had a daughter who was not only a scholar and a mujtahida, but also very beautiful too. As far as lineage was concerned, she belonged to one of the highly respected families of the time. Allama Majlisi arranged her marriage to his student, Sayyid Saleh Mazandarani, who had no name, fame and property worth a mention. But he was religious, morally upright and a good student of religion. Allama Majlisi married his daughter to him because of his good akhlaq. It is said that once Mazandarani was unable to solve a question of jurisprudence. When he came home and referred it to her, she was able to give a learned reply to the question! Although the daughter was not an ordinary person, the Allama selected this youth as a match for her because he found him morally upright and religious. He was a father who made no recourse to excuses. He used to say that the Prophet of Islam ( s) has said: “ When a person approaches you for the hand of your daughter, and you are sure about his good character and practice of the faith, then give your daughter in marriage to him. If you don’ t do this, then there will be much mischief on the face of the earth” !

3. Unnecessary Show The second impediment is more important and more difficult to avoid these days. In the earlier days the bride used to bring a Quran p: 51 with her. Gradually a candle holder was added to the list, and all of you know what the list includes today. The things have reached such a pass that even if the groom sells himself, he cannot buy the quantity of gold that he has to give to the bride at the time of the marriage. This prompts young boys to refuse matrimony. If the bride carries a Quran and an ordinary mirror with her, can it not suffice? What difference does it make if the groom brings an ordinary ring for the bride? What calamity will befall if the bride presents the groom an Aqeeq ring? Instead of this a chain of gold is put in the neck of the groom as if the hanging noose has been put on his neck! The first problem is that he cannot offer prayers with gold around his neck! The second problem and wretchedness is that if at the time of solemnization of Seegha e Nikaah the groom wears a golden ring on his finger and a golden chain on his neck, sins will be recorded on his book of deeds because ornamentation of men with gold is forbidden ( Haram). Gold rings, watches, chains, spectacle frames and all things which are ornamentation for men fall under the forbidden category. Now, what difference does it make if the groom wears a silver chain or a silver ring studded with an aqeeq or even if he wears nothing at all on his finger? Even p: 52 if people pass comments, neither will the sky fall on the earth, nor will the earth rise upto the sky. On the contrary, it is our bad deeds that spoil the skies and destroy the earth. Is there anyone bold enough to break these unpleasant practices? But these practices cannot be done away by the efforts of a few people. All of us have to work towards it. We know that the city of Qum has certain distinguishing qualities. Cannot the people of Qum take the lead in putting an end to these practices? They should stop the practice of bringing expensive mirrors and candelabra as part of the bride’ s trousseau and conduct simple marriages. Slowly all other places will follow suit, and a day will come when the Islamic government will declare that we are the ones who have rid ourselves of this menace. One person came to the presence of Imam Jafar al- Sadiq ( a. s). . The Imam ( a. s) . asked him if he was married? The man replied in the negative. The Imam ( a. s) . then said that if the entire world and all that it contained was given to him for remaining without his spouse for a night, he would not accept it. Then he said that a two- unit salah of a married man or woman is more felicitous than the entire night worship of a single person. Wasail al Shia, Vol 14, Page 2 Imam Muhammad Baqir ( a. s) . gave seven dinars to a person and asked him to go and get p: 53 married. Those days the amount was sufficient for a modest wedding. Nowadays, one may have to sell his house to be in a position to arrange his wedding! This extravagance is not liked by Allah. Once the Prophet of Islam ( s) was seated with his companions when a woman came to his presence and said“ , O Prophet of Allah! I am not married. Kindly arrange my marriage” . The Prophet ( s) turned towards his companions and said“ , Is any one of you willing to marry this woman” ? One of the companions stood up and gave his consent. The Prophet asked him what he could offer for the dowry. The man said that he had nothing except the shirt that he was wearing. The Prophet ( s) asked him if he remembered anything from the Holy Quran. The man said he remembered only one chapter, Waqiya, from the Holy Book. The Prophet ( s) then asked the woman if she was willing to accept the chapter as the dowry for her marriage to the man. When the woman agreed, the marriage was solemnized. The Prophet ( s) used to give lessons to the people that they should not make excuses for delaying marriages. Today people from all fields including clerics, traders, the learned, the illiterate, the rural and the urban populations are involved in this undesirable practice. Why? The affluent sections are more involved in this than the poorer sections. Just think why people make excuses for delaying marriages. Why are they taking shelter behind istakhara p: 54 to invent excuses for delaying and postponing marriages? The things have reached such a pass that even while the Seegha e Nikah is being recited, the groom is thinking of how and when he will clear the loan he has incurred for buying the gold for the marriage. Does this not happen? Can the marriages not be solemnized without giving gold?! People should have trust in Allah that He will give more in the future! It is not at all possible that a good act performed in the way of Allah remains without reward! When you do something for a common person, he thanks you. If you do something for Allah, do you think Allah will not bless you? O mothers! Gold can be gifted even after the marriage. Your main concern should be to find a good groom for your daughter who will love her. Imam Jafar al- Sadiq ( a. s) . says that even if the husband doesn’ t love his wife, his faith should be such that it does not allow him to be cruel to her and does not permit him to make her unhappy. However we find that even if the husband can cover his wife with gold ornaments from head to toe, he doesn’ t do it, because before marriage his feelings were abused, by your placing obstructions in the path of marriage. O mothers, by making these excuses you are abusing his feelings and love. In the days gone by, a custom was that the groom was given some clothes p: 55 after the proposal was accepted. Then a box of sweets was added to the list. Now it is said it doesn’ t look nice that only the groom is given gifts and the mother- in- law is given nothing, so something should be given to her too. Those who have the means can give and will definitely give. But what of those who do not have the means? They are forced into debts. A person who earns on a daily basis, a person who is not in a position to buy a kilo of apples for his children or a kilo of fruit for them for iftar is expected to also gift something to his mother- in- law, in order to please her. And if she is not a good woman no amount of gifts will please her. If she is a good person, she will always be happy whether you gift her something or nothing because these things cannot buy love. If someone thinks to the contrary, he is mistaken. In the Mathnavi, Maulavi says that a person went to attend the nature’ s call and recited the prayer that is prescribed for wudhu ( ablution) prior to prayers. When the same person went for doing the wudhu he recited the prayer meant for reciting at the time of attending the nature’ s call! Maulavi told to the person that he remembered the prayers very well but forgotten what they were meant for! For marriages too, people think that the love of the son- in- law is proportional to p: 56 the gold given, or that love is in covering the bride in gold. This is a wrong concept. This can only bring worries, debt and problems for both the newly- weds! Love is that which is endowed by Allah. In the Holy Quran He says: وُدًّا الرَّحْمَنُ لهَُمُ سَیَجْعَلُ الصَّلِحَتِ عَمِلُواْ وَ ءَامَنُواْ الَّذِینَ إِنَّ Lo! Those who believe and do good works, the Beneficent will appoint for them love( . Sura Maryam, 19: 96). The Holy Quran says that if you want your son- in- law to love your daughter, you must establish a strong connection with Allah. You should be concerned with what Allah wants from you. Can anyone of you say with confidence that Imam Zaman ( a. s) . is pleased with these marriages. Can we claim that Islam is pleased with our marriages, our excuses, our extravagance? Imam Wali al-‘ Asr ( a) is not pleased, The Prophet ( s) and Sayyida Fatima ( a. s) are not happy. We should break free from and do away with these undesirable obstructions to marriage.

4. Excessive Mahr Another big problem is the fixing of mahr ( dowry). There was a time when the non- revolutionary and non- religious types used to quote one million, two million, and three million. Now, after the revolution, people say that mahr should be equal to the number of the Prophets ( s– ) one lakh, twenty four thousand ( 124, 000) units of modern money - at the mention of which people have to take to their heels. In Qum, another thing is added to this is the sheer baha. Do you know what p: 57 sheer baha is? It is an evil practice. It means to take money from the son- in- law for nursing your own daughter ( breastfeeding her). The best thing is that after extracting this amount from the groom, it is not even given to the mother; it goes into the pocket of the father. What is sheer baha? Are you selling your daughter by charging sheer baha? Sheer baha means that you are selling your daughter. The Jurists say that a person who cannot pay one lakh or 85, 000 tumans cannot agree to pay the same. Traditions say that a sign of an inauspicious bride is her high mahr. If there is no love, what will the mahr achieve? People keep a high mahr to bind the son- in- law to the daughter - when he is unable to pay the mahr, he will not be able to leave her. But what if the boy does not love the girl? The boy gives enough money in the house, he does not beat her so you cannot accuse him of being cruel, he does not use bad language so you cannot accuse him of having bad akhlaq. He just refuses to speak to her. She may bear this for a day or two. In the end, this house will become worse than a prison for her. After about a year in this situation the girl starts feeling that not only has she lost her mahr but might even lose her life! So she forgives him the p: 58 mahr. In short, the mahr cannot bind a husband against his will. Some people have come up with a revolutionary idea that the girls can be married away without fixing any mahr. I don’ t agree with them because a marriage cannot be solemnized without fixing a mahr. It is also not correct when some people fix a copy of the Holy Quran or five coins as mahr. I believe that the mahr should be neither excessive nor small. The middle way should be adopted, and even then the mahr should be fixed keeping in mind the status of the boy and the girl. 5. LavishWalima Or Reception The fourth impediment and problem in marriages is lavish walima. Walima is considered a felicitous custom in Islam, but which walima? The walima that the Prophet of Islam ( s) held at the wedding of Hadhrat Fatima Zahra ( a. s). . A goat was slaughtered and the poor of Medina were invited. After the poor of Medina, who could not afford meat, had eaten the Prophet ( s) ordered the leftover food to be distributed amongst those poor who did not attend the feast or those who had not eaten the food. After this walima, the Prophet ( s) led his daughter to the groom’ s house. But today’ s walima is nothing short of a headache. We find the father of a girl unwilling to get her married. On investigation we find that in reality he cannot afford the walima, so he makes all kinds of excuses, even while the daughter is more p: 59 than twenty or twenty- five years old. My dear brothers this type of walima is totally wrong. Don’ t be under the impression that it will bring divine rewards. This type of walima attracts divine punishment instead of divine rewards. Walima is given to make the marriage felicitous, but the type of walima we give neither makes the marriage nor the bride felicitous. A Wrong Practice When a person dies, we find that his son and heir is not occupied with acts that bring Divine Reward for his father, but he is occupied with footing the bill for the majlis ( condolence ceremony) of the father. He is worried about the food to be served after the majlis. People keep coming to give condolences and this goes on for a few days. The son is forced to sell his house to conduct a majlis for his father, and feed the people after the majlis. According to Islam when someone dies, other people should not allow food to be cooked in this house for three days. Instead they should take food for the bereaved family, and not go there to eat. To go and eat in a house where a death has taken place is makrooh ( abominable). Some days back a youth had come to meet me. He said that his father had died, and with great difficulty he had managed to take a loan of 70, 000 tumans. The first calamity is that his father had died, and then he had to feed people for a week, make p: 60 arrangements for tea etc. He thought that he had done something good for his father whereas his father is complaining in his grave because his son took a loan and is cursing all those who eat at his house the whole day, because of which his wife, his daughter and his son are suffering. If you want to hold a majlis or a walima the best way is to be concerned about the poor, do not forget them. It is related that a lady used to cook sweets one day of the week and ask her son to distribute it amongst the people at the cemetery. One day the son was very hungry, so instead of distributing it at the cemetery, he ate it himself and returned home. At night the lady saw her dead husband in a dream. He informed her that the sweets she had distributed the entire year had not reached him, but he had received the sweets she had distributed the day before. On investigation the lady found out that it was the sweets her orphan son had eaten. We should be concerned about the children of the dead person. We should be concerned about the poor, not about those who can afford to eat. It is not right to stay for weeks at their houses, and become a headache for them, while they have to worry about getting meat, oil, chairs etc. Is this not troublesome for them? Islam forbids such things because when we keep p: 61 going and eating at their houses they have to keep taking loans. Loans are, by themselves, enough to kill a person. The type of walima we have for our marriages and kind of majlis we hold for the dead are wrong. We should put an end to these practices, because Allah is not pleased with us. Our Prophet and the Imams are not pleased with us. Our Imam is not pleased with us.

The Fifth Talk

1. The Dowry ( From The Bride) One of the worst practices of our times is the custom of huge dowries. By this I mean the dowry which is against the shariah, the dowry which amounts to extravagance, the dowry which poses a hindrance to marriage. The result is that the girl has reached thirty years of age, but her father is unable to get her married because he cannot give her the dowry her friends or neighbors were given. The girl is twenty years old, and is getting many proposals, but the father is making excuses. He thinks that if he accepts a proposal, from where he will get the dowry. He is in such a position that he cannot even give a minimum dowry. Dowry should be given, but how much and what should be included in the dowry. The dowry should be given by the father if he can, if he cannot the Islamic government should give the dowry, failing which it is the duty of the people to provide the dowry. Only the essentials of life should be included p: 62 in the dowry, which was the dowry the Prophet ( s) had given to Sayyida Fatima Zahra ( a. s). . When the marriage of Sayyida Fatima Zahra ( a. s) . was fixed, the Prophet ( s) sent out two men and a lady to the bazaar to acquire the necessities for the dowry. They purchased 17 things costing a total of 63 Dirham. Included in these 17 things there was a chador. We should note that there was only one chador and not many! The chador was neither too expensive nor such that it wouldn’ t properly cover a lady’ s body. There was also a burqa ( clothing worn by ladies over their dress when they go out of doors) and there was a dress. Hadhrat Fatima ( a. s) gave away this dress to a needy person and went to Imam Ali ( a. s’ ) . s house in the dress that she was using at home! In the morning the Prophet ( s) visited her. He asked“ , What have you done to your new dress’ ? She replied“ , I have given it away for the sake of Allah” ! The Prophet ( s) asked her“ , Why didn’ t you give away the old dress in charity instead of the new one” ? She replied“ , Allah says that when you want to give something in charity for my sake, give that which you like, so I gave away my new dress for the sake of Allah” . As a part of the dowry there was a tanned skin of a goat to be used as a spread for sitting on p: 63 the floor and a comforter filled with the peelings of dates. There were also some earthen pots and an earthen jug for water. When the Prophet ( s) saw the dowry, there were tears in his eyes. The ladies are requested to view this dowry with the eyes of their hearts. Then the Prophet ( s) prayed to Allah“ , O Allah, make this dowry, which comprises mostly of earthen products, felicitous” . Dowries should be according to necessity. How can we rid the society of this evil that we practice today? If the brides’ suitcase is not overflowing that night is like the first night in the grave for her mother. On the other hand when the mother- in- law sees that the brides’ suitcase is not full, she creates a hue and cry. Sometimes matters reach such a stage that the dowry is sent back. This is the reason that the daughter is thirty years old, but is unable to go to her husbands’ house. I appeal to the well- off people that when they give dowry they should not create difficulties for the society. There was a time when the television, washing machine, fridge, and freezer were not a part of the dowry. Then someone added one item to the list, and another added another item. Now things are such that it is even difficult to think about marriage. If you want to give, by all means do so, but only after the girl has already gone to her husband’ s house and do it p: 64 quietly, so that nobody comes to know. For Gods’ sake do not give rise to these troubles in the society. Don’ t do things which result in daughters of poor families remaining unmarried. Let her also see her husband’ s house. When you give such dowries you think it to be good, but neither is it good nor felicitous. Especially if the bride is stingy, she will allow no one to use her dowry, with the result that still only the old things are used in the husband’ s house. She creates an uproar if someone even tries to touch her things, she wants her dowry to be preserved for the next hundred years, so that they are included among antiques. Another major problem is a house. These days from the cities to the villages, we find that the father, son, brother, sister are not willing to stay together. The daughter- in- law doesn’ t want to live under the same roof with the mother- in- law and the mother- in- law does not want to live with the daughter- in- law! The house must be separate, even if it is a rented premise! This is a major deterrent for young men who then avoid getting married. In most cases their earnings are not sufficient to set up a separate household. When proposals are received from eligible boys, the first question that comes up is whether they own a house for independent living. The question whether the boy is pious or not is never raised. If the boy is not pious and has p: 65 poor akhlaq, then tomorrow this very house will become a prison for the bride. The issue of a house is a major one. In older days this was never an issue. Four daughters- in- law used to live together in one house - and happily. Nowadays a separate house is required, because people want easy comfort. This is one of the problems of modern age. One of the leading clerics of Isfahan told me that once a youth came to him and said that his parents were not getting him married. He requested the cleric to persuade his parents to consent to his marriage. One early morning the cleric went to the home of the youth and gave a long sermon to the parents about the importance of matrimony. In conclusion he very strongly recommended that they give their consent to their son marrying and settling down to a happy conjugal life. After hearing the talk the mother of the youth said“ , As long as I am alive, no daughter- in- law will cross the threshold of this house” ! In utter dejection the cleric turned towards the youth and said“ , The only solution for you now is to pray for the death of this old lady” ! The things have reached such a pass that the mothers don’ t want to welcome daughters- in- law in their homes and the girls are not willing to marry into homes they will have to share with the mothers- in- law! Our society is riddled with so many problems. There is one p: 66 problem followed by another, and then another. This chain seems never- ending. Can something not be done about these issues? Can these problems not be solved? After overcoming all these hurdles, if a marriage takes place, then fights erupt between the husband and wife - a major cause of which is a desire for a luxurious life. When we analyze the causes of differences between man and wife, we find that the wife expresses her unwillingness to continue using the dresses available in her wardrobe. She wants to change her dress every few hours. She refuses to wear the same dress for two different occasions. If she has to attend more than one function on the same day, she wants to change the dress before going to the second party. If there are several functions on the same day, she wants as many changes of dress as there are parties. Thus starts a fight between the man and the wife. The husband says“ , It would have been better if your father had given many expensive dresses with the dowry” ! The wife rebuffs“ , My father has given me in marriage to you. Now it is your duty to make dresses for me. Not even a month has passed since their marriage and the bride is demanding clothes and gold from her husband. Within this first month of marriage, the girl demands her savings bond ( Wathiqa). She says that she will sell the bond to buy new clothes and gold. She says that she p: 67 is the owner of the bond, and thus has the right to use it as she pleases – and if she wants to sell them in order to buy articles of beautification, why should her husband object? If the matter ends with the redemption of the bond, even then it is alright. But the demands don’ t stop here. They just keep increasing. Our day- to- day life is such that when a person marries, he feels as if burdened with a calamity. He regrets getting married. What I have presented in front of you today is just a glimpse of the difficulties we have created in the society today, which are like a cancer for the society. The remedy of these evils is simple. There are a couple of verses of the Holy Quran. If our society follows these, the malady will disappear. سَلَمًا قَالُواْ الْجَهِلُونَ خَاطَبَهُمُ إِذَا وَ هَوْنًا الْأَرْضِ عَلیَ یَمْشُونَ الَّذِینَ الرَّحْمَنِ عِبَادُ وَ The ( faithful) slaves of the Beneficent are they who walk upon the earth modestly, and when the foolish ones address them answer: Peace( ! Sura Al Furqaan, 25: 63) And قَوَامًا ذَلِکَ َ بَینْ کَانَ وَ یَقْترُُواْ لَمْ وَ یُسْرِفُواْ لَمْ أَنفَقُواْ إِذَا الَّذِینَ وَ And those who, when they spend, are neither prodigal nor grudging: and there is ever a firm station between the two ( Sura Al Furqaan, 25: 67) The selected men of God are those who tread the land with humility! When the ignorant talk in ignorance, they wish them peace. When they spend, it is neither with extravagance nor p: 68 with stinginess. Their expenses are always moderate. They are the Mu’ minin who are neither extravagant nor are they misers! ‘ Wa kaana baina zaalika qawwama- ’ If man refrains from extravagance, if he guards himself against luxuries, then he will be safe from many a calamity. In such circumstances a youth can get married while he is still studying, which is not normally the case. This is because there are a lot of problems in the society. The society is ill with diseases like extravagance and the like. If there is no extravagance, no reckless spending, but a middle path of modest spending is adopted, the youth can pursue a university education and even get married

2. Miserliness People should not be miserly in their expenses. Islam looks down upon miserly persons with contempt. Allah says in the Holy Quran: خَبِیر تَعْمَلُونَ بمَِا اللَّهُ وَ الْأَرْضِ وَ السَّمَوَتِ مِیرَثُ لِلَّهِ وَ الْقِیَمَةِ یَوْمَ بِهِ بخَِلُواْ مَا سَیُطَوَّقُونَ لَّهُمْ شرٌَّ هُوَ بَلْ لَّهُم خَیرًْا هُوَ فَضْلِهِ مِن اللَّهُ ءَاتَئهُمُ بِمَا یَبْخَلُونَ الَّذِینَ َّ یحَْسَبنَ لَا وَ Let not those who act niggardly with any of His bounty God has given them consider it better for them; rather it will be worse for them: they will be charged on Resurrection Day with anything they were so niggardly about. Allah holds the inheritance of Heaven and Earth, and Allah knows what you do( . Sura Ali Imran, 3: 178) Those who have been bestowed by Allah with some wealth should not be miserly in spending it. They should not remain under the impression p: 69 that their miserliness will do them any good. On the contrary, they will regret this attitude because on the Day of Judgment, this wealth will be turned into a noose that will be fastened round their necks. Whatever wealth exists in the universe belongs to Allah and He is aware of what men do in this world! The Holy Quran tells us that those who do not spend their wealth on their family and children, and do not keep them in comfort are not doing something good. On the contrary they are doing something bad. It then informs us that the wealth, the miser saves through his stinginess will be put around his neck in the form of a noose on the Day of Judgment. He will be brought to the grounds of Judgment wearing this noose and will have to stand there ashamed, with this noose around his neck. If, besides this verse of the Holy Quran there is no tradition condemning stinginess, even then this verse is deterrent enough. A person should, besides his family, help those in need in the society. Do we want Allah ( s. w. t) . to convert our wealth, property, and belongings into a noose on the Day of Judgment and put it around our necks, while we are humiliated? Dear brothers, miserliness is a bad deed. But, on the other hand luxury and extravagance is also wrong. The Quran says that a society riddled with unwise spending and luxury is on its way to destruction p: 70 and evil. It is mentioned in the book Meraj al Sa‘ adat that once there was a miserly person. He used to tell his children to touch the bread with the bottle of the clarified butter from the outside and eat it. One day he traveled out of town and had locked the bottle of the clarified butter in a closet. The children were about to eat their bread by touching it to the door of the closet when the father arrived. He picked up a stick and hit them saying“ , Can’ t you live without eating the clarified butter even for a day” ?! A miserly person is never at ease. He doesn’ t even get peaceful sleep at night. The Holy Quran says: تَدْمِیرًا فَدَمَّرْنَهَا الْقَوْلُ عَلَیهَْا فَحَقَّ فِیهَا فَفَسَقُواْ مُترَْفِیهَا أَمَرْنَا قَرْیَةً نهُّْلِکَ أَن أَرَدْنَا إِذَا وَ And when We would destroy a township We send commandment to its folk who live at ease, and afterward they commit abomination therein, and so the word ( of doom) hath effect for it, and We annihilate it with complete annihilation( . Sura al-’ Isra’, 17: 16) For example there are storms and earthquakes that destroy huge populations and towns. But the evil of luxurious living that our society is afflicted with today is more dangerous than these storms and earthquakes. Reckless spending, according to the Quran, is harbinger of a sad and bad end! الشِّمَال أَصحَْبُ مَا الشِّمَالِ أَصحَْبُ وَ حَمِیم وَ سمَُومٍ فیِ یحَْمُوم مِّن ّ ظِلٍ وَ کَرِیم لَا وَ بَارِدٍ لَّا مُترَْفِین ذَلِکَ قَبْلَ کاَنُواْ إِنهَُّمْ الْعَظِیم الحِْنثِ عَلیَ یُصِرُّونَ کاَنُواْ وَ And those on p: 71 the left hand: What of those on the left hand? In scorching wind and scalding water And shadow of black smoke Neither cool nor refreshing. Lo! Heretofore they were effete with luxury And used to persist in the awful sin( . Sura al Waqiyah, 56: 41 – 46) Amongst the people of the past there are those who carry their book of deeds in their left hands. It is a pity that the people of the left hand will suffer in the fire of Hell! They will be engulfed with boiling waters and dense black smoke of Hell. It will neither be cool for them nor will it be comforting! These are the people who lived in luxury in the world and indulged in immoral acts. The people of the left hand will face a painful torment in Hell. Because of their immoral and luxurious ways, they committed sin after sin. The Holy Quran says that the Prophets ( a. s) . of the past had warned such men against their evil ways. About such men the Holy Book says: کَفِرُون بِهِ أُرْسِلْتُم بِمَا إِنَّا مُترَْفُوهَا قَالَ إِلَّا نَّذِیرٍ مِّن قَرْیَةٍ فیِ أَرْسَلْنَا مَا وَ And We sent not unto any township a warner, but its pampered ones declared: Lo! We are disbelievers in that which ye bring unto us( . Sura Saba, 34: 34) Whenever Allah sent a warner to any people, it was the people who were indulging in luxuries who refuted the commandments communicated to them. If there was no other verse condemning extravagance, this verse of the Holy Quran should be p: 72 sufficient for people to abstain from their wasteful ways. A question then arises as to what constitutes the life of moderation and equanimity? Such an ideal life is one in which one has enough to eat, he should have a modest abode and dress to wear. Such a life is really comfortable. It is narrated that the Prophet ( s) was once traveling with his companions. He came across a shepherd during the journey and asked for some milk. The shepherd refused to give any milk. The Prophet ( s) said“ , May Allah bless you so much that you are not able to account for your possessions” ! When the entourage proceeded further, they came across another shepherd with his flock. This person, when asked for some milk, offered all the stock that he had with him. The Prophet said“ , May Allah give you sufficient sustenance that you don’ t have to depend on others for their help” ! In surprise the companions asked the Prophet ( s“ , ) O Prophet of Allah! Your prayer for the person who refused to part with his milk appeared better than the prayer you offered for this generous shepherd” ! The Prophet ( s) replied“ , No! In plenty there is nothing more than trouble and headache! A life in which a person is contented with his modest earnings is better than a life of luxury. Such people will never have any psychological ailments” . Amir al Mu’ minin ( a. s) . has said that life should be one of contentment and not of opulence. Opulence takes p: 73 people towards unhappiness and oppression.

3. Summary Of Discussion The summary of our talk is that we have to revolutionize our lives, we have to bring about a change in our lives. We need to take stock of our ethics. The first step in this direction is to bring about changes in our system of marriage so that gradually we can shake off these evil practices from our society. Our lives should be constructive and definitely not one of luxury that brings about ruin. When does a Muslim lead a truly happy life? It is when he has a house of his own, then buys one for another. When he leads a middle class existence, he helps others to lead a middle class existence too. Dear brothers! As we are in need of material things, so do we need spiritual contentment! We should strive to fulfill our material needs and live happily. But more important than this is our spiritual needs Spiritual needs are not satisfied by having good food, good housing or a good spouse. Our spiritual needs are satisfied by helping the oppressed and helping the needy. Every individual must give a helping hand in the marriage of at least one couple in a year. There is the august example of Lady Fatima Zahra ( a. s) . before us - that she preferred to wear a used garment with patches and gave away the new one to the needy! Amir al Mu’ minin ( a. s) . used to continue wearing old dresses and gave away the new p: 74 apparel to others. Fatima Zahra ( a. s, ) . despite being the owner of the Garden of Fadak, preferred wearing clothes made out of rough yarn. It is famous that a trader visited Ayatullah Sadr ( r. a) . with his spouse. The trader went to the chambers of the Ayatullah and the wife went to the ladies’ quarters and knocked at the door. The Ayatullah’ s wife came to the door and opened it. Seeing her in very ordinary clothes, the trader’ s wife thought she must be one of the servants in the house. She said“ , Where is the lady of the house? I wish to meet her” . The Ayatullah’ s wife felt shy to tell that she was the lady of the house. She said that she was not at home. The trader’ s wife went away. At this moment the Ayatullah came to the ladies’ quarters and found that his wife was rather upset. When he asked her to tell the reason for her bad mood she recounted to him what had transpired with the trader’ s wife. The Ayatullah told her“ , Yes, when you say you are not a lady, you are really not one! The real lady was one who wore a shawl of two patched pieces of cloth and dedicated the produce of the Garden of Fadak for the poor and needy! Similarly, a master is not the person who spends his life in false luxury but one who helps the persons in need and clears the debts of others! A true lady is p: 75 not one who drapes herself in expensive shawls. A true lady is one who has four or five shawls out of which she keeps one for her own use and gives away the rest to needy women who have none to cover their heads" ! For the sake of Allah’ s pleasure, for the sake of our children, for the sake of a better hereafter, for the sake of Islam, for the sake of Imam Zamana, ponder over these points a little. Do not say that the points are good, but what can I do? O Allah! Give us better sense and a right spirit for the sake of the sacrifice of Bab al Hawaij Hadhrat Abbas ( a. s) . who didn’ t quench his thirst on the bank of the river remembering the thirst of the little children of Imam Husayn ( a. s)! O Allah! Give us the spirit of sacrifice in our lives( ! Ameen)

The Sixth Talk

1. The Sanctity Of Home So far our discussions were about domestic morals. Now we shall deal with the sanctity of the home. We learn from the Holy Quran and the traditions of the Ahl al Bayt ( a. s) . that a house that promotes love and affection is certainly an ideal home! The inhabitants of such homes take care of each other. They are regular in salah ( prayers, ) fasting and are God fearing. They maintain a rapport with Allah through regular supplication. Such homes have an elevated position in the view of Allah. Allah desires such homes to prosper. Such homes appear shining to the inhabitants of p: 76 the Firmament as do the stars to the people of the earth. We also learn from the Holy Quran and traditions of the Infallible Ahl al- Bayt ( a. s) . that a house where people have differences and hatred, where people are not regular in offering salah or fasting, where people commit sins, are like ruins. Such homes are not auspicious. Satan frequents such homes, while angel despise them. The Holy Quran says: الاَْصَال وَ بِالْغُدُوِّ فِیهَا لَهُ یُسَبِّحُ اسْمُهُ فِیهَا یُذْکَرَ وَ تُرْفَعَ أَن اللَّهُ أَذِنَ بُیُوتٍ فیِ In houses which Allah hath allowed to be raised andwhere His name is remembered He is glorified therein In the morning and evening( . Sura al An- Nur, 24: 36) Allah says that certain homes are such that He himself wants them to be exalted, for example when a person tries to raise the spiritual level of his house. These are the homes where Allah’ s name is called out and the tasbeeh is recited. The occupants of these homes remember Allah – these are the homes that are exalted near Allah. These are the homes where salah is recited, the zakat is paid, and the occupants of such homes fear Allah that is they avoid sins. This verse has an obvious meaning, which I have just mentioned. That is to say that Allah considers some homes to be as sanctified as masjids or madressas. Why are they sanctified? Because pious people live in them. And Allah is remembered in these homes. Salah and fasting takes place here, there is p: 77 no sinning, and no differences between those who live here. However there is another hidden interpretation of this verse The Infallible Imams ( a. s) . have made a commentary on this meaning of the verse. They say that there are some persons who are entitled to azmat or greatness. Imam Jafar al- Sadiq ( a. s) . interprets the word buyuut ( homes) in the verse as the hearts of the persons and not the homes built of brick, mortar and wood. These homes, according to him, are the sanctimonious bodies like that of the Prophet ( s) and the Imams ( a. s). . Once Qatada came in the presence of Imam Muhammad Baqir ( a. s). . He was awed with the Imam’ s ( a. s) . personality. He said“ , I have visited many learned men and had long sessions of discussions with them. But I never had such feelings as I am having now” ! The Imam ( a. s) . asked“ , Are you aware with what sort of person you are conversing now? You are in front of abodes that have been elevated by Allah where He is remembered and His dhikr is done morning and evening! They are the people who cannot be diverted from Remembrance of Allah by any activity of trade or playful pastimes” . The other meaning of this Verse of the Holy Quran is interpretative ( Taweeli). This we cannot understand. The Imams ( a. s) . are the interpreters of the Quran, and are entitled to interpret it and do tafseer of the Quran. A part of the Quran is evident and is binding on all ( Hujjat). Another p: 78 aspect of the Book is hidden. Everyone can make use of this hidden aspect of the Quran according to his own ability. The summary of this discussion is that the verse tells us about homes in which there is no strife. These are the homes wherein the housemates serve each other so that there is comfort. The man works and serves his children because they are Muslims and should live in comfort The Holy Quran says that only such a house is held in high respect by the angels. They are the homes that earn the pleasure of Allah. But those homes where strife exists, where the wife misbehaves with her husband, where the husband and wife don’ t have love and affection for each other, are, according to this verse of the Quran, homes which are not exalted. According to the traditions of the Ahl al Bayt too, such homes are inauspicious. According to riwayaat these homes are the abodes of the Satans. The Satans frequent these homes. In such homes the inhabitants don’ t offer prayers regularly. They never try to establish rapport with or supplicate to Allah. They have no care for the Day of Reckoning. Such homes, according to the Quran and traditions, are abodes of darkness. Amir al Mu’ minin ( a. s) . says“ , The house in which the Holy Quran is recited and Allah is remembered, where the inhabitants don’ t commit sins, is an auspicious house. The angels keep visiting such houses. The Satan keeps away from there. Satan and p: 79 his cohorts, inspite all their efforts, cannot have access to such homes” . Amir al Mu’ minin further says“ , The house where the inhabitants commit sins, where Satans come freely, but is despised by angels, is an inauspicious house. The children who are bred in such houses may not grow into pious persons. According to scientific and psychological norms too, it is difficult for such children to be successful in life. A house bereft of love and affection can offer nothing more than worry and anxiety. It is the children who are unfortunate in this environment. Such homes are prisons for the children. A house where sins are rampant, where strife exists, extinguishes the inherent abilities of the children who are raised there. The lives of such parents and the children are always sad. According to traditions, if you desire your house to be auspicious then salah, fasting, supplications recitation of Quran should take place in your house. If you want your children to be auspicious, if you desire your wealth to be auspicious, then you should make an effort to ensure that your house is not a place for sinning. Traditions make it very clear to us that if our homes are abodes of sin, then we should not expect them to be felicitous. Your life will be wasted in this house; the children born in this house will be inauspicious. All of us should bear a tradition in mind, which tells us that: “ You see the stars twinkling in the sky. p: 80 Similarly the house where there is no thought of sin, where the inhabitants offer prayers, supplications, observe fasts; the angels see such houses as shining stars” . Another tradition says: “ A house in which dog is kept is not visited by the angels” . There are three meanings of this tradition: --- One meaning pertains to breeding of dogs at home as is done in the Western Cultures. These people will be grouped with Yazid on the Day of Reckoning because Yazid used to play with dogs and monkeys! --- In the second meaning is that ' house' refers to the hearts of men. If this heart has evil qualities, the light of the Lord cannot shine in it. It cannot be divinely inspired. The angels inspire man. Angels enter the hearts of those men who have cleansed their hearts, and do not raise dogs in their hearts – pride, jealousy, etc. This is the best interpretation of this tradition --- The third meaning of this tradition pertains to the subject of our discussion. A house where there is no goodwill, where the husband behaves with the wife like a wild animal, where there is constant strife amongst the inhabitants, is not visited by the angels. Angels do not visit the home of people who have the qualities of animals. Apparently this meaning is also correct. The logical meaning of the tradition fits more into the second and the third interpretation given above. If the angels don’ t visit our homes, if Allah’ s blessings are not bestowed upon us, then it p: 81 is a matter of concern for us. But it is more so for the innocent children who grow in such homes. Remaining on the right path for children raised in such homes is very difficult. The Holy Quran says that a home is a place for rest. A husband and wife are meant to provide comfort to each other. Homes where sins are committed, where Satan visits freely and where angels are shy of coming are not places of comfort. On the contrary unrest and hardships prevail there. The Holy Quran says: الظَّلِمِین الْقَوْمَ یهَْدِی لَا اللَّهُ وَ جَهَنَّمَ نَارِ فیِ بِهِ فَانهَْارَ هَارٍ جُرُفٍ شَفَا عَلیَ بُنْیَنَهُ أَسَّسَ مَّنْ أَم خَیرٌْ رِضْوَنٍ وَ اللَّهِ مِنَ تَقْوَی عَلیَ بُنْیَنَهُ أَسَّسَ فَمَنْ أَ Is he who founded his building upon duty to Allah and His good pleasure better, or he who founded his building on the brink of a crumbling, overhanging precipice so that it toppled with him into the fire of Hell? Allah guideth not wrongdoing folk( . Sura Tawbah, 9: 109) This verse says that if the walls and pillars of a house are strong, only then will the roof be permanent. On the contrary, if one builds a house on land that is prone to floods, it will be carried away by the flood The Holy Quran says that your life and home should be based on Taqwa ( piety). In such a home the inhabitants are regular at offering prayers; they recite the Holy Book, observe mandatory fasts, supplicate to Allah and abstain p: 82 from sin. The Holy Quran says: الْأَبْصَر وَ الْقُلُوبُ فِیهِ تَتَقَلَّبُ یَوْمًا یخََافُونَ ( ... Men) who fear a day when hearts and eyeballs will be overturned( . Sura An- Nur, 24: 37) A home in which the inhabitants have the fear of Allah is a strong home. The progeny coming out of such a home is always strong and firm. Spending time in such a home is auspicious. A house in which there is no fear of Allah, is according to the Quran, a house built on land that is frequented by floods. Whenever there is a flood, this house will be washed away into Hell. The people of such homes are bereft of the blessings and mercy of Allah. There is no felicity in such homes. Angels don' t visit these homes. Instead you will find anger, sadness, oppression, troubles and tribulation. If you need Allah' s succor, it is imperative that your homes be free of sins. They must be places where the inhabitants offer prayers. If you visit the mosque for offering the mandatory prayers in congregation, you must offer optional prayers at home. The Quran says that you should not be like the Jews and the Christians who restrict their prayers to the congregations at the Synagogue and the Church. Islam lays great stress on making your homes the places of prayer and supplication. Your homes should be the places of recitation of the Quran, offering of prayers, mutual help and affection.

2. Household Chores In Islam one of the most important aspects of worship is the p: 83 man and wife helping and serving each other. You are aware that martyrdom in the way of Allah is very blessed. We read in the traditions that a woman who serves her husband by cooking food, cleaning dishes, making his bed etc. will get reward from Allah equal to the reward of a martyr. Similarly traditions inform us that a man who helps his wife at home so that she is not inconvenienced and strives to provide sustenance to his wife and family will be eligible for reward equal to that of a martyr. Serving at home is a great worship. If you wish that your home remains an auspicious and a blessed place, that angels come to your house, if you want to live a blessed life, and above all this if you desire that noble children be turned over to the society from your house, it is imperative for you to maintain a strong relationship with Allah. One of the ways to achieve this is to maintain love and affection between the husband and wife. Lucky are the men who keep their wives contented and happy. Unfortunate is the lady whose husband is not pleased with her, Unfortunate are the couples who don' t live in peace. Birth of noble progeny in such homes is impossible! 3. The Effect Of Ill- Gotten Wealth If illegitimate income ( the income got from charging interest, taking bribes, cheating, etc) . comes to a family and the sustenance of the members is drawn from it, then be assured that angels don' t enter p: 84 such homes. Such homes are surrounded by fire. The angels in the Heavens see such homes as being engulfed with fire. The Holy Quran says that the angels pity the innocent children and women who are engulfed by fires in these unfortunate homes. سَعِیرًا سَیَصْلَوْنَ وَ نَارًا بُطُونِهِمْ فیِ یَأْکلُُونَ إِنَّمَا ظُلْمًا الْیَتَمَی أَمْوَلَ یَأْکُلُونَ الَّذِینَ إِنَّ Lo! Those who devour the wealth of orphans wrongfully, they do but swallow fire into their bellies, and they will be exposed to burning flame( . Sura an- Nisa’, 4: 10) Here the word " orphans" is used allegorically. The verse means that if a person consumes ill- gotten wealth, it is tantamount to consuming fire. Use of ill- gotten wealth is as forbidden as depriving an orphan of his rights. Imam Jafar al- Sadiq ( a. s) . says about this verse that those who don' t give Khums and Zakat and consume the wealth on which Khums and Zakat have not been paid, and consume the wealth which has been accumulated by bribery, interest, cheating, and gambling are eating fire! When food is laid on the table in a house where Khums and Zakat are not paid, a person blessed with the ability to see such things, can actually see the wife and children consuming fire. حَدِید الْیَوْمَ فَبَصَرُکَ غِطَاءَکَ عَنکَ فَکَشَفْنَا … Now we have removed from thee thy covering, and piercing is thy sight this day( . Sura Qaf, 50: 22) On the Day of Judgment the delicacies that you coveted so much, the ill- gotten wealth that you collected and consumed will turn into Hellfire! p: 85 In Hell this will be the recompense they will get. The women and children of such homes have to be pitied. It is impossible for the children of such homes to turn out felicitous. The very same women and children of this man will be his sworn enemy on the Day of Reckoning! They will catch him by the scruff of his neck and ask him" , O unjust person! Why did you feed us fire? Why did you not pay Khums? Why did you feed us your ill- gotten wealth? Because you fed us with wealth that was forbidden we turned towards sin instead of worship. You have deprived us of felicity by giving to us ill- gotten sustenance" ! It is mentioned in the traditions that on the Day of Judgment the most unfortunate person will be the one cursed by his family members although he toiled hard in the world to provide sustenance to his wife and children. They will plead with Allah" , He has fed us with wealth on which Khums was not paid and he fed us on the bribes he had taken forcibly. He made us hard- hearted! O Allah! Put him through a harsh accounting" ! مَّنثُورًا هَبَاءً فَجَعَلْنَهُ عَمَلٍ مِنْ عَمِلُواْ مَا إِلیَ قَدِمْنَا وَ And We shall turn unto the work they did and make it scattered motes( . Sura Al- Furqan, 25: 23) The Holy Quran says in this verse that there is a group of people who have been regular at prayers, had performed the Hajj and made pilgrimages to the p: 86 Holy places, shed tears during the meeting held to mourn the martyrdom of Imam Husayn ( a. s- ) . Imam Jafar al- Sadiq ( a. s) . says that these acts of worship are so luminous, that this worshipper will come in a white dress, shining like a lamp on the grounds of reckoning - but because he had consumed forbidden wealth and usurped the wealth of others, all his good deeds will be taken away from him and turned over to others. At this juncture others will laugh at him in ridicule and say“ , His wife and children have eaten his good deeds” The ill- gotten wealth was consumed by the wife and children in the world, now he is the one who has to answer for it. Now he has to turn over his good deeds to his wife and children and go into Hell, empty handed. Fulfilling the rights of other people is difficult. Beware and be assured that if forbidden wealth enters your house, then the mercy of Allah will surely depart, blessings will flee this house, love and affection departs from this house. A day comes when the very children for whom you toiled will on the Day of Qiyamah curse you and make you an inmate of Hell.

The Seventh Talk 1. Mutual Understanding At Home In the previous talk it was discussed that Islam strongly disapproves of dissensions and disagreements. Opposed to these, friendliness, affection, unity and brotherhood are given prime importance. These traits are considered sacred by Islam. The Holy Quran says that one very significant characteristic p: 87 of the inhabitants of Hell is that when they meet on the Day of Judgment, they will all be cursing each other. Each one will blame the other for making him hell- bound! The other will counter him with a similar argument. The Herald will announce that Allah' s retribution for both of them will be doubled! Firstly because they spoke ill of the believers in the world and then because they forced others to speak ill about themselves. The Holy Quran says: تَعْلَمُون لَّا لَکِن وَ ضِعْفٌ ٍّ لِکلُ قَالَ النَّارِ مِّنَ ضِعْفًا عَذَابًا فََاتهِِمْ أَضَلُّونَا هَؤُلَاءِ رَبَّنَا لِأُولَئهُمْ أُخْرَئهُمْ قَالَتْ جَمِیعًا فِیهَا ادَّارَکُواْ إِذَا حَتیَّ أُخْتهََا لَّعَنَتْ أُمَّةٌ دَخَلَتْ کلَُّمَا .... Every time a nation entereth, it curseth its sister ( nation) till, when they have all been made to follow one another thither, the last of them saith unto the first of them: Our Lord! These led us astray, so give them double torment of the Fire. He saith: For each one there is double ( torment) but ye know not( . Sura al-’ Araf, 7: 38) Alas! You are unaware. The sign of the inhabitants of the Hell, therefore, is that they will talk ill of each other and none of them is ready to accept his own fault. 2. Blaming Each Other Whenever a husband and wife are in disagreement, none of them wants to take the blame for any mistake. The husband says that the wife has been the cause of his troubles and the wife counters with a similar claim. The husband says that the children have gone astray p: 88 because of the wife' s shortcomings in their upbringing. A house where such criticizing and exchange of foul language, takes place is like hell. These people will come to know only when the curtains are raised! I would like to inform the ladies and the gentlemen that the world and the hereafter are the two sides of the same coin! The apparent side of the coin is the world and the hidden side is the hereafter. Whatever happens in this world, its reality will become evident and clear in the hereafter! If the fire of Hell comes upon us, it is the result of our own acts! أَیْدِیکُم قَدَّمَتْ بِمَا ذَلِکَ This is on account of that which your own hands have sent before( .... Sura Ali Imran, 3: 182) If we get the bounties of the Heaven like the houris, it is on account of our own good deeds. الخَْالِیَة الْأَیَّامِ فیِ أَسْلَفْتُمْ بِمَا هَنِیَا اشْرَبُواْ وَ کلُُواْ ( And it will be said unto those therein): Eat and drink at ease for that which ye sent on before you in past days( . Sura al- Haaqqah, 69: 24) On the Day of Reckoning the people will be addressed" , O those who have fasted during the auspicious days! These are the bounties that you have sent while you fasted. Eat, drink and enjoy yourself" ! If there is strife and difference of opinion in your house; when a man and wife quarrel; when a brother and sister argue and exchange harsh and foul language, when ( God forbid) a wife misbehaves p: 89 with her husband, when a husband uses foul language with his wife, what is obvious is that the husband and wife are bad- mouthing each other, but in reality this house is Hell. One day when he opens his eyes he realizes that his house is actually Hell. The bad deeds of the spouses have been converted into physical forms. The Holy Quran, in the verse quoted earlier ( al-’ Ara, 7f: 38) describes the importance of actions of people living in a place. If they have differences in their lives, they will exhibit differences in the hereafter too and blame each other. If there is usage of bad language and physical violence here, then in the hereafter too they will use of bad language and violence. What you sow here, is what you will reap there. If there is foul language in your house and the atmosphere of your house is cold, then it will result in Hell- fire there. Contrary to this the Holy Quran says about the inhabitants of the heaven thus: مَّوْضُونَةٍ سُررٍ عَلیَ مُتَقَبِلِین عَلَیهَْا ُمُّتَّکِِینَ On lined couches, Reclining therein - face to face( . Sura al- Waaqi' ah, 56: 15, 16) Those who have lived in their families amicably, doing good and pious deeds, will enjoy all the comforts in Heaven. تَأْثِیمًا لَا وَ لَغْوًا فِیهَا یَسْمَعُونَ لَا سَلَمًا سَلَمًا قِیلًا إِلَّا There hear they no vain speaking nor recrimination ( Naught) but the saying: Peace ( and again) Peace( ! Sura al- Waaqi' ah, 56: 25, 26) The inhabitants of Heaven will neither talk evil, nor hear evil. They will only greet each other pleasantly. They p: 90 will be grateful to each other, and each one will thank the other for getting them admitted to Heaven. This is the quality of the inhabitants of Heaven. If you want love and understanding to remain, then the husband must thank the wife, for example, for preparing tasty food, and then the wife smiles back saying that it was he who had brought such good grocery so that she could do justice to her culinary skills using them! If such an the environment prevails in the house, where the spouses are thankful to each other, where love and understanding prevails, where each one is ready to admit his fault, where each one is willing to excuse the other, such people will ultimately find themselves in Heaven.

3. Spirit Of Understanding At Home Brothers and sisters! Your actions should be such that you earn the bounties of Heaven in the hereafter! Appreciate and praise each other at home. Own up to your faults. It is generally experienced that men tend not to accept their failings. I ardently appeal to them that if ever they are angry, although getting angry is forbidden, they should apologise to the subject of the anger once the anger subsides! Accepting ones fault is a sign of maturity. The home should be a place of learning for us. The home is like a wonderful book that gives instruction, particularly to women, in the art of living and ethics. If, unfortunately, a man commits a mistake, and stubbornly refuses to own up to it, p: 91 the wife should discreetly try to mend the fences. She should not adopt an attitude of confrontation nor be proud ( the attitude of ' why should I mend fences'). Anger and pride both belong in Hell! If you wish to make your home heavenly, try to create an amicable and happy atmosphere there. If one of the couple, man or wife, is ready to strike a compromise over any dispute, the atmosphere returns to normalcy. At times like these, instead of saying' , it' s your fault' say ' it' s my fault'. If one person bears with a little patience the fight will dissolve. If you want the blessings of Heaven you have to have patience. Conflicts should not persist in homes, they should be gotten rid of immediately and should not last for even an hour. Man should uphold his dignity and the wife should be patient even if the husband, sometimes, is at fault! The Holy Quran says that such is a good wife! الله حَفِظَ بِمَا لِّلْغَیْبِ حَفِظَتٌ قَنِتَتٌ َالصَّلِحَتُ So good women are the obedient, guarding in secret that which Allah hath guarded( .... Sura an- Nisa’, 4: 34 There are two qualities of a good wife. One is that she is forbearing with her husband, even if he is wrong at times. The other quality is that she is chaste, whether she is alone or in company, whether her husband is present or is away. She is never without hijab even if she is in the presence of her husbands close relatives. p: 92 She is never without hijab in front of namahram, even if he is only her husband’ s brother. She is very careful about her hijab and gait when she goes out in public places. Whether at home or outside, she covers herself properly. In the eyes of the Holy Quran such is an ideal wife. Here I would like to draw the attention of women to the first part of the verse that stresses the point that good wives are obedient. Whenever there is a difference of opinion with the husband, the wife should discreetly avoid confrontation. Differences are bound to take place. Neither the husband nor the wife wants strife in the house. But if some differences crop up, the Quran wants one of the spouses, especially the wife, to step down and be patient with her husband, keeping quite so that the fire of dissension can die out. Pouring fuel on this fire in reality only increases the fire of the hereafter Allah exhorts in the Holy Quran that the believing people should fear the fire of Hell and save themselves and their families from the Hellfire. This fire will burn you and reduce you to ashes. The fuel of this fire will be humans and the stones! The people of faith should be scared of the inferno of Hell. The Holy Book warns that there should not be conflicts in the home. Such conflicts and differences will destroy your dignity and personality. God forbid that either the husband or p: 93 wife should ever resort to physical violence. If they do, then their dignity and respect cannot remain intact. We pity the women who don' t have love for their husbands. We pity the homes where there is no happiness. A woman with a dead heart cannot give a cheerful daughter or a prosperous son to the society! Similarly a morose man cannot be a useful member of the society nor can he earn a better hereafter for himself! As the saying goes, a severed hand might be of some use, but a broken heart is absolutely useless! Imam Musa ibn Jafar ( a. s) . says in one of the traditions: Beware of restlessness and laziness as both these traits are impediments for your life in this world and in the Hereafter! The Imam ( a. s) . has asked people to be active and abstain from laziness. The women should actively perform the chores at home. The men should avoid laziness and keep themselves busy in performing their duties. One should not be unhappy, because an unhappy person will not find benefit either in this world or in the Hereafter. It is very well known that a woman with a dead heart can neither run her home nor can she take care of her husband and the children. Similarly a dead- hearted man will be nothing more than a drone for the society at large. ْ رِیحُکمُ تَذْهَبَ وَ فَتَفْشَلُواْ تَنَزَعُواْ لَا وَ .... and dispute no one with another lest ye falter and your strength departs from you( .... Sura al- Anfal, 8: 46) We p: 94 should not fight amongst ourselves, or else we will have to face defeat and disappointment. Differences lead to the ebbing of your ability to face difficulties. A Muslim commands respect and has a personality. If one lakh Muslims were to be united, they could force not only America and Russia, but the whole world to spend sleepless nights. Then they would not be drawing up plans to make Muslims their servants. A person who has a foul tongue should not think that he is harming his wife in any manner by abusing her. In fact, he is harming himself; it is his tongue that is dirty. The first harm is that when he uses foul language, it destroys his own character. His dirty tongue stains his own character. Similarly, a wife who verbally abuses her spouse is harming herself rather than causing any insult to him. The biggest harm is that the husband stops loving her. The woman who doesn' t have her husband' s love and affection, and a man who has lost his character should seriously ponder over the verse of the Holy Quran quoted here. Dissensions and differences in a family are as bad for the inhabitants as being placed in the deepest pit of the Hell. Here there is no pit of Hell, so imagine yourself perched on a stone atop a tall mountain, with the valley below full of raging fire. Dissension is like the stone you are sitting on falling into the valley below. The Holy p: 95 Quran says that one of the most valuable bounties of Allah is the instinct of love and affection. The Holy Book is doing a favor to us when it says: تهَْتَدُون ْ لَعَلَّکمُ ءَایَتِهِ لَکُمْ اللَّهُ ُّ یُبَینِ کَذَلِکَ مِّنهَْا فَأَنقَذَکُم النَّارِ مِّنَ حُفْرَةٍ شَفَا عَلیَ کُنتُمْ وَ إِخْوَنًا بِنِعْمَتِهِ فَأَصْبَحْتُم قُلُوبِکُمْ َ بَینْ فَأَلَّفَ أَعْدَاءً کُنتُمْ إِذْ عَلَیْکُمْ اللَّهِ نِعْمَتَ اذْکُرُواْ وَ تَفَرَّقُواْ لَا وَ جَمِیعًا اللَّهِ بحَِبْلِ اعْتَصِمُواْ وَ And hold fast, all of you together, to the cable of Allah, and do not separate. And remember Allah' s favor unto you: how ye were enemies and He made friendship between your hearts so that ye became as brothers by His grace; and ( how) ye were upon the brink of an abyss of fire, and he did save you from it. Thus Allah maketh clear His revelations unto you, that haply ye may be guided( . Sura Ali Imran, 3: 103) At the outset, the Holy Quran says that Muslims should, together, firmly hold Allah' s Rope and remain united. Be brothers to one other. Then it reminds us of the times when they had not embraced Islam and were inimical towards each other. What a great blessing Allah has bestowed on them that they are now united under one banner. The Muslims are also reminded of the time when they were at the brink of the fiery valley of Hell. Allah has saved them from that eventuality. Although this verse is addressing the early Muslims, it is relevant for all times. It is also relevant to p: 96 our present discussion. The husband and wife who have love and affection for each other should be thankful to Allah. They must pray to Allah that the atmosphere of love remains forever in their homes. The husband should always be thankful to his wife and pray that the spring of love always flows in their house. The wife should appreciate his love and affection. Even if both of them thank Allah day and night, it will not be enough thanks for this blessing. Our discussion now proves that a woman who is shrewish by nature and an ill- tempered husband who persist with differences in their lives literally bring themselves to the brink of the fiery valley of the Hell. Now all that is required to land them in Hell is for them to topple over. A person fell down from a height and died from the fall. An acquaintance of his saw him in a dream. The dead person told his friend“ , Neither is there a Munkar nor any Nakeer nor any pressure ( Fishaar) of the grave! I fell straight from the world into the center of the Hellfire! Dear audience! Everything in this world is transient! Only two things will remain for ever. They are the spirit of service and forbearance! These are the traits that make a person radiant! Such persons will have radiant faces ( like the full moon) when they are resurrected on the Day of Reckoning. Their faces will be so radiant that they will attract the attention p: 97 of the others present in the Grounds of Reckoning!! The second thing that is permanent is the bounties of Heaven and the retributions of Hell! The world will cease to be. Differences amongst us have got so deep rooted that the youth are worse than the aged, the educated are worse than the uneducated, the trader is worse than the laborer. We notice in our society that there are physicians who are highly respected for their practice, and who exhibit good ethics ( akhlaq) in the society, but when we open the hearts of their wives we find a flowing river of blood on account of the doctor, inspite of his education. We find women who are forward thinking, highly respectable in the society, mix well with other women, but at home we examine the hearts of their husbands we find the poor man imprisoned by the witch that is his wife. It is true that the society is the mirror of the thoughts of its people. To illustrate my point, I shall mention here a very good example: It is said that during a sermon the speaker asked" , Those men who are not happy with their wives may please stand up" ! Except one person, the entire audience stood up. The speaker said, “ I thank Allah that at least one person in this audience is happy with his wife" ! That person, who was sitting, called out“ , You are not correct! I am unable to stand up because my wife has broken one p: 98 of my legs! I am unable to stand up" ! Our societies are definitely such that it is difficult to find a man who is pleased with his wife and vice versa. It is mentioned in the traditions that if differences spring up between two Muslims, or between husband and wife, it is imperative they should try to patch up the matters the very same day! The general practice is, that the younger of the two should apologise to the other. This may also mean that the wife should apologise, even if the husband was at fault. The traditions further say that if the matters are not sorted out the same day, then definitely a truce must be struck the very next day. If the younger party is still adamant, then the elder should go and apologise! Then no rancor should persist between the two, although both have done wrong by lashing each other verbally. Still they should let go of what happened and not harbor ill feeling towards each other. If the parties are unable to patch up on the second day, it is obligatory that they come to terms on the third day. The late Kulaini has recorded more than ten traditions on the subject. Allama Majlisi has narrated more than thirty traditions pertaining to this subject. The Imams ( a. s) . have said that if the parties don' t make a truce even after three days, they will not remain Muslims! Even if we don' t have any care for our children and p: 99 the world, we must, at least care for the commandments of the Imams ( a. s) . in the matter i. e. we must care for Islam. Differences should be nipped in the bud. Why are there so many differences between us? If a husband is faced with economic difficulties in his work what fault is it of his wife that he should take it out on his hapless wife. Similarly, if the husband is not measuring up to the expectations of the wife, despite his best of efforts, she should not nag him for his failings. Place yourself in his shoes and judge whether you can afford that expensive necklace or dress. If you cannot afford it, why do you fight with him, abuse him and wail about it. In the name of Allah, when you decide on the dowry for the daughter, consult each other and come to an understanding. Think how you can lighten the burden instead of abusing each other. If you claim the dowry forcefully, the marriage can never

prosper.

The Eighth Talk 

1. Cultivating The Habit Of Sin The things that become the cause of departure of Allah' s blessings from a person or a household are the sins that are perpetrated within in. There are many types of sins. Sins are categorized into major and minor. But this categorization is not the subject of discussion here. Sins are also categorized into ' permanent' and ' temporary' sins. Sometimes a person commits a sin, for example, he tells a lie. This is a forbidden act and he must repent p: 100 and make efforts not to repeat it. On repenting, it goes into the category of temporary sins. But if the person becomes a compulsive liar and keeps telling lies again and again, he renders himself a permanent sinner. If a person always talks ill of others, regularly gossips, is always finding faults in others and is a habitual oppressor – this type of sinning is so dangerous that the Holy Quran says: یَسْتَهْزِءُون بهَِا کاَنُواْ وَ اللَّهِ بَِایَتِ کَذَّبُواْ أَن السُّوأَی أَسَُواْ الَّذِینَ عَقِبَةَ کاَنَ ثُمَّ Then evil was the consequence to those who dealt in evil because they denied the revelations of Allah and made a mock of them( . Sura ar- Rum, 30: 10) Those who commit sins as a habit must beware and forsake this habit. These sinners come to such a pass that they start ridiculing the Ulama, the minbar and the mehrab! They even start denying the verses of the Holy Book! Imam Jafar al- Sadiq ( a. s) . says that when a person commits a sin, a black spot appears in his heart. If the person repents, this black spot disappears. But if he continues sinning, unrepentant, then the black spot starts spreading, and the darkness of sins surrounds the whole heart, which can never be rectified. As good Muslims we must all try to refrain from sinning. Due to our fallible nature, if we commit a sin then immediate repentance is the only remedy, along with the determination not to repeat the act again. There is another category of sins: When p: 101 a man commits sins, he should realize that he is committing a great wrong. For example when a man looks at a namahram female, he should experience an uneasiness within himself. If he tells a lie or backbites, he should also realize that he is committing a great wrong. Sometimes this realization that he is committing a great offense also goes away. This happens when a person sins repeatedly. When a person commits sins again and again, the instinct that reminds him that he is sinning becomes dormant thus rendering him a perpetual sinner. When this feeling is lost, it is worst than repeating sins, because at this stage the chances of repentance and reform remain very slim. 2. Abandoning The Veil Is A Moral Exhibitionism Once at a marriage party a lady came dressed improperly. She knew that this was a wrong thing to do. Later, if she regrets her action, repents cries out to her Lord, and tries to mend her ways, then it is good. But if she continues with this improper style of dressing, it will, slowly, become her habit. In all respects she is a decent person. It upsets her to even hear about sexual deviations. If she hears that someone has committed adultery, she criticizes them and acknowledges it as a great wrong. But this improperly dressed lady herself is committing a greater offence. When she applies makeup, wears sleeveless blouses and transparent stockings, and then goes to shops, without hijab, talks and laughs, her act is worse than committing adultery. The p: 102 reason for this is she has been shameless, which is a sin bigger than adultery itself. The Holy Quran says: الاَْخِرَة وَ الدُّنْیَا فیِ أَلِیمٌ عَذَابٌ لهَُمْ ءَامَنُواْ الَّذِینَ فیِ الْفَحِشَةُ تَشِیعَ أَن یحُِبُّونَ الَّذِینَ إِنَّ Lo! Those who love that slander should be spread concerning those who believe, theirs will be a painful punishment in the world and the Hereafter( ... Sura An- Nur, 24: 19) Those who adopt such shameless and uncouth ways and promote such habits, for example, a youth taking pleasure in staring at namahram young girls, or a repair- man on a house visit, talks to the ladies of the house, who in turn joke and laugh with him. The Quran says that such shameless friendliness invites double punishment. This is sin more serious than committing adultery. The Holy Quran says in this regard: أَثَامًا یَلْقَ ذَلِکَ یَفْعَلْ مَن وَ ..... and whoso doth this shall pay the penalty( . Sura al- Furqan, 25: 68) A person who presents himself for adultery, or does the act, will, in both situations, qualify himself to go to the Hell, and remain there permanently. He will not only go to the Hell but will get the most horrible treatment therein. It is said in the traditions that the person who offers himself for adultery, or perpetrates the act in this world will have such stench emanating from his private part that the other inhabitants of the Hell will get disturbed. But the sin of shamelessness is an even bigger sin. Women who don' t cover their heads in p: 103 public, wear half- sleeve blouses, transparent stockings and then walk in the streets in full view of namahram men, or travel by public transport tempt others to emulate them. These women not only adopt sinful ways, but set a bad example for others to follow. She goes shopping and the shopkeeper instead of advising her appropriately, talks to her. Sometimes we find that a woman is chaste and upright, but she does not realize the gravity of her sin. Coming in front of namahram and talking to them is something very normal for her. She converses freely with her husband' s elder and younger brothers, she exposes her arms and hair in their presence. She must mend her ways and express repentance over such acts of the past. What is very regrettable is that we become oblivious of the fact that we have adopted sinful ways. We even fail to realize that we are doing something wrong. I very fervently appeal to the ladies that they should avoid unnecessarily going to the bazaar and the malls. If they have to go out, then they should be properly dressed and covered. Amir al Mu’ minin ( a. s) . says that a time will come for the followers of the Prophet ( s) that women will wear transparent stockings and roam about on the streets. He further said that when such things happen, it will be the period of intrigue and turmoil. Such women will be consigned to Hell, where they will remain for eternity. They will face p: 104 retribution there for thousands of years. The women, therefore, should take special care of their dress. If they wish to wear flimsy stockings, they should fold them twice to ensure that their limbs are not exposed to strange eyes. If the sleeves of their blouse are short, they should ensure to change into a proper garment while going out or else cover their arms properly. When a lady goes to a shop, and pays the shopkeeper, she should not forget that she is a namahram for him. If she has to talk to the shopkeeper she should not prolong the conversation, but keep it to the point. 3. The Second Trait A second, and positive, trait of a good lady is that she remains aloof in the presence of namahram males. When she talks to them, she gives short answers. Laughing and joking in front of namahram is a sin. The late Kulaini writes a back- breaking narrative in al- Kaafi that Imam Jafar al- Sadiq ( a. s) . said if a woman narrates a lewd joke to a strange man, as a retribution for the act, she will be consigned to the Hell for one hundred years! Businessmen should be careful. If their wealth that comes from such sources is spent in their home, their homes cannot be blessed abodes. 4. To Make Excuses For Sin A person commits a sin, accepts that he has sinned, but then tries to condone it by making some excuse. This is a very dangerous situation. Some women expose their faces in public places and wear improper dresses and then p: 105 condone it by saying this is progressiveness and liberation. In the name of modernity, some people converse freely and joke with namahram women and backbite. Some men create dissensions in the society through gossip and falsehood terming it as political expedient. Such irresponsible acts fall in the category of gheebah ( backbiting) and will attract acute retribution. Therefore I appeal to you that there should be no sins in your life. A sin whether big or small brings about degradation for man. The second appeal I make to you is that dread of sinning should never leave your heart. Even after due care, if one commits a sin, he should not try to condone it. If the fear of sin is not there in the heart of a person and he falls into the habit of making excuses for and condoning such acts, then he can never be repentant in his life. He renders himself a compulsive sinner. Such persons can never hope to get the intercession of the Ahl al Bayt on the Day of Judgment! I would like to draw the attention to another thing that is seen in every household. It is to be found amongst the businessmen as well as the laborers, the educated and the illiterate, the revolutionary and the non- revolutionary. The dread of this sin has left our hearts and we even make excuses for it. Even if we shed tears of blood over this problem it will not be enough of repentance. This is p: 106 the bad habit of backbiting and slandering. Similarly people indulge in sins like listening to music and songs; seeing passionate videos and pornographic films etc. one can only pity the homes where there is music and lewd things. It is not I who is using this word pity but it is the word used by Imam Jafar al Sadiq ( a. s). . A person came to the Imam ( a. s) . and said“ , O son of the Prophet ( s)! There is no music in my house, or dance! But my neighbor has employed a dancing girl who dances and sings. When I go to my toilet, I listen to her singing for a while! What effect it will have on me" ? The Imam ( a. s) . replied“ , Pity on you! Go and have a ghusl ( bath) of repentance! Offer a prayer and then repent" Then Imam Jafar al- Sadiq ( a. s) . added" , Music and dance is not compatible with our Shia households" ! Definitely amoral films, music and dance are not compatible with our households! The children, who are raised in homes where these things are common, can only be pitied! As said by the Prophet ( s) Satans live in such homes and these are devoid of Allah' s blessings and the presence of the angels!

5. Backbiting And Slander I am mentioning two things with a lot of regret. There are very few homes where backbiting and slander, spreading of rumors and lies don' t exist. These are major sins. The consequences of these habits, according to the Holy Quran, are very serious. لُّمَزَة هُمَزَةٍ ِ لِّکُلّ وَیْلٌ Woe p: 107 to every scandal- monger and slanderer( . Sura Humaza, 104: 1) Woe be to the person who searches for faults of people in front of them. For example, a wife has prepared the food that the husband has not liked. In such an event, he starts ridiculing the wife. Or when a husband buys something and brings it home and the wife doesn' t approve of it, she starts criticizing it severely. The Holy Quran disapproves of such persons. They should know that they will be consigned to the Hell where not only their skins, but their very bones will burn! The same goes for gheebah. Backbiting is tantamount to eating a mu' min brother’ s flesh. Do not backbite. Backbiting is like eating the flesh of dead animals. There can be no felicity, no piety and no mercy of Allah in homes where carrion is eaten and where dogs are raised. There is a tradition quoted from Imam Husayn ( a. s) . which is also quoted in Tohaf al Uqool from Imam Zain al Abedeen ( a. s): . Backbiting is the food of the dogs of Hell The meaning of this saying of the Imam ( a. s) . is that a person, who backbites again and again, becomes a habitual backbiter. The backbiter goes to the Hell in the form of a dog. When these dogs become hungry, according to Imam Husayn ( a. s) . and Imam Sajjad ( a. s, ) . they are fed with the backbiting they had done in the world in the form of rotten, foul smelling, putrefied fleash! It is a pity, that p: 108 in most of our homes, people indulge in backbiting. Which is the home where people don' t ridicule their friends behind their backs?! O ladies! Don' t be harsh while dealing with your children. Be especially mindful about respecting the children. If, their feelings are hurt and they start speaking ill of you behind your back, the fear of the sin of gheebah will leave their hearts, and they will fall into the habit of sinning. Then, they forget the norms of decency and turn into beasts. Slander is falsely attributing something to a person, behind his back. The difference between backbiting and slander is that in the case of the former, one takes pleasure in recounting the person' s failing behind his back. In the case of the latter, the slanderer concocts false stories about the person in his absence. It is observed in our society that when a person is backbiting, and someone forbids him to do so, the backbiter retorts that the person about whom he is backbiting does in fact have this shortcoming. This is a satanic talk. If a person does indeed have the fault about which you are talking in his absence, it is backbiting. If you backbite you will be turned into a dog. If there is no fault in a person that you attribute to him, then it is downright slander. Do you know about the retribution for these sins? الْکَذِبُون هُمُ أُوْلَئکَ وَ اللَّهِ بَِایَتِ یُؤْمِنُونَ لَا الَّذِینَ الْکَذِبَ یَفْترَِی إِنَّمَا Only they invent falsehoods who believe p: 109 not Allah' s revelations, and ( only) they are the liars( . Sura al Nahl, 16: 105) The Holy Quran asserts that those who blame each other falsely are not Muslims. They are downright liars. Imam Jafar al- Sadiq ( a. s) . says that those who practice slander will be stationed in putrid pools of their own blood. They will stand in there for fifty thousand years, till everyone has given their accounts. Then in a state of humiliation, these people will be taken to Hell. I regret to say here, that most of our homes are the abodes of slanderers. The angels see your house in its true form. You cannot see it, but they can see that your house is full of filth and blood. With our limited vision we are unable to see this awful state of affairs! The angels don’ t even want to look at your home, because your house is overflowing with blood. When did this happen? When the inhabitants of the house did not repent to undo the damage. The filth and blood of Qiyamah is prepared in this world. When you were backbiting in the world, it gave rise to this filth. On the day of Qiyamah you will have to stand on this very filth. The vision of people will be very sharp on the Day of Judgment. They will be able to clearly see the filth and gore surrounding them! We should take utmost care to see that we don' t attribute anything to a person without making sure of p: 110 the truth in the matter. Is there anyone in our midst who can say with confidence that he neither listens to any talk about any person without positive proof nor does he say anything about a person unless he is sure of the veracity of what he says! We are such people that even while fasting we indulge in slanderous gossip! Even if we shed tears of blood over this heinous habit, it won' t be sufficient! The Holy Quran says: Pity the person who spreads false rumours. Pay attention to this sin, it is indeed a great sin. The Quran says: عَظِیم اللَّهِ عِندَ هُوَ وَ هَیِّنًا تحَْسَبُونَهُ وَ عِلْمٌ بِهِ لَکُم لَیْسَ مَّا بِأَفْوَاهِکمُ تَقُولُونَ وَ ْ بِأَلْسِنَتِکمُ تَلَقَّوْنَهُ إِذْ When you received it with your tongues and spoke with your mouths what you had no knowledge of, and you deemed it an easy matter while with Allah it was grevious( . Sura An- Nur, 24: 15) The Quran says that what you speak, and has become a habit for you, is considered an easy matter and you attach no importance to it, but remember that Allah attaches great importance to it. مَسُْولا عَنْهُ کاَنَ أُوْلَئکَ ُّ کلُ الْفُؤَادَ وَ الْبَصَرَ وَ السَّمْعَ إِنَّ عِلْمٌ بِهِ لَکَ لَیْسَ مَا تَقْفُ لَا وَ And pursue thou not that which thou hast not the knowledge of: Verily, the hearing and the sight and the heart, all of these shall be questioned about it( . Sura al-’ Isra’, 17: 36) Don' t go after things about which you don' t have absolute knowledge. Allah p: 111 will question your hearts, eyes and ears about what you thought, heard and saw. The Quran tells us not to follow doubts. When you hear about something accept it only in the presence of proof. If you want to say something you must not say it unless you have evidence, failing which, be assured that your heart, your tongue, your ears will give evidence against you. یَکْسِبُون کاَنُواْ بِمَا أَرْجُلُهُم تَشهَْدُ وَ أَیْدِیهِمْ تُکلَِّمُنَا وَ أَفْوَهِهِمْ عَلیَ نخَْتِمُ الْیَوْمَ This Day We seal up mouths, and hands speak out and feet bear witness as to what they used to earn( . Sura Ya Sin, 36: 65) On the Day of Judgment a seal will be put on the mouths. The ears and the tongues of people will bear witness against them for their misdeeds, and say that they had heard gheebah, they had uttered and accepted slander and they used to spread false rumours. Think about what you are doing in this world. The husbands have to be truthful with their wives and the wives too should be honest with the husbands. One should never resort to lies. If the chain of lies takes root in a house, then angels will abandon the place. Angels don’ t enter such houses instead they curse them. It is narrated in the traditions that if a person utters one falsehood, immediately a foul smell emanates from his mouth and goes towards the Firmament and the angels start cursing him. Wives should never utter a lie to their husbands p: 112 and similarly the husbands should always tell the truth to the wives. More important is that they should never resort to lying in front of the impressionable children. If parents make any promise to the children, they should ensure its fulfillment. Do not make false promises to the children. If you want to be a real Muslim, you should be truthful. Pity on the home where there exists hypocrisy, where the husband lies to his wife, and the wife lies to the husband. This house gives out a stench like that of a garbage dump. When the angels look at such homes, they curse these homes, they curse these couples and say: You are Muslims and yet you lie? The Holy Quran says that Muslims must refrain from two things. One is that they should avoid idol worship and the second is to avoid telling lies. This means that the Holy Book places the heinous acts of idol worship on par with lying! Despite this, lying and falsehood is rampant in our homes! Our society is engulfed with this curse. A settlement where people are habitual liars sends out a foul stench towards the firmament and the angels curse such a place!

The Ninth Talk 1. Formation of a Household Today' s discussion is concerning the formation of the family and the importance that Islam gives to it. This is a very useful topic for discussion and I do hope that we shall be able to discuss several issues concerning our society. Formation of families gives tremendous advantages p: 113 to people and the satisfaction of the sexual instinct becomes insignificant when compared to the benefits that are concomitant with the formation of the family structure. In the previous talk we have stressed the point that suppressing the sexual instinct is not right from the Islamic point of view. Satisfying the sex instinct is absolutely necessary and the benefits accruing to the family from this are very distinct. The first step for the formation of a family is to respond positively to the urge of nature because man and woman are absolutely necessary for each other. The progeny emanates from the mating of man and wife. When the human beings first set foot on the world, one woman was chosen for one man and they parented a few offspring. The first example of a human couple has been Adam ( a. s) . and his wife Hawwa. If the family can give virtuous offspring to the society, then, in the eyes of Islam, there is, probably, nothing more blessed and rewarding than this act. A verse from the Holy Quran stresses on the great value of human life: جَمِیعًا النَّاسَ أَحْیَا فَکَأَنَّمَا أَحْیَاهَا مَنْ وَ جَمِیعًا النَّاسَ قَتَلَ فَکَأَنَّمَا الْأَرْضِ فیِ فَسَادٍ أَوْ نَفْسٍ بِغَیرِْ نَفْسَا قَتَلَ مَن ..... whosoever killeth a human being for other than man- slaughter or corruption in the earth, it shall be as if he had killed all mankind, and whoso saveth the life of one, it shall be as if he had saved the life of all mankind( . Sura al Maidah, 5: p: 114 32) What we have mentioned here is the apparent meaning of the Verse. Imam Jafar al- Sadiq ( a. s) . has given another, finer ( lateef, ) meaning to the verse. He says that if a person misguides a person from the right path, his sin is as severe as if he has massacred the entire population of the world. Similarly, if a person guides another person to the right path, saves him from going astray and turns him into a pious and truthful person, then the act will be equivalent to giving life to the entire population of the world. Imam Jafar al- Sadiq ( a. s) . says“ , Beware! Don' t lead men astray with your talk. In your homes you should not implant in the minds of the children, distorted notions about the Faith, the scholars, the prayer niche and the pulpit. If you let this happen, it will be tantamount to massacring the entire population of the world. You should always use your tongue, your pen, your manners and behavior to bring people to the right path to the best of your ability. If you do this, it will be equivalent to giving life to the entire population of the world" ! The interpretation of the verse given by Imam Jafar al Sadiq ( a. s) . highlights another meaning of the verse. If a husband and wife train pious offspring for the society, the reward will not only be equivalent to making a mosque or a school, nor equivalent to giving life to one or two persons, but it will be p: 115 equal to giving life to the entire population of the world! The recompense for giving noble and pious offspring to the society is more than that for any other pious act. This is possible only if the family is established on the right path! There are several traditions of the Prophet of Islam ( s) and the infallible Imams on the subject. When a person dies, his actions are terminated and he will not earn any further benefits on account of his actions. But a person who has left behind Baqiyatus Salehat ( pious assets, ) will continue to get more and more rewards. Pious and truthful offspring are included in the Baqiyatus Salehat of a person. When a person leaves behind a pious son or a daughter, and they offer prayers, recite the Holy Quran and perform other pious deeds, then the parents will share the rewards that the children earn! When a son or daughter earns reward for a good deed, an equivalent reward will be allocated for the dead parents too. The good deeds of such parents will not stop with their death! One tradition that is very popular with both Sunni and Shia scholars is quoted by Sheikh Saduq ( a. r) . in his book, Sawaab al Aamaal: ' If a person leaves behind Baqiyatus Salehat in the world like building a mosque, establishing a school, building a bridge or any other constructive activity, he will get rewards. But a better Baqiyatus Salehat is a person leaving behind pious and noble offspring in the p: 116 society. In addition when the child performs any good deed, one reward is for the child himself, another is for his father and a third reward is given to his mother' . There are umpteen traditions of this nature. Therefore people should strive to form families of a pious and noble character, so that good offspring can be turned over to the society. This is the demand of Islam, which is a faith that conforms with nature! But the enemies of humanity have, from times immemorial, perpetrated such activities that hamper the growth of pious and noble generations in the human race. The Quran says about them: mufsid fil ardh - their work is to spread mischief on the face of the earth الْخِصَام أَلَدُّ هُوَ وَ قَلْبِهِ فیِ مَا عَلیَ اللَّهَ یُشْهِدُ وَ الدُّنْیَا الْحَیَوةِ فیِ قَوْلُهُ یُعْجِبُکَ مَن النَّاسِ مِنَ وَ And among the people is he whose conversation on the life of this world pleases you and he calls Allah to witness as to that which is in his heart; yet he is the most rigid of opponents. ( Sura al Baqarah, 2: 204) This verse means that some people make sweet talks and win the hearts of the people till they form their own school of thought. Some examples of such persons are Marx, Freud, Nietze etc. They write books, and establish their schools of thought which then take root in the East and the West. But Allah knows what is in their hearts. The Holy Quran says that such men are p: 117 the worst enemies of humanity. The Quran doesn' t say that such men are enemies only of Islam. It says huwa ' aladdul- khisaam which means that they are the enemies of the human race! The Holy Quran enumerates one of their characteristics that if they are unable to usurp power, then they create discord in the minds of the people. But if they are able to attain power, then: الْفَسَاد یحُِبُّ لَا اللَّهُ وَ النَّسْلَ وَ الْحَرْثَ یُهْلِکَ وَ فِیهَا لِیُفْسِدَ الْأَرْضِ فیِ سَعَی تَوَلیَ إِذَا وَ And when he turneth away ( from thee) his effort in the land is to make mischief therein and to destroy the crops and the cattle; and Allah loveth not mischief( . Sura al Baqarah, 2: 205) When they attain power, they misguide people. They loot assets and destroy entire generations. The same thing happened with Iran after the Revolution. The American bred dog attacked hapless populations in the villages and perpetrated general massacre. He not only destroyed the buildings and mosques, but also uprooted the trees and destroyed crops. Quran says, yuhlikal harsa wan- nasl, meaning that when aggressors like Saddam get power, they lead the people astray or massacre people. Their aim is always to destroy the habitations. Another meaning of the verse is that those who are the enemies of humanity try to mislead the young generations. They entice women to discard their hijab. In the name of progress they introduce forbidden habits in the society. They misguide men into forbidden ways. They make people engrossed in serving p: 118 their selfish ends and satisfying their base desires, and thus the present generation is destroyed. This way they ensure that not only the present generation is ruined but the future generations, too, are destroyed. This is the reason that they work more in the schools, colleges and the universities. They try to keep the children away from the pulpit and the mosque. If they don' t succeed with their foul motives on the present generation, they turn their attention to ruining the future generations. Russel is a well known British philosopher. The world recognizes him as a philosopher of high caliber. He very foolishly thought it unnecessary to have a family. Even the Pharoah was of the same opinion. But the Quran says الْمُفْسِدِین مِنَ کاَنَ إِنَّهُ نِسَاءَهُمْ یَسْتَحْیِ وَ أَبْنَاءَهُمْ یُذَبِّحُ مِّنهُْمْ طَائفَةً یَسْتَضْعِفُ شِیَعًا أَهْلَهَا جَعَلَ وَ الْأَرْضِ فیِ عَلَا فِرْعَوْنَ إِنَّ Lo! Pharaoh exalted himself in the earth and made its people castes. A tribe among them he oppressed, killing their sons and sparing their women. Lo! he was of those who work corruption( . Sura al Qasas, 28: 4) Pharaoh was an evil person. He created major problems for the Bani Israel when he established power over them. First he created differences amongst the people, and thus ensured his own success. Generally all the commentators of the Holy Quran interpret the words, yudhabbihu ' abnaaa-' ahum, to mean that he arranged killing of all new- born males to ensure that Prophet Musa ( a. s) . was prevented from coming in the world! He left the new- born p: 119 females of the tribe unharmed. But some researchers interpret the verse saying that Pharaoh did this to demoralize men and make the women shameless and hand them over to the society as play- things! One act of Pharaoh was to destroy the future generations of Bani Israel. His plan was to make the women totally shameless. Pity on the society in which women render themselves shameless! We read in the traditions that haya ( shame) or bashfulness is divided into ten parts. Nine are for women and only one for men. It is a shame for a society where all the nine parts of modesty in women disappear. That is the stage when a woman wears perfume and comes out in public, scantily dressed. So shameless does she become that she exposes her face and bares her bosom. In this condition she moves about in the bazaar or goes to a shop, talking and laughing with namahrams. Shame on such a society and more shame on such women! Pharaoh was enforcing these shameful things to strengthen his hold over the tribe of Bani Israel and to weaken their future generation. Today' s exploiters too have similar plans to destroy the coming generations. 2. Modesty And Bashfulness When these people succeed in their nefarious schemes, they destroy modesty and bashfulness in women. They involve the women in sensual acts and destroy the manliness of men. A father sees namahram males eyeing his daughter sensually, but it does not affect him. Men see their wives, daughters and sisters going to the p: 120 market in see- through dresses, without hijab, they know that their women have dressed up for others. When a society comes to this pass, we should offer a silent prayer for it! You might wonder why the autocratic Reza Shah and the king of Turkey ordered general massacres. They did this to succeed in rendering women immodest through their tyrannical force! Whenever Reza Khan came to any meetings, he used to say that he personally did not want the women to come out of the veil, but that they were themselves insisting on this change in their lifestyle! He said that the only thing he wanted was that the women should not wear the chador. When Reza Shah had gone to Isfahan, the elders had gone to meet him with a request. He told them that the women could be in hijab, only they should not wear the chador ( full body covering). The Westerners knew it well that if women don' t wear the chador, there will be no stopping them; they will spiral towards complete immodesty! And, unfortunately, we saw that women reached the stage where they were seen moving semi- naked on the streets. In addition, they were proud of their immodest behavior! Reza Shah and the king of Turkey wanted to make Iran and Turkey “ liberated” and immodest in this manner. Whether it is the Pharaoh, or the foreigners, Haman or America, they all aim to misguide the future generations and promote immodesty. Therefore it is binding on Muslims that they implicitly follow the commandments of Islam, otherwise they will be dragged towards evil. Pharoh planned to make men weak and the women immodest. He used to start with the girls when they were still small, so that they grew up to be immodest women, and men feel no compunction. When a society is reduced to this state, then it becomes very easy to dominate and overpower the people. When you see the Quran and traditions stressing on the formation of the family, do not be surprised. Only a pious generation can truly bring about sound progress. Only a virtuous generation can make scientific progress to the extent that others envy them. Islam calls on us to look after our children so that we can turn over a virtuous son and a modest daughter over to the society. The reward for doing so is more than constructing a mosque, or visiting the Kaaba or any other worship. If a person does a lot of good deeds and another gives two virtuous children to the society which deed is better? According to Islam handing over virtuous children to the society is better. Hence I congratulate the ladies who stay within the four walls of the house, and raise virtuous children. These ladies are like the mujahideen ( soldiers) who are fighting the enemy on the frontline. In addition their house is also like a school. They are rewarded so much, as if they have given life to the whole world.

3. Giving Virtuous Progeny To The Society Islam wants p: 122 men and women to pay attention to certain things. A wife and husband, while in the act of copulation, should not think of others. For example, the man thinking of some other woman or the wife, may Allah forbid, thinking of some other man at that time. If a child born out of such mating turns out to be an adulterer when he grows up, it is the parents who should be blamed and not the child. Islam is so particular about the upbringing of the child that it forbids the parents to display sexual behavior even if the child is still in the cradle! They must go to another room to fulfill their urge, if they desire to do so. It is mandated that during copulation no third person should hear even the breathing of the couple. They should exercise care that no third person sees their faces or the bodies during their conjugal act. Islam forbids its followers looking at namahram persons. All these commandments are to protect the future generations from going astray. The person who stares at namahram or the trader who looks at namahrams cannot give virtuous progeny to the society. Try and become modest. Islam has warns you against immodesty! Islam has warned of grave danger for a lady who doesn' t mind looking at and dealing with a namahram. The day a child is born, Islam says that the adhaan is to be recited in its right ear and the Iqamah in the left p: 123 ear. If you wish the child to be a good Shia, put a little soil from the graveside of Abi Abdallah al Husayn ( a. s) . near his lips prior to feeding the mother' s milk. Feed the child mother' s milk. Mother' s milk is most important for the baby' s health and welfare. However the milk should be one that is from Halal sustenance. The Prophet of Islam ( s) used to say: If the child becomes foul mouthed, the sin will go into the nama- e- Aamaal ( the Account of Deeds) of the parent, as well as that of the child because he is the one who has used abusive and foul language. This will go in to the accounts of the father and the mother, even if they are dead and gone( ! Bihar al- Anwar, Vol 1, page 71) A person who has given immodest progeny to the society, the traditions mention, will get retribution for the sins of the offspring in addition to the retribution of the perpetrator of the sins himself. A lady told me once that whenever she wanted to fight with her husband, she used to leave her children with their maternal grand- parents. After the fight was over and a truce declared, she used to bring the children home! What a thoughtful way it is! Ladies and gentlemen! If you want to fight and abuse each other, please take the child in the cradle somewhere else so that he doesn' t hear your foul talk! I wish to tell you something. Our ladies, in the p: 124 days when they never stirred out of their homes, kept some pebbles in their mouths when they were required to speak with strange men. The purpose was to make their voices as unattractive as possible to the strange men! Our fathers were men who used to recite the Quran and were regular at offering prayers. But what is our status? What is the status of our children? Such women have been endowed to the society that they take out their young daughters without a chador. It is a pity that they visit the mausoleum of Hadhrat Masoomae Qom in the same state! One lady told me that she saw Hadhrat Masooma in her dream. Hadhrat Masooma told her that in the past she used to cry about the pitiable state of others. But now she cries over the state of affairs of our own people! Pity the children that in the laps they witness and are raised in an environment of sexually provocative scenes, provocative songs, backbiting, slander, abuse, shouting and fights. I appeal to you again and again! Please have concern for the coming generations! At least think of your own self. God forbid you are addressed as the murderer of human beings! You will say that I have never committed such a crime in the world. He will be answered that you have killed a whole world of people. as you did not take care of proper upbringing of your children!

The Tenth Talk 1. The Benefits Of Matrimony In the previous talk we discussed p: 125 the advantages of forming families. One very significant advantage for the partners to establish a family is the natural satisfaction of the sex instinct. The other, and very important, advantage is providing virtuous and healthy progeny to the society. The enemies of humanity always devise stratagems to ensure that virtuous members are not there in the societies. This is the reason that the institution of the ‘ family’ is attacked by them. This is also the reason for making immodesty so common. It is your duty to give importance to the family so that a healthy progeny is turned over to society. This will help to control the effects of Western Culture. 2. Peace Of Mind Today' s topic of discussion is about the fact that a decent man and wife are the source of comfort and contentment for each other. This is reflected in one of the verses of the Holy Quran: إِلَیْهَا لِّتَسْکُنُواْ أَزْوَجًا أَنفُسِکُمْ مِّنْ لَکمُ خَلَقَ أَنْ ءَایَتِهِ مِنْ وَ And of his signs is this: He created for you helpmates from yourselves that ye might find rest in them( ..... Sura ar- Rum, 30: 21) One of the signs from Allah is that he has created man for woman and the woman for man! If we analyse the human nature we find that a man without a woman remains incomplete. Similarly a spinster woman is incomplete without a man. In fact a man and a woman combine to form a complete identity i. e. each one is dependant on the other. In the view of the Holy Quran p: 126 man is the support for woman, and similarly the woman is a support for man. In this world everyone needs a confidante. If we consider human nature, and the guidance given by the Holy Quran, the best source of comfort for a person in difficult times is his or her wife or husband! Wa ja- ala bainakum mawadda wa rahmat - Allah has created wife and husband as well- wishers of each other. By nature, man and wife love each other. If we don' t destroy this abode of peace, then man and wife are always a source of comfort and peace for each other. Pity on the home which offers no peace to the man or wife! These people are like the insomniacs who don’ t get sleep. Look at a person who doesn' t get sleep. How restless such a person is! He cannot think properly. His body becomes sick. According to the Holy Quran sleep is the cause of comfort for the living creatures. Similarly the Holy Quran says that man and woman are the cause of comfort for each other. Therefore a man who remains single has no means of comfort. A woman who is a spinster is like a person who is suffering from insomnia. Man and wife are a source of comfort for each other. It is our duty to protect and promote the institution of marriage and formation of families! 3. Man And Wife - Ornaments For Each Other According to the Holy Quran, man and wife are not only the source of mutual comfort, but are like p: 127 ornaments for each other. The Holy Book says: لَّهُن لِبَاسٌ أَنتُمْ وَ لَّکُمْ لِبَاسٌ هُنَّ They are raiment for you and ye are raiment for them( ...... Sura al Baqarah, 2: 187) There are two or three meanings of the word ' raiment' in the verse. One meaning is that the wife is an ornament for the husband just as a good raiment is an ornamentation for him. The Holy Quran itself is witness to this fact that it says: الْمُسرِْفِین یحُِبُّ لَا إِنَّهُ تُسرِْفُواْ لَا وَ اشرَْبُواْ وَ کُلُواْ وَ مَسْجِدٍ ِّ کلُ عِندَ ْ زِینَتَکمُ خُذُواْ ءَادَمَ یَبَنیِ O Children of Adam! Put on your adornment on every occasion of prayer, and eat and drink, but do not waste; indeed Allah does not like the wasteful( . Sura al- A’ raaf 7: 31) This means that when you plan to go out anywhere - to the mosque or to a meeting - dress properly and decently. Here the term ' raiment' connotes ornamentation and the meaning of the words hunna libasun lakum wa antum libasun lahun is that women are their husbands' ornamentation and they are the ornaments for their wives. The other meaning of the word ' raiment' here is that a wife is the protection for the man and prevents him from going astray. The man too performs this task for his wife. The third meaning of the word ' raiment' is that man and wife are satar or coverings for each other. A man who is single is devoid of the cover that a wife provides and similarly a p: 128 spinster too is devoid of this cover or protection in the absence of a mate. In a nutshell, the verse says that the man and wife are adornments and covers for each other. We should therefore take care of our adornments and coverings. Imam Jafar e Sadiq ( a. s) . has said that the husband is like a necklace for the wife. As the necklace is an ornament for a woman, a husband too is an ornament for the wife. Then the Imam ( a. s) . observed that one should take care what type of woman one chooses for a spouse. The Imam ( a. s) . further added that if one has a virtuous wife, then he has a big blessing. A good wife is an invaluable possession. She is worth more than any amount of gold and silver. If the wife is not good, she is worthless, even less than a handful of sand! The same is true for a husband. If he is modest and his wife is pleased with him then it is a great blessing. Imam Sadiq ( a. s) . says that if husband and wife are compatible and are ornamentation for each other, then definitely this is a great blessing.

4. Man And Wife - Source Of Comfort For Each Other In addition to being a source of comfort and protection for each other, the home is a place of amusement for the man and wife. This is definitely so if the home is as has been defined and ordained by Islam. If the wife fits into the definition of a spouse as given by Islam p: 129 and the husband fits into the standard fixed for him, then the best place for amusement is the home itself! It is possible that at this meeting there are present many husbands whose hearts are with their wives at home! They would love to reach the comfort of the home after a full day of toil and hard work! Also it is possible that in the gathering there are ladies who are eagerly looking forward to their husbands returning home after performing their duties and business. They look forward to the husband' s familiar knock at the door to welcome him and dispel all his cares and tiredness with a smile of welcome! The Prophet of Islam ( s) has observed thus on the subject: There is no greater blessing for a Muslim man after Islam than a Muslim wife who causes him joy when he looks at her( . Wasail alShia, Vol 14, page 23) The smile of a man and wife, for each other, is a source of joy and pleasure. It is mentioned in the traditions that the value of a good wife is far more than that of gold and silver. In fact if there is anything that is most valuable after the faith of Islam, it is a good spouse for a person! The most pleasurable thing for a wife is to converse happily with her husband. Men should take care to make their wives happy and the women too should strive towards the same end. A man came to p: 130 the Prophet of Allah ( s) and said" , O Prophet of Allah! My wife is so thoughtful that when I reach home, she herself comes to open the door and receives me with a smile. She gives me attention and converses with me. Whenever I am unhappy and tired, she humors me to dispel my unhappiness and tiredness" ! The Prophet ( s) said“ , This woman is a servant of Allah! She is an angel and will get the same rewards for her actions as the angels get! Her actions are most valuable" ! Men too can be like that. They should know that it is only their wives who can provide them comfort. The wife' s smile and her talk provide comfort to the husband. If there is no love and care in a home, the atmosphere there becomes very unpleasant. Such atmosphere is not only harmful to the husband and wife, but it badly affects the children as well. You will notice that children from homes where the atmosphere is not good have inferior abilities and poor memories when compared with other children. Remember, the shortcomings in the children are due to the mistakes of the parents. When there is no atmosphere of love and affection at home, the man becomes a victim of psychological ailments. The home then becomes a prison for him. It happens sometimes that a husband prefers to sitting at the wayside cafe till late in the night rather than going home. In certain homes the wife doesn' t bother to p: 131 find out about her husband. It is our own fault that we have destroyed these abodes of comfort and peace by using harsh words. This happens even after they have become old or are materially very well off. Beauty is not just in dressing well but actual beauty is in the way the eyes if the other person perceives you Perhaps the fable of Laila and Majnoon is only a fiction. But there are very good lessons in such stories. It is said that the story of the love of Laila and Majnoon reached the ears of the king of that time. The king called both of them. When they reached the court, he was surprised to see that Laila was a bedouin girl, ugly and dark with thick lips! In surprise he asked Majnoon“ , How could you fall in love with this ugly girl" ? Majnoon recited a couplet in reply: " If you had seen Laila with Majnoon' s eyes, you would have seen nothing but beauty in her" ! People used to tell Majnoon that he was running after a dark, ugly looking girl. He would reply that darker the musk, the more fragrant it would be! If a wife loves her husband she will not dwell on his shortcomings. If someone tells a woman that her husband has some failings, she stands up in his defence. She does this, even if the complainant is her own mother or father! If the husband loves his wife, he too will come to her defence. She may p: 132 not be very good looking, but for him she is the fairest of the fair! It is not necessary that women approach sorcerers to gain the love of their husbands. This is a big sin. One woman came to the Prophet of Islam ( s) and said" , O Prophet of Allah! I have committed a sin. I tried to win the love of my husband through sorcery" . The Prophet ( s) was furious and said“ , You have turned the sky into earth, and the earth to sky! You have rendered your world dark! Pity on you" ! The woman was very penitent and busied herself in perpetual prayer. The Prophet ( s) learned about this activity and said“ , Allah will not pardon her! He will not pardon her" ! The meaning of the Prophet' s observation is that the real repentance for the woman should have been in going home to serve her husband and home i. e. not to abandon the world while being fully engrossed only in worship. According to the Holy Prophet ( s) if a lady desires the attention of her husband and wants him to be happy with her, then she should look after her husband, their house and the children well. He will automatically love her even if she is not good looking. Similarly if a husband desires to have the love and affection of his wife, he should treat her with respect and it is imperative that he does not use foul language. Foul language is a major cause of termination of p: 133 love and affection between people. When he enters home, he should not vent his anger on his wife. The problems outside have come on him and his wife should not have to bear the brunt of his problems Upon entering the house do not complain and wail in front of children nor fight with your wife as these are great sins that cause Fishare Qabr ( the squuzing of the grave) when the person dies! One of the close companions of the Prophet ( s) died. The Prophet ( s) himself attended his burial. The people said that the person was lucky that he was interred in his grave by the Holy Prophet ( s). The Prophet ( s) observed" , The grave has given him so much fishar that the bones of his ribs have shattered" ! The companions asked“ , O Prophet of Allah ( s)! He was a good man! Why did he suffer this hardship" ? The Prophet ( s) replied“ , He was a good person but he always fought with his wife and behaved badly at home" ! A Muslim should not be foul mouthed. If someone uses abusive language, he is not a Muslim. God forbid! If someone beats his wife! If he does that, he is a shameless person, he is not a Muslim. However much learned or “ forward- minded” the person might be, he will taste the hardship of Fishare Qabr when he dies. Such persons are not the friends of Allah, the Prophet ( s, ) and the Imams ( a. s). . The Prophet of Islam ( s) used to say p: 134 that on The Day of Judgment two groups will have such long tongues that they would be touching the ground and others will trample their tongues! The companions asked“ , Who these people will be" ? The Prophet ( s) replied" , The first group will be of the persons who backbite about others and are always finding faults in others. The other group will consist of women who misbehaved with their husbands, and the men who verbally abused their wives" ! Some persons deceptively look very respectable but, in fact, they are so immature that in the presence of their impressionable children they use abusive language. For example they address their children as“ : the son of a dog" ! or " son of a donkey". ! Such people are in fact using foul language to address themselves; they should realize that the father of a dog is also a dog. If a person becomes foul- mouthed at home and irritable, this becomes his habit. His dog- like behavior is clear to others, but he himself is unaware of his own bad habit. If he had insight, he would have realized his dog- like behavior. The persons who call their sons dogs in a rage of anger and use abusive language against their wives, themselves develop the traits of dogs. If someone had the vision and insight of Allama Majlisi or Sadr al Muta' aleheen, he would have seen himself as a dog! Ladies should not get angry. You may be known in the society for your looks or your youthfulness, but the p: 135 angels see you as nothing more than a she- dog. Perhaps you have a very imposing personality and the society views you with respect, but because of your foul- mouth you may render yourself into a virtual dog! When the angels in the skies look at you, you appear like a dog to them. It has come in the narratives that the misbehavior at home and use of abusive language or beatings change the status of a person. When this person dies, his spirit goes to Allah and from there it proceeds to Heaven or Hell. On the way it passes through all the stages, and when the spirit of this ill- mannered person reaches the seventh sky, the inhabitants say that a dog has arrived! Are people with such bad manners desirous of going to Allah in the form of a dog! If you heed today' s talk, then your home will be a place of peace and comfort. If a husband and wife become a source of support and comfort for each other and if they become a beautification for each other, then when they die, the angels praise them. Allah will be happy with such persons and, certainly, they will be destined for the Heaven! O Allah! For the sake of the children of Abi Abdallah al Husayn, make our homes, our spouses and our children sources of comfort. O Allah! Give good wives and husbands to our sons and daughters who bring joy in their lives!

The Eleventh Talk 1. Training Oneself So far our p: 136 discussion was on the formation of families and its advantages. In the previous discussion, the advantages were mentioned. One of these is the training of the self within the family. Home is a place for embellishing oneself with noble traits. Within the family, the husband and wife can train themselves, embellish themselves with noble traits. They can not only cultivate good habits themselves, but also motivate other members of the family to follow suit. But in the eyes of sociologists, achieving these two things - training themselves and motivating others, is rather difficult. A person needs some effort for curbing the base traits and planting the sapling of virtue in his mind. Normally people struggle to make a smooth transformation in their natures. الْعَقَبَةَ اقْتَحَمَ فَلَا الْعَقَبَةُ مَا أَدْرَئکَ مَا وَ رَقَبَة فَکُّ But he hath not attempted the ascent— Ah! what will convey unto thee what the Ascent is— ! ( It is) to free a slave( . Sura al Balad, 90: 11- 13) Expelling undesirable habits from one’ s nature is a difficult task. But one has to get rid of them before they assume stormy proportions. When one succeeds in this effort, the person plants the sapling of virtue in his nature. To nourish this sapling one has to make strenuous efforts. He has to persevere. It is said that the nafse ammara ( base instinct) is like an elephant. The trainer of an elephant has to constantly hit on its head to train it. If there is the slightest negligence on the part of the trainer, the animal p: 137 can overcome him. The base instincts and the mean traits in a person are also like the untrained elephant. Believe me, all the Prophets ( s. a) . came to the world, with their books, for the sole purpose of guiding the people to curb their nafse ammara! الحِْکْمَة وَ الْکِتَبَ یُعَلِّمُهُمُ وَ یُزَکِّیهِمْ وَ ءَایَتِهِ عَلَیهِْمْ یَتْلُواْ مِّنهُْمْ رَسُولًا الْأُمِّیِّنَ فیِ بَعَثَ الَّذِی هُوَ He it is who hath sent among the unlettered ones a messenger of their own, to recite unto them His revelations and to make them grow, and to teach them the Scriptures and Wisdom… ( Sura al- Jumu’ ah, 62: 2) The Prophet of Islam ( s) came with the Miracle of the Quran for the people to reform their psyches. The Prophets ( s. a) . have gone through untold hardships performing this task. But their success was not commensurate with the toil put in by them. The reason for this was that the task was very formidable. The matter that needs our attention, and particularly that of the ladies, is that they are like a madrasa or school at home. They are the foundation for the establishment of the home and the family and are the instructors of morality for the members of the family. In a family the wife is a mentor for the husband, the husband is a mentor for the wife and both together are mentors for the children. 2. Need of Patience When the husband and wife are intelligent, they serve each other and spend time in grooming of the children instead of spending time p: 138 on unnecessary arguments, bickering and restlessness. These undesirable traits can totally uproot a person. The Holy Quran says: هَلُوعًا خُلِقَ الْانسَنَ إِنَّ جَزُوعًا الشَّرُّ مَسَّهُ إِذَا مَنُوعًا الخَْیرُْ مَسَّهُ إِذَا وَ الْمُصَلِّین إِلَّا Lo! Man was created anxious, Fretful when evil befalleth him And, when good befalleth him, grudging; Save worshippers ( Sura Ma‘ aarij, 70: 19- 22) The human nature is, no doubt, fickle. Man forgets Allah both when he is well provided for, and also when he is penniless. He is like the pebbles on the street. When someone tramples on the pebbles, they scatter here and there! The fickleness of humankind is such that when they face a small hardship, they become restless. But when they do well and progress, they become conceited. Social scientists consider human fickleness as a negative trait. Such persons get upset by minor things. There are also persons who have the trait of patience and forbearance. About them the Holy Quran says: حِسَاب بِغَیرِْ أَجْرَهُم الصَّبرُِونَ یُوَفیَّ إِنَّمَا … Verily the steadfast will be paid their wages without stint( . Sura az- Zumar, 39: 10) Definitely there is reward for every act of piety like prayer, fasting etc. But there is one trait in human beings that will be handsomely rewarded by Allah. That trait is the patience and forbearance that one exercises in dealing with one’ s spouse, in training and educating the children and dealing with the people in the community. An intelligent person discreetly tolerates the occasional tantrums of his wife and thus promotes an atmosphere of peace and tranquility at home. Heaven has eight entrances and one of p: 139 them is reserved for the persons who exercise patience in their lives! They remain patient in difficulties and offer prayers in that spirit. These persons will enter Heaven through that door which is at an elevated place and the Immaculate Imams ( a. s) . will use the same door for entering Heaven! Our master Imam Husayn ( a. s) and all the martyrs, who laid down their lives with forbearance in the way of Allah, will use this threshold to enter the Heaven! When one bears difficulties with equanimity thinking that they are the forerunners of better days, will be rewarded amply in this world and the Hereafter. A woman, who trains herself and her children with patience and equanimity and discreetly faces the occasional misbehavior of her husband, will ultimately come out victorious. The best thing that a person can do is to banish negative traits from his nature and in its place acquire virtues. This is even better than Paradise. Cleverness is not acquiring Paradise or avoiding Hell. The Shia of Amir al Mu’ minin ( a. s) . will, anyway, ultimately go to Heaven, although after bearing the hardships of the grave, the Barzakh and the Day of Reckoning. There is very little likelihood of their going to the Hell. Even if a mu' min goes to the Hell, his stay there will be short and his final destination is Heaven! Cleverness is not avoiding Hell, because even the mentally handicapped will not go to Hell! Astuteness does not lie in becoming an inmate of Heaven. p: 140 Even children who die go straight to Heaven without any accounting of the deeds! What is so special if you reach Heaven without accounting for your deeds? Perfection, for a person, is in achieving Allah’ s pleasure through his good deeds. If a person can achieve Allah’ s pleasure, he is indeed wise and perfect. A person should do such deeds that his heart becomes the abode of his Lord. This is indeed a priceless achievement, not acquiring Heaven. Perfection is not attaining Paradise, but perfection is in making the heart the abode of the Lord, in this world! It is narrated that the heart of the mu' min is the abode of the Most Merciful. Who can make his heart the abode of the Lord? It is the person who undergoes the process of ridding himself of bad qualities and adorning himself with good qualities. The home is an excellent place for achieving this. To forgive someone or make sacrifices are virtues possessed even by animals. The home is the best place to train oneself to acquire these virtues while ridding oneself of negative traits like narrow- mindedness and miserliness. The right way of upbringing is that where no harsh methods are used. Generally the domination of the stronger over the weak is the law of nature in animals. If the man is stronger, should he beat his wife? If you put grass in front of two animals, the stronger will push aside the weaker and eat the fodder. Similarly the stronger nations today dominate p: 141 the weaker! Such domination is inhuman. Similarly if a man beats his wife at home to get his way, he is not a Muslim, rather, he is not a human being! Even if a wife is absolutely wrong in her attitude, the husband should not beat her. If, may Allah forbid, a person slaps his wife and her face turns red, he shall have to pay diyat equivalent to one mithqal of gold. If the man is more aggressive in anger and the wife develops black marks on her body, then the diyat is three mithqals of gold. A husband who abuses his wife will be in a burning tent on the Day of Reckoning. Who is the person who develops in himself the trait of forgiveness and clemency? Who is the person who banishes narrow- mindedness from his nature? Which wife keeps her cool inspite of the misbehavior of the husband? Which wife keeps the confidence of her husband and doesn’ t complain about him to outsiders, not even to her own parents? Is there any wife who bears the harsh treatment of her husband with a smile and prays to Allah to forgive him and guide both of them and to give them both a place in Heaven? Such ladies attain the place of honor in the eyes of Allah! These ladies will rise with Hadhrat Fatima Zahra ( a. s) . on the Day of Reckoning. Hadhrat Fatima Zahra ( a. s) . was a paragon of virtue, patience and forbearance. It is narrated that she had p: 142 cooked five breads, while fasting, during Ramadan. Just prior to the time for breaking of the fast, a mendicant came asking for food. Hadhrat Fatima ( a. s) . gave all the bread to him. The entire family broke their fast with water only. The same thing happened on the second and the third day. Then a verse of the Holy Quran was revealed in the praise of her family. Don’ t be under the impression that Hadhrat Fatima Zahra ( a. s) . and her family had no Need of that food. They were as hungry as any other person who had fasted the entire day. In addition, it was not that they went without food for only one day. They bore this hardship for three consecutive days! أَسِیرًا وَ یَتِیمًا وَ مِسْکِینًا حُبِّهِ عَلیَ الطَّعَامَ یُطْعِمُونَ وَ And( , while needing it for themselves) they give away food, out of love for Him, to the poor and the orphan and the captive( .. Sura Insan, 76: 8) The lady who bears hardships with calmness and the man who faces difficulties with courage will rise on the Day of Resurrection with Amir al Mu’ minin ( a. s). . خَصَاصَة بهِِمْ کاَنَ لَوْ وَ أَنفُسِهِمْ عَلیَ یُؤْثِرُونَ وَ ْ

…. And prefer ( the needy) over their own selves, though their own lot be poverty( ;… Sura Hashr, 59: 9) The beauty of the revelation of this verse is that it was revealed for Amir al Mu’ minin ( a. s) . and Hadhrat Fatima Zahra ( a. s) . when she was ill and he was bringing a pomegranate for her. The Imam ( a. s) . came p: 143 across a blind beggar on the way who was ill too. When Imam Ali ( a. s) . inquired about his health, he said“ , O master! It would be fine if I got a pomegranate to eat” ! Imam Ali ( a. s) . gave him the fruit, that he was taking home for his ailing wife, to the blind person! Any person who wishes to be with Imam Ali ( a. s) . on the Day of Judgment has to try to emulate his quality of sacrifice, patience and forbearance. If you wish to seek the Intercession of the Ahl al Bayt, then the men should follow in their lives the example of Ali ( a. s) . and the women that of Fatima Zahra ( a. s). . Life is very difficult for those who are not so well- off. Do you realize the status achieved by the impoverished man who bears his lot patiently? Or the wife whose husband cannot meet many of the family' s needs, but she is not disrespectful towards him, instead she is patient and appreciates him? It is mentioned in the traditions that when such people will come on the Day of Judgment, Allah ( s. w. t) will express His regret. That is, the man who desires a comfortable life for his wife and children but cannot fulfill his desire and the wife who desires a comfortable life for her children but her husband is unable to meet their expenses but despite this she does not ridicule him, rather bears it patiently. When such people will come on the Day of Judgment, p: 144 Allah ( s. w. t) will express His regret. Can there be a more elevated status than this? When Allah will express His regrets to those people who had to bear difficulties in the world, they will become so happy, that they will wish that they had been shredded with scissors while they were in the world, so that they could have achieved a more elevated status today. Therefore it is better to learn to be patient in this world. 3. Home, A School The home is a school where one learns to curb the negative human instincts. The person can nurture the sapling of nobility in this institution. A wife, who has a disrespectful and rude husband, should bear with him with patience so that gradually, being patient becomes a habit with her. If she can cultivate this trait of patience within herself, it is better than this entire world as well as the Hereafter. Those men who have disrespectful wives too should deal with them patiently. Those who can uproot negative traits and in its place cultivate patience have achieved something better than the world and all that it contains as well as Paradise and all that it contains. Allah ( s. w. t) bestows His blessings on such people.

4. More Than The Late Night Prayer Another advantage of the formation of a family is that the home and the family are more felicitous than construction of a mosque. A woman’ s reward for serving her husband and a man’ s reward for providing for his wife and children, and for raising the children, is more than every p: 145 supererogatory prayer. It is even more felicitous than Salathul Layl. Salatul Layl is highly meritorious and according to the Holy Quran brings the person to the elevated place, the Maqame Mahmood! محَّْمُودًا مَقَامًا رَبُّکَ یَبْعَثَکَ أَن عَسیَ لَّکَ نَافِلَةً بِهِ فَتَهَجَّدْ الَّیْلِ مِنَ وَ And ( in a part) of the night, forsake sleep for prayer, in addition to ( what is incumbent on) thee; Maybe that exalteth thee thy Lord unto a position praised( . Sura al-’ Isra’, 17: 79) No one can understand the Maqame Mahmood until a person reaches it himself. But there is more reward than Salatul Layl for the mother who gets up in the middle of the night to feed her child, and lovingly put him back to sleep. Similarly a wife giving comfort and satisfaction to her husband is more felicitous. It has come in the traditions that when the husband and wife take the Bath of Purification ( Ghusl al- Janaba, ) their major sins too are washed away! Similarly it is mentioned in the traditions that when a husband and wife take the Bath of Purification, the drops of water that flow down from their bodies turn into angels who will remain alive till Doomsday! When a wife becomes pregnant, each breath that she takes is deemed a prayer. The difficulties that the mother faces in child bearing too are considered as prayer. When the child is born, it is innocent and at that time the mother too is deemed free of any sin! Allah addresses the new mother thus“ , O p: 146 lady! Start your life afresh from today! Be careful that you don’ t commit any further sins" ! The Prophet of Islam ( s) one day entered the home of Lady Fatima Zahra ( a. s). . He found Amir al Mu’ minin ( a. s) . busy cleaning vegetables. The Prophet ( s) said“ , O Ali! Do you know how much reward is there from Allah for helping ones spouse with her chores" ? Then he said that the reward is equivalent to that of a person who has been martyred in the way of Allah! A woman once told the Prophet ( s“ , ) O Prophet of Allah! I have a question and it is not only for the women of Medina but for the womenfolk of all time! The question is that " Why is there a difference between the status of men and women? Why are men given a higher status than women" ? The Prophet of Islam replied“ , Islam doesn’ t believe in giving any special status to men in comparison with women” . The woman said“ , The women, because they have to take care of their children and the home they cannot attend the Friday congregation, they cannot go to meetings, call on the sick to express their sympathies, cannot go for optional Hajj and are sometimes even unable to perform the more important Hajj Pilgrimage. It seems that our only function is to look after the home and rear the children" ! The Prophet ( s) was very happy to hear this. He smiled and said: “ This is the reply for the women of Medina and all p: 147 the women who will be in the world till the Day of Reckoning‘ : If a woman marries and keeps her husband happy, then this act is equal to the Friday congregation, the optional Hajj and other type of worship’” . This reply of the Holy Prophet is for all wives, irrespective of whether the lady is the wife of a toiling laborer, a philosopher, a villager or a city dweller. But today’ s women seem to have forgotten this commandment of the Prophet ( s). It has been mentioned in the traditions that when a housewife prepares food for the breaking of the fast ( iftar) and serves it to the children and other members of the house, her reward will be equal to the reward of a martyr. Ladies think that there is reward for them only if they go to Mecca. One lady asked me “ O Aga! Please pray for me! I wish to perform the optional Hajj in Mecca” ! I told her“ , If you want to acquire the reward for the optional Hajj you should first spend money on the beggars, old, infirm and sick persons. Imam Musa bin Jafar ( a. s) . has said that if someone gives food to a deserving family for one week, the reward for this act will be more than that of performing 70 Hajj pilgrimages! Hearing this the lady told me with a crestfallen face“ . You may do what you are advising me! As for me, I want to visit Mecca” ! The ladies seem to have forgotten p: 148 that there is reward for them in running the household. They have forgotten that there is a reward in the upbringing of children. A husband working hard on his job to provide a better living to his wife and children is like a soldier struggling in the battle field of Jihad. Both are equally rewarding! If the man works for the welfare of his family, smiles for his wife, thanks her, then this gets converted into Hoorul Ein for him. Do not compare Hoorul Ein with the women of this world. If a single Hoorul Ein comes to this world, the people of this world will not need the moon. The man who smiles at his wife when he enters his home and the woman who smiles at her husband when he enters the house, have prepared Hoorul Eins for themselves. One who is desirous of acquiring the Hoorul Ein, gardens and palaces, should make efforts to do so in this life itself! The Prophet of Islam ( s) saw the angels working in the Heavens on the night of his ascension ( Meraj). They were working for sometime, then they stopped working for some time. Jibrael ( a. s) . told the Prophet ( s“ , ) The angels here stop working for sometime because the material with which they build comes from the world. When the material comes, the angels work. When it stops coming, the angels too stop the work” .